|Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress
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Once upon a time, Martians and Venusians functioned in separate worlds. But in today's hectic and career-oriented environment, relationships have become a lot more complicated, and men and women are experiencing unprecedented levels of stress. To add to the increasing tension, most men and women are also completely unaware that they are actually hardwired to react differently to the stress. It's a common scenario: a husband returns home from work stressed out and eager to kick back on the couch and watch television. A wife returns home from work stressed out and wants to talk about it with her husband. What happens? Neither is on the same page, anger and resentment set in, and Mars and Venus collide.
Using his signature insight that has helped millions of couples transform their relationships, John Gray once again arms the inhabitants of Mars and Venus with information that will help them live harmoniously ever after. In Why Mars and Venus Collide, Gray focuses on the ways that men and women misinterpret and mismanage the stress in their daily lives, and how these reactions ultimately affect their relationships. "It's not that he's just not into you; he needs to fulfill a biological need," Gray explains. "And it's not that she wants to henpeck you; she also has a biological drive." He shows, for instance, how a husband's withdrawal is actually a natural way for him to replenish his depleted testosterone levels and restore his well-being, and how a woman's need for conversation and support helps her build her own stress-reducing hormone, oxytocin.
Backed up by groundbreaking scientific research, Gray offers a clear, easy-to-understand program to bridge the gap between the two planets, providing effective communication strategies that will actually lower stress levels. Whether in a relationship or single, this book will help both men and women understand their new roles in a modern, work-oriented society, and allow them to discover a variety of new and practical ways to create a lifetime of love and harmony.
Amazon.com Exclusive: Notes on Why Mars & Venus Collide by John Gray
Over the last fifty years, life has become more complicated. Longer working hours, intensified by grueling commutes and more traffic, the increased cost of housing, food, and health care, rising credit card debt, and the combined responsibilities of work and childcare in two-career families are only a few of the sources of stress in our fast-paced modern lives. In spite of the new technologies designed to connect us, information overload and round-the-clock accessibility via the Internet and cell phones have reduced much of our communication to the equivalent of text messaging. We are stretched to the limit, with little energy for our personal lives. Despite increased independence and opportunities for success at work, we are often left with a sense of isolation and exhaustion at home.
The unprecedented levels of stress both men and women are experiencing is taking a toll on our romantic relationships. Whether single or in committed relationships, we are often too busy or too tired to sustain feelings of attraction, motivation, and affection. Everyday stress drains our energy and patience and leaves us feeling too exhausted or overwhelmed to enjoy and support each other.
We are often too busy to see what is obvious. A man will give his heart and soul to make enough money to provide for his family and return home too tired even to talk with them. A woman will give and give to support her husband and children and then resent them for not giving back the kind of support she thrives on giving. Under the influence of stress, men and women forget why we do what we do.
Over the last fifteen years, a new trend in relationships has emerged linked to increasing stress. Both couples and singles believe they are too busy or too exhausted to resolve their relationship issues, and often think their partners are either too demanding or just too different to understand. Attempting to cope with the increasing stress of working for a living, both men and women feel neglected at home. While some couples experience increasing tension, others have just given up, sweeping their emotional needs under the carpet. They may get along, but the passion is gone.
Without an understanding of our different needs, men and women are adjusting their actions and reactions to no avail. Our actions may be pointed in the wrong direction. Why Mars and Venus Collide provides a new understanding and a variety of techniques you will need to counter the disruptive effects of stress and to steer a true course to a lifetime of love.
Remembering and understanding our differences are only half the battle. The other half is about action--learning to cope more effectively with stress. This book aims to help you discover new ways to lower your own stress and help to lower your partner¡¯s. Whether you are in a relationship, starting over, or single, you will discover a variety of new and practical ways to improve your communication, uplift your mood, increase your energy, elevate levels of attraction in your relationship, create harmony with your partner, and enjoy a lifetime of love and romance. You will learn why communication breaks down or why your relationships have failed in the past, and what you can do now to ensure success in the future.
- very good for understanding relationships
I love the ways this book breaks down the hormonal relationship between how men and women react to and deal with stress. It also helps to understand how to deal with our daily stressors and how to support each other the best. I recommend this book to anyone who want to gain a better understanding of their mates' needs and how to ask for help....more info
- Destress Your Marriage And Save It
Author & Book Views On A Healthy Life!
Book Review: Why Mars & Venus Collide by John Gray, Ph.D.
Are you stressed out? The burdens of work, child-rearing, credit card debt, commuting, including the rising costs of healthcare, housing, and food is demanding a significant payment from our marriages and romantic relationships today. We are too tired and busy to maintain our partners emotional and physical needs. Which in turn, creates further pressure, leading to fights, emotional separation, and divorce.
John Gray,Ph.D. author of Why Mars and Venus Collide points out the effects of stress on modern relationships:
Mild depression from stress suppresses passion.
A sense of urgency takes away our patience and flexibility.
A sense of distress, anxiety, and panic greatly diminishes our capacity to be happy.
Irritability overshadows our feelings of affection, appreciation, and tenderness.
Decreased energy limits how much we can freely give of ourselves.
With unstable blood sugar levels, our moods either become flat or fluctuate too much.
Men lose interest in the relationship while women feel overwhelmed with too much to do and not enough time and support.
Beyond this, stress of course leads to physical problems as well--infertility issues, digestive difficulties, insomnia, high blood pressure, and decreased immune function among other impairments.
Men and women react differently to stress because of chemical and physiological differences within our bodies. Not understanding the behaviors of the opposite sex during these difficult times can lead to further misunderstanding. Men produce large amounts of testosterone, especially during stress situations, which hinders oxytocin--a calming chemical. This allows men to fight for survival or protect the family when necessary. It also causes hostility, withdrawal, and sometimes anger.
Women produce oxytocin, released in large quantities during childbirth and breastfeeding. Estrogen, another female chemical, raises the effectiveness of oxytocin. Women would rather talk through their difficulties, protect and care for their children, and surround themselves with female support.
Understanding your partner is the key to a destressed relationship, making home a safe haven rather than a war of roses. Men tend to think of themselves as the breadwinners, difficult as it may be today. Though needing nurturing and love, they are risk takers with money, more dominant and independent, and tend to focus by blocking out distractions. When under stress, they will become silent. Best option here--John Gray writes that it is important to leave the man alone. In fact, ignore him for a while. This will help destress him.
Women tend to multitask, see the implications of a situation in a broader context, reach out to absorb more information, and skillfully use verbal abilities. Faced with stress, they will argue and persuade. Best option here--give the woman some attention. Ask about how she feels.
John Gray states that a woman's greatest challenge is caring for herself. She is a giver. 9 out of 10 women will sign up to donate their organs if killed in a traffic accident versus 1 out of 10 men. A man will give everything he has to support his family and then return home tired and needing to unwind. Having been married nearly 20 years, I understand this distinction between men and women. My sister-in-law phoned me not long ago, concerned that her husband arrives home from a 12-hour workday, only wishing to watch TV. Because she did not comprehend his need to switch gears and relax, this issue had created some minor friction in their household. I advised my sister-in-law to not nag her husband about watching television first, explaining that many men do this to loosen up after work.
Handle your stress rather than blame it on your spouse. Recognize that your spouse deals with stress too, even if he doesn't want to talk about it.
Best stress releasers:
Relax through yoga, meditation, massage therapy, listen to music, read a book, or just sit quietly.
Make time for yourself and don't feel guilty about it.
Sleep 7 to 9 hours a night.
Eat properly--fruits, vegetables, lean protein, whole grains.
Exercise induces the release of endorphins which will also improve your mood.
Talk to a listener who will not judge you, but who can offer a new viewpoint.
Seek out a professional therapist who will treat serious stress related disorders.
Compromise your point on occasion and avoid the argument.
Write down your feelings, volunteer your time, begin a hobby.
Say "No" to demands that exceed your time limits and abilities.
Avoid smoking, emotional eating, too much alcohol, and abusing drugs.
Highly Recommended Reading: Why Mars And Venus Collide by John Gray, Ph.D. The book will open your mind and eyes and allow you to see your partner for who he or she is. Restore the passion and romance in your marriage with the insight offered through the author's research and knowledge of the intricacy of relationships.
5 Stars...more info
- changed my life
This is the most excellent book. I read it and it changed my life. I did what the author recommends and feel great now. Get off the anti-depressants they are whats making you fat and sluggish. Take the vitamins and eat the way he suggests and your life will change for the better within a matter of days....more info
- Quick, Fast and Smiple
What more is there to say, I ordered, I got, and I am happy. Great service.
- ANOTHER INSITEFUL BOOK FROM JOHN
Using his knowledge of the differences between the male and female brain, JohN Gray gives insight to many of the causes of conflicts arising in marriages. For example, I learned that when a man says he didn't think about anything, when told about a problem that would have dominated my mind, he was merely "being a man with a male brain " and not deliberately avoiding an issue. The ability to totally block something from ones mind is amazing to me. Understanding that, however, is something I need to work on. There are no easy answers in dealing with with this issue, but every bit of information about "facts" makes it doable. ...more info
- Marriage & Family Therapist Review
John Gray has a knack for capturing couple dynamics. This book is updated to look at both parties working and the stressors, expetations and resentments in making very full couple lives work in harmony. It is full of insights and suggestions. I have given it to clients, family and friends. The men especially seem to relate well to it. I highly recommend it.
Ann Sieckhaus, M.S., M.F.T., L.M.F.T....more info
- Brilliant read on relationships today!
John Gray really knows his 'decoding' methods of men and women. Yet, he teaches us how to use them in every day life, while having fun. Our lives really have changed in the 21st century and this was a much needed update while still applying his Martian and Venusian relationship skills.
Any man or woman will definitely benefit from reading this book in their personal relationship with their partner in life. Relationships do take work, but it can be fun at the same time when we add understanding the opposite sex.
Highly recommended to everyone!
Pocket of Pearls: A 30-day pocket workbook to start hearing a softer voice inside of you!
- Helps with Dating as Well
I have taken so many helpful hints from this book and applied to my new dating relationship. The knowledge about how men handle tasks and how their brain works, helps me to react better...causing less fights! It really works. My boyfriend reaffirms me by saying "I can't believe how smoothly our relationship is going and how sweet and understanding you are." I will keep the book my secret for now :)...more info
- UNDERSTAND YOUR MAN OR WOMAN BETTER
EXCELLENT CD'S, WE JUST STARTED THEM AFTER HEARING JOHN GRAY ON TALK RADIO. FOR ANYONE WORKING ON THEIR RELATIONSHIP THAT WANTS TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER BETTER THIS IS A GREAT HELP....more info
- Ever feel that your spouse doesn't handle stress the same way as you?
Ever feel that your spouse doesn't handle stress the same way as you? Well they don't. John Gray introduced us to this separate ways of thinking with his first book Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus. In his new book Why Mars and Venus Collide, John Gray goes into our brain matter and explains to us why men and women look at and react to stress in different ways. John explains, by providing us with examples, of how to approach each other with respect to our different ways of thinking.
The stress levels in most homes are high as both partners are working and expected to pitch in at home. By learning how to ask for help in the right way we can save ourselves from experiencing additional stress and frustration and keeping romance alive. John explains that what women expect and what men expect are different. We need to learn to respect those differences and work with them. John shows us the strategies on how to effectively communicate those needs.
Reviewed by Sharon Pulido
- Good info
This is another in the line of good relationship books from Dr Gray. I saw him recently in Calif at a health seminar and he made his subject even more interesting seeing and hearing him in person.
I've read several of his prior books and of course the first, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, are still the bench mark others must reach....more info
- when mars and venus collide
Its too bad that so late in life (mid 50's) i read this book. I recommend it to anyone 16 and older. After the bible, if there is only one book you read, this is the one. at last we can learn why our sex and the opposite tend to act as they do. A friend gave me a cd of the book which i loved, then i bought a copy for my son. before being given the book on cd, i would have thought it a stupid sounding book and never bought it. We can all get along. Don't miss this opportunity to bring peace and understanding to the ones you love most.
jeff turner...more info
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