|Boundaries in Marriage
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Learn when to say yes and when to say no--to your spouse and to others--to make the most of your marriage.
- This book saved my marriage and my sanity
Literally it did. I had read dozens of books trying to find a way to salvage my marriage, including several advising doing anything to please your husband. You know the ones-"no matter what,stay sweet" kind of thing,but building a truly loving marriage isn't that simple. "Boundaries in Marriage" gives advice on how you (man or woman)can be loving but also stand firm- stand firm in the areas that define your freedom as an individual, your self respect and your dignity as a human being. This was the first book on relationships that made total sense to me and that made a truly positive difference in my life. I also recommend "Boundaries" by the same authors....more info
- inciteful and a must read before marriage if possible
My daughter married young. Guess what...they did not know how to establish personal or marital boundaries. This book easily explains possible boundaries and why. Highly recommended for anyone prior to marriage as it can help avoid many problems. Marital problems in progress read it together do the workbooks and move forward instead of the divorce court....more info
This book has become an important part of my counseling practice. It is excellent at teaching what each spouse is personally responsible for in marriage. Developing healthy boundaries is essential to vitalized marriages.
Dr. Keith Gaddis, LMFT
- Great and helpful source of information
This book has helped me face the fact that I had not been looking to change myself but rather had been focusing on changing my husband. I was spending so much time and energy on him and his issues, I had completely lost sight of mine. I picked up the book to learn how to help my husband by setting boundaries and ended up learning I can only change myself! A great book, I highly recommend it .....more info
- An excellent book, but only if you have a close walk with Christ first
I would have given 5 stars but I caution those who are new to Christianity and are less familiar with God's word. I was given the Boundaries book four years ago but it must not have been the right time for me (or God knew that I wasn't mature enough in my walk) to use the wisdom found in Boundaries properly. I was going through a severe marital crisis and God led me to His Word to learn all I needed to know. Now that my marriage is being healed and having spent the last four years learning God's Word and learning to lean on Him and follow the Holy Spirit's promptings, recently I checked out the book at the library and found some good advice. In fact I enjoyed it thoroughly, specifically it reinforced that it was important to recognize how we are responsible for our own behavior and that alone if worked on can influence our relationships dramatically. I also realized that we are not to take ownership of other people's emotions. The Holy Spirit spoke these words to me based on my own experience with family and all the drama I used to involve myself with. The Holy Spirit also said to love others through their weaknessess. Overall this book was very helpful. The examples hit home. I am concerned about the way some scriptures are interpreted differently from the way I've been taught. It almost seemed like the author had an idea of his own and then turned to the Bible to support his belief rather than starting with a biblical principle and then using it to incorporate into his experiences. The only way to discern is through seeking the Lord dilligently, being prayerful and being led by the Holy Spirit in each situation. Do not be deceived. You can take all you've learned, but what counts is obedience at the very moment that God is asking you to do something that seems contrary to what you know...like when Abraham was asked to sacrifice his son. I do recommend this book for those who have a close walk with the Lord but suffer from being a people pleaser. One example I offer and as the Bible points out, 'do not rescue an agry person otherwise you'll have to rescue that person again'....more info
- eye opening
This is an excellent book. I had never heard of the concept of 'boundaries', but it makes a lot of sense and is very eye opening. I recommend this book to anyone that is married because it gives alot of guidance in how to make your life and your marriage much better....more info
- a rehash
This book was a rehash of the original Boundaries. Save your money and buy it instead....more info
It arrived in record time, about a week ground mail. It was BRAND NEW. And the price couldn't be beat....more info
- Very helpful
I found this book very helpful. It gave me great tips to help deal with situations in my marriage. It helped alot even though my husband was not interested in reading the book with me. It gave me tools to learn how to approach situations and help resolve issues....more info
- Breaking the Cycle of Old Habits, Even after 30 years
We'll be married 30 years this September. Old habits become ruts that you accept, however they can be damaging to your marriage relationship & can become abusive in nature, unintentionally. This book helps couples to examine "habits" behaviors that are not healthy & gives tools how to stop that behavior in a respectful way for each partner. I highly reccomend this book. It has given our marriage more respect for each other & a freshness to who we are as human beings....more info
- Boundaries in Marriage--Great Study!
The Boundaries in Marriage book and study by Cloud and Townsend is a wonderful study for newly married couples, long-time married couples and even engaged couples. To learn how to relate to our spouses in healthy ways--owning our feelings and attitudes but not accepting responsibility for theirs can be a very freeing concept once practiced. That is just one of the 10 "Laws of Boundaries" taught in this book and study--the other nine also have the potential of helping to create strong, healthy relationships if put into practice.
Anyone who has benefited from any of the other Boundaries books by these authors will also gain some helpful tools for marriage in this book. ...more info
- Healthy Relationships
Even God has healthy boundaries. This tool will help you develop healthy relaationships with everyone around you.
In Him, Dr. Carl...more info
- Boundaries in Marriage
A very good read about how to set boundaries on yourself in marriage, to protect yourself from the bad that your spouse is doing....more info
- Good resource
This book will be most helpful for couples when both partners are interested in improving the relationship. It could also be used in a classroom/small group setting....more info
- Reading this book (and bringing the principles into practice) could save your marriage
This book possibly saved our marriage. The same issue reared up its ugly head over and over for the past few years. I was at my wits end and ready to throw in the towel. This book pinpointed the problem and, even more important, offered the solution. Very simple, but not easy!...more info
- Boundaries in Marriage is a Must for every Marriage
This book should be read by every couple that is thinking of getting married, is married or has been married. This book is eye opening, spiritually uplifting and supportive. Anyone that has had a difficult time correlating the bible to everyday life experiences (marriage for this book), needs to read this book. Boundaries in Marriage is an amazing tool. An absolute must read for anyone....more info
- This book could change your life... at the very least, save your sanity!
I cannot tell you what medicine this book has been for me. As one reviewer pointed out, it helps to be grounded Biblically when reading it (puts you in less danger of misapplying it). But this book is almost revolutionary in some Christian circles, where love and praying are synonymous with hoping and enabling. And it is a MUST READ FOR PASSIVE PEOPLE PARTNERED WITH DOMINANT SPOUSES. I haven't read the original Boundaries, so I am grateful that there is an edition that deals specifically with the marriage dynamics....more info
- Great book!
I found this book to be very helpful. It was hard to put down once I started reading it....more info
- "never too late!"
I have WAITED in SILENCE for 50 years of ABUSE from an in-law - BOUNDARIES helped me BREAK-OUT in ONE DAY..a letter and a call saying, "NO MORE VISITS, woman!" I GOT IMMEDIATE RESPECT!! AMEN....more info
- An Incredibly Helpful Book for the Married and the Engaged!
This was the first book by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend that I have read. Therefore, I can neither confirm nor deny another reviewer's statement that it is essentially a rehash of the original Boundaries book. Having not read any of the other Boundaries books yet, I found this one to be quite excellent.
Whether or not you are a believer in Christ, this book can still be incredibly helpful if you're willing to read it with an open mind. It may even be helpful if you have a closed mind and you don't even want it to be helpful. ;) The strength in it is that it is not a "How To" book. The authors realized that lists of surface actions to change don't change the heart. They focus on pointing out principles and revealing truth. They give plenty of examples and paint pictures of how certain actions make others feel. This helps you see beyond yourself, thus allowing you to interact with your spouse with greater grace and mercy. The changes in your actions are the result rather than the solution.
Another thing I really like about this book is that it explains what submission and sacrifice in marriage really look like in the Bible and not in what the world believes that to look like. It explains that submission is always to be done in love and with the perspective of EVERYTHING that God has taught us through His Word. This means that submission and sacrifice do not mean giving up all your desires and doing everything your spouse tells you to do; it means upholding your responsibility to love your spouse no matter what (ie. loving them enough to help support the end of unhealthy behaviors and actions). Truly love your spouse as the Bible commands, will require you to say, "No," some times, it will require you to actively participate by voicing your own feelings and taking ownership for them, and it may even call for you to create a boundary of space by removing yourself if your spouse is being abusive. I have found this book to be very helpful for relationships outside of marriage as well (friendships, work hierarchys, family, etc).
The book begins by clarifying what a boundary really is (a means to help us determine "...where someone's control begins and ends" pg 24) and what it is not (a means to control someone else). It then continues to dislodge general society's definition of boundaries you may have in mind by explaining why and how boundaries and freedom are not mutually exclusive. Part 1 continues with a discussion of truths (laws) about marriage and people in general to be taken into account when one is setting boundaries and trying to respect another's boundaries.
Part 2 discusses 'oneness' and 'twoness', and it also addresses values. I believe the reviewer who had issues with this book being focused on twoness misunderstood this section. The authors are just pointing out that you weren't always one together so you have to understand that it takes work for two to become one. In fact, their first real statement in this section is that oneness is actually God's very design for marriage. Their point is that you can't depend on someone else to complete you; the idea is for your spouse to compliment and enhance you. My only issue with this section is that no person is absolutely complete, and the authors seem to take the assumption that this can be and should be the case. Christ is still completing a good work in us, and we won't be complete until we are home with Him in heaven. I think a better way the authors could have phrased this section is that the individuals should be able to assume responsibility and understanding for both their strengths and shortcomings.
Part 3 is the practical section that guides you in handling conflict. It helps you learn to handle it by first helping you define the type of conflict. It addresses handling conflict with someone who is willing AND with someone who is resistant.
Finally, Part 4 reemphasizes what boundaries are and what they are not. It discusses the misuse of boundaries.
This book holds quite a bit of information. I would recommend reading a section or two at a time and allowing breaks in between readings to evaluate and soak in the information. I hope you glean something valuable that will bless you from this book! Enjoy!...more info
- Marriage relationship guide
Book had many positive topics. If applied correctly, I believe that the topics discussed in this publication could work. Unfortunately for my marriage, it did not. I would still reccomment this work to a couple that would work to save thier marriage....more info
- wonderfully clear and helpful
The authors make a great point: Boundaries protect love. When we respect each other as individual entities, it's actually easier for each of us to grow into wholeness. We don't lean on our partner unwittingly or place blame or responsibility where it doesn't belong. Boundaries help make clear: whose problem is it, anyway? All too often we may cluelessly point to our partner as the source of our problems, but the problem is really our own upset, and that's something we have to claim, own, and do something about. The book is excellent in giving clear step-by-step examples of how to work through formerly perplexing issues through loving assertiveness. Highly recommended.
Lee Liebner, author/singer of As You Go, an inspirational gift book/song-on-CD/scrapbook-journal for young people about to enter the world....more info
- Really Good Book
Boundaries in Marriage describes Couple and Marriage Problems deeply and proposes some new tools to deal with them. The theory of Boundaries is really well developed and deeply detailed. The authors cover an unexplored secret of human relationship which is the dependence between self love and love to other people....more info
- Outstanding book!
I've read all kinds of books on marriage, and this is the first one I recommend to almost everyone. My husband and I just finished co-leading the Boundaries study at our church, but I found that this book takes Boundaries one step further. We have a great marriage, but this book has so many principles to live by that I will return to it for years on little issues and big ones. It's the closest thing I've seen to a "marriage manual," completely based on Biblical principles, and it just plain WORKS. It's totally worth a read for any married person, and shelf-worthy as a reference book thereafter!...more info
- Shame, Shame, Shame
What a horribly un-biblical book. It flies in the face of the Genesis and New Testament accounts of marriage. Of course, what else can you expect from these two idiots, who will give "advice" on anything for a buck. I truly hope Cloud/Townsend will be held accountable for all the marriages they have ruined with this book. Shame on them. ...more info
- Boundaries in Marriage
I found the book most helpful in understanding the dynamics in a relationship and why a spouse can be hurt by things that would not bother me. It is so important to be truthful about feelings....more info
- A horribly harmful book!
By focusing on the separateness of the two individuals in unifying marriage, this book will only encourage the divisions that it seeks to stop. Claiming a form of biblicalness by referring to biblical passages but missing the biblical model of marriage, they write a book that will harm many a Christian marriage. Their thesis is that many of the post marital problems comes because Christian couples naively assume that when two become one they will truly be that: one. No, they say, they remain to be two and the only way to keep the troubles out are to define boundaries of each's individuality from the onset.
You hear none of this in the Bible. Rather you read, 'What God has joined together let no man separate.' Marriage is designed by God to be a supernatural unifying to two individuals, much like in the trinity, indeed the best picture of this unity that the world can see. 'Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.' A selfless love by the husband will keep conflicts to a minimum because he leads, not by following his own desires, but by looking out for her best interest. 'Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.'
Rather than saying that our conflicts are because we are rebelliously living outside of God's plan for marriage, 'Boundaries in Marriage' says that we just need to give each other their space. Some of the suggestions are wise and would help to make a more godly marriage, but not because we are honoring each others' individuality, but because they involved thinking of the other.
If you are just newly married or have been married for a while and are looking for some practical advice on making your marriage a better agent for God's glory I would recommend:
For wives - The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective by Martha Peace
For husbands - Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God by C.J. Mahaney
For couples - Reforming Marriage by Douglas Wilson (although I do not agree with one-size-fits-all applications on areas such as homeschooling)....more info
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