|I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
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"AM I LOSING MY MIND?"
People with Borderline Personality Disorderexperience such violent and frightening mood swingsthat they often fear for their sanity. They can beeuphoric one moment, despairing and depressed thenext. There are an estimated 10 million sufferersof BPD living in America today -- each displayingremarkably similar symptoms: a shaky sense of identity sudden violent outburstsoversensitivity to real or imagined rejection brief, turbulent love affairsfrequent periods of intense depressioneating disorders, drug abuse, and other
self-destructive tendenciesan irrational fear of abandonment and an
inability to be alone
For years BPD was difficult to describe, diagnose, andtreat. But now, for the first time, Dr. Jerold J. Kreismanand health writer Hal Straus offer much-neededprofessional advice, helping victims and their familiesto understand and cope with this troubling,shockingly widespread affliction.
- Okay, but not the best.
I was very excited when I received this book. Because being diagnosed with BPD myself left wanting some information about the disorder, I decided to purchase this book. The book was pretty easy to read and comprehend, but it just wasn't as informative about the disorder as I had orginally hoped. Also, I noticed quite a few typo's in this book. It was a nice book, but just not what I was looking for in regards to information about BPD. ...more info
- A MUST in Psychoeducation!
This book saved me from eventual self destruction and led me to seek further resources on BPD recovery. Though it was written several years ago, it remains a classic in the literature. I have disseminated numerous copies of this book to mental health professionials,members of the clergy,and other fellow borderlines since I initially aquired it. ALL who received it benefited highly in finally understanding,in depth,the INTENSE and relentless anguish,pain and despair that those of us with BPD suffer from on a DAILY basis.Extremely insightful,INTERESTING,and thought provoking,"I Hate You Don't Leave Me!" contains quite a wealth of material for such a small and so reasonably priced volume. I recommend this book as a "starter" for recovering borderlines and ALL the significant others in their lives who must cope with them....more info
- i hate you, don't leave me
The book arrived i one week, however it was not in the condition advertised. i would be careful purchasing from this seller. the book though is amazing if you are a borderline patient or a family member of such. it is easy to read for a lay person. i recommend the book highly....more info
- Great Book
I read this book and this book helped me give me a better insight about borderline personality disorder. I have suffered for years with borderline personality disorder for years. I was diagnosed with it in 2005 of May and the book was easy to read and explained about my illness. I would highly recommend it to anyone who suffers from this mental illness it gives you the tools and steps and how to recover. ...more info
- Borderline Personality Disorder
This book is a good introduction to BPD for the lay person. It is not the final word for a clinical professional. Should be read with the understanding that there are gradations of BPD, as exists among all mental illnesses....more info
- I hate you - don't leave me: what a sense of relief
Our family has come in contact with this disorder and nobody had a clue what was going on. The title alone drew me in because it related so closely to what I have been witnessing. Within the first three chapters, I almost wore out my highlighter. So much was similar to our situation that I was flabbergasted! I have a lot more to research on the subject, but this was a good start.
I definitely recommend!...more info
- Poorly written
It seems as though the editor spell-checked this but that was all. Here are some examples of the poor writing:
He feel (sic) compelled to self punish
The borderline may often by (sic) the victim of recurrent quasi-accidents
The doctors could not nothing (sic) to help Margaret
Give me a break. Some interesting information, but I could not wait to be done with this book.
- please read this review
If you are truelly a borderline personality who is seeking information before treatment or you are new to treatment do not read this book.It is a very outdated view which is insensitive to the needs of BPDers and their families at a time when hope and faith is needed.I read this post intensive treatment and as a now diagnosed BPD meaning treated and considered successfully treated this book negates it.One star for pointing out fellow famous BPDers.But read this when you can look back... Stick to Marsha Linehan and" Lost in the Mirror"...more info
- A wonderful book
If you have a person with BPD in life this book is a must have. If you have BPD it will help you understand that some of your behaviors that seem unusual to other are understandable and can be explained and treated. This book explains the difference between this BPD and other mental illnesses. Many BPD's have other concurrent mental problems and treating a personality disorder is very different than say treating bipolar disorder.
This book saved my relationship by helping me understand the BPD in my life and helping that person to understand what the disorder has meant in terms of our relationship. A wonderful book, buy it now....more info
- Struggled to finish.....
This book did not hold my attention--my mind would wander. Put it aside several times but I finished with a struggle. ...more info
- Well-written; easy to understand!
Having witnessed firsthand the ravages of someone with BPD, this is the first book I've read that captures your interest and attention almost immediately, and expresses the entire matter in terms that those of us who are not "health care professionals" can understand, RELATE TO and LEARN FROM.
Unlike other books that discuss the affliction and leave you feeling a little confused, this one hits the mark.
One small nit - the quality of both the paper used and print itself leaves a lot to be desired. Looks like it was printed using a 10 year old inkjet with a bad black cartridge - in fairness, you CAN read all of the words. Perhaps I just got a "Monday morning" copy......more info
- I Hate You, Don't Leave Me
An easy-to-read book that gave lots of anecdotes, which "personalized" the topic for anyone who knows a Borderline. Many of the scenarios were very easy to relate to....more info
- Entering the World of Borderline Personality Disorder
"I Hate You, Don't Leave Me", is a short and (bitter) sweet book on the topic of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This book provides tangible and lucid examples and/or case studies in order to understand the disorder and the pathology it develops from. The examples and/or case studies are painted in story format and are very easy to digest and read practically in story format.
In my experience with BPD I have discovered that this disorder is usually misdiagnosis as another disorder, such as Bipolar Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Schizophrenia or just plain old Depression. This book also tries to remove any conjectures in regards to myths about BPD. For instance, that this disorder only effects women or only transpires if there is a history of abuse. It provides the information in black and white. However, there is a strong legend for the rest of the information that mainly is gray.
I realize that there has been some criticism that this book is dated and provides little valid information in the 21st century, since it was written about 20 years ago. In some ways I would agree and in other ways I would not.
This book was written in 1989, so yes there is still this freeze on some of the substance. For example, some aspects of the Cold War and Russia are provided as examples in understanding BPD and Social Sciences. Now this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but reading this book 18 years later it seems more like a reference in history than social sciences. Yet one could argue that history, BPD and social sciences are all the same thing. Also since this book has been written, gender roles have come a long way, so has technology and psychological research. When this book was written the DSM-III was the psychological frame of reference, not the DSM-IV-TR, what is currently being used.
BPD is still very much a new disorder, not in the fact that it hasn't been around for a long time, but that it is just recently has begun to be understood. There are more references to it in textbooks, research, personality classification and pop culture (such as novels and film). It is not as much of a "leftover disorder" as it used to be. This means, that professionals in the mental health and/or substance abuse field are beginning to see the influence that BPD has in the realm of psychology and social sciences.
As for this book providing no hope for people suffering from BPD and this book could cause more damage than good, well I don't know. I don't have BPD, so I don't know how I could have reacted to this information if I was suffering from BPD. Nevertheless, this book provides treatment techniques, how to seek support, what type of medication that can aid the client/person of BPD and no "cure" transpires overnight. So these former notions might not mesh with the holistic ideology of client/person with BPD.
Overall, this is a great starting point for anyone, professional or common person, to introduce themselves to this interesting and perplexing personality disorder. However, this book should not be the only form of treatment for anyone. It should be treated as a frame of reference, not the "say all of the disorder". In other words, if you were hungry and wanted a sandwich to eat, should you read a book about how to prepare a sandwich, or you should you go and consume one?
- Don't believe the cynics...
If it wasn't for this book, I would have never knew what the hell was wrong with me. I didn't understand by standard depression therapy and medications weren't working and I didn't understand why (still don't) my relationships always seemed so shallow. I recommend you read this book and then quickly follow it up with his second one "Sometimes I act crazy!" they have truly helped me change my life. ...more info
- Excellent product and condition!!
As usual my product was past my expectations, brand new of course and in such a timely fashion. I could not believe how quickly I recieved this book and the cd I ordered. I actually recieved them in perfect condition on the second day. Thank you..Thank You..Thank You...more info
- I Hate you, Don't Leave Me
When I first read this book, I had to stop after each chapter..sometimes after each paragraph to cry. At last, there were people who understood and felt what I had been going through my whole life. It was such a relief. The only down side is that the book is a bit dated.
After a few weeks, I got up the courage to show the book to my husband and suggest that he read it. After all, I'm the one with BPD. When I showed him the book, he said, "Oh, our marriage therapist gave me this book to help me understand you better." My only regret is that I didn't learn about this book sooner....more info
- Very Informative
This book is very interesting but informative at the same time. Sometimes these disorders are hard to relate to but this author gives a name and a face to BPD. Overall a great book....more info
- I Hate you - Don't Leave Me
For someone trying to understand borderline personality disorder, this is a very good primer. Although printed in 1989, it still provides relevant information in layman's terms. It is a quick read with plenty of ancedotal information to make the subject come alive. ...more info
- Cannot get this book off my Amazon home page
I found this book full of despair and hopelessness. I bought it b/c my daughter's mother-in-law has this disorder. It is a misery living near her. She has just about destroyed their 10 year marriage and even the 4 yr old will say things to her grandma "Do you have ANY idea what you are talking about?" This book made us realize there is NOTHING that can be done to stop this woman from pushing and pulling at the same time. We are educated about anxiety, bipolar and depression and have witnessed remarkable control of symptoms. This book offered NOTHING.
AND FOR THREE YEARS IT POPS UP ON MY HOME PAGE FROM AMAZON --ALWAYS -- ALTHOUGH I HAVE BOUGHT HUNDREDS OF OTHER BOOKS AND NEVER WANT TO SEE THIS AGAIN. I have "deleted" it from my browsing reviews three times but it never, ever leaves. There is no way to contact Amazon and I honestly do not think I can tolerate being reminded of this book on a daily basis....more info
- Finding Solace
This book is well written, easy to understand, and very much geared towards the lay person.
From a personal standpoint, it has been incredibly helpful and informative, and I have found great solace in it. Knowing that there is a reason for some of the crazy behaviours that used to make me question my sanity, has brought a greater sense of acceptance and peace... not so much internal battling that I'm mad and I'm a bad person because of it. Love it; bought it for several friends, who have also found great meaning, affinity and relief from it.
I don't imagine it's for everyone, but if the title of the book resonates with how you feel, it's for you... and it's also probably for everyone in your life who loves you. ...more info
- Don't give up
If you want to save your relationship, this is the book to read for both of you....more info
- Things Become Clearer
This book defines a condition that has baffled us - BPD. Suspicions are confirmed, and perhaps courses of action are opened to us that we didn't have before. We recommend this book if someone close to you is frightening you with their behavior. It can enable you to take action, or at least better understand what's going on....more info
- Great Insights, Slightly Dated
When I read the opening chapter on "Jennifer," my ex jumped out at me. It was as if Kreisman and Straus had met and perfectly captured her personality. The insights into those with a trapped child psyche made sense of the nearly incomprehensible behavior patterns of those we love and have failed to reach. More importantly, the authors provide guidelines into how to respond to these suffering human beings. I wish I had read this book before the relationship hit the rocks; it would have helped me understand what was happening with her and how to respond to her crisis. I do disagree with the authors on one point; those with BPD are not really manipulative. From what I've read and seen, BPDs are so focused on maintaining their adult facades that they have little ability to manipulate those that love them. Their behavior is nearly always defensive and self-preserving, a by-product of fear and resulting anger....more info
- Answers at last!
This book was very informative on BPD. The case studies included were very helpful in helping to understand more clearly. This book is user friendly. I ran through this book very quickly, I had a hard time putting it down. After reading this book I felt so much more informed about BPD which seems to be a mystery to so many.
- I Hate You, Don't Leave Me
This is a great book for an inside look at Borderline Personality Disorder....more info
- Explaining the Borderline
Read It and weep. It will be discouraging to recognize that some lovedone fits so well the description herein of Boderline Personality Disorder. Yet, to know and to understnd are truly the first steps toward adjustment and reconcilliation, for patient as well as others who are concerned and often victims. Facts are presented dispassionately, leaving little to encourage the reader.
Kreisman's book will help clinician and layman alike cut throug the maze of confusion while giving not ony helpful insights, but a few "to-do" ideas that may well be the most beneficial therapy some BPD's receive....more info
- You can't "provoke" your partner to beat you
Wow, I was planning to order this book, but then I read the first few pages, available here at Amazon. Right away we hear about a woman - presumably one with Borderline Personality Disorder - who regularly "provokes" her husband to hit her. (We have already heard that this man likes to choose her clothes for her and control how she behaves which is classic Domestic Violence behavior.) Really?? She "provokes" him to hit her?? And I see from other reviews here that the book is full of lots of this. Ugh. I'm really glad I saw this before ordering the book....more info
- What an eye opener!!!
This book was recommended by my therapist to help me deal with my girlfriend and her BPD. I have been a Registered Nurse for 26 years and had never even heard of the things that this book taught me. It saved our relationship by educating me. I learned how not to play into it and make it worse. I also read, "Walking on Egg Shells". ...more info
- Although a little outdated, a must read for the newly diagnosed BPD
I encourage all newly diagnosed BPD individuals to find the time to read this alone. This is a time for learning about oneself and this book is integral. For those who haven't read it in 5 or more years, it may be time to reread as one reexperiences the struggles that make this illness so debilitating and socially paralyzing....more info
- Swings from simple to understand to technical and tough terrain
This book is well written and informative, but also very tough at times to get though technical language. I did learn a lot about a loved one by reading it, but it took commitment to get through. :)...more info
- Waste of money
I have been studying many different disorders for quite some time. I picked up this book thinking it would be an interesting insight to the disorder but was horribly disappointed. This book points an accusing finger at people suffering from BPD, makes them out to be "bad people". I do understand that the book was written some time ago, but realistically, the book is very misinformative. Don't take the book for a bible on the disorder by any means. You can't just assume when it comes to a mental disorder like BPD, it's just about as versitile as AIDS. I strongly caution anyone that desides to read any material on BPD. Given the misconseptions of the disorder people can be pit against those with the problem. I definately DO NOT recommend this book if you are looking for understanding in regards BPD....more info
I received the product in a timely manner and in good condition. I'm very satisfied with my purchase...more info
- Very Informative but dry
The book was informative but it was very dry. it reads like a medical manual. they did make a lot of good points though. ...more info
- One of the best books out there on Borderline Personality Disorder
I purchased this book for a friend. She wanted to give it to her Doctor. She was so impressed with this book she wanted everyone to read it. It is very well thought out and easy to understand for the lay person. A must read if have Borderline Personality Disorder or just know someone that does....more info
- Solid but very dated
This book was first published in 1989, and it's kind of surprising how far the understanding of BPD and the available treatments have come since then. For example, this book predates the development of SSRIs and SNRIs, so they are of course not discussed. Nor is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, which has become recognized as the most effective means of mitigating BPD among those who desire to change. The authors are pretty reliant on Freudian psychology, too, which will strike most readers as old-fashioned. All this aside, however, this book is valuable for gaining familiarity with the disorder. This should not be the only thing you read about BPD, as the 1989 perspective might lead you to believe that no effective therapy exists....more info
- A Must Read Book on Borderline Personality
I wanted to thank you for writing this book. It helped me bring back my sanity. I'm beginning to heal and understand the behavior of someone I used to love and care about, who literally put me through hell.
I had a very painful relationship with a woman two years ago and I couldn't make sense what was going on with her at the time. She was in her late 20's and has been going through many relationships with different guys and had a 12 year old daughter
and a 5 year old son -- both kids by different men. She had her daughter when she was 15. As I learn more about BPD, I recognize that impulsiveness is one its characteristic features. This woman was very impulsive and was ready to have sex or get married with someone who she just got to know for a very short time. And her emotions were fluctuating from one moment to the next, triggering an outburst at some minor thing. She could be very sweet and seductive at one moment and then turn into someone cruel and vindictive -- a complete 180 degree change from an angel to a monster. If I ignored her, she'd say I didn't love her enough and if I showered her with gifts, she'd accuse me of smothering her. Anyway, she lived in another state and I went to visit her for a week -- and her moods would change from appearing very happy at one moment to crying the next. She also had almost paranoid delusions about people trying to hurt her. I didn't know what to do. I tried to be patient und understanding. I went back to Connecticut, hoping we could continue seeing each other. And then I started learning about her bisexuality and her sleeping around. Anyway, she would always lie to protect herself and I couldn't tell at one point what was truth and what was fiction anymore. She would also accuse me of things that I hadn't done. And the more I tried to understand her, the more I saw that she had no real sense of self -- she was like a chameleon, being different things to different people. I learned from her that she was belittled and humiliated by her mother and molested by her stepfather. That could well explain her lack of a real self.
Anyway, she ended up cutting all contact with me and marrying another guy, who is nine years younger than her. It was a nightmare that led to my depression and hospitalization for two weeks. I finally understand that it's not my fault. Borderline personality disorder is destructive for everyone involved. I studied psychology in college and I'm now beginning to appreciate some of the insights that I gained. BPD is very real, and I think people can recover from it if they recognize the problem.
I do hope that many more people will read this book and learn about the reality of BPD. It has helped me in my healing process. I would highly recommend it to anyone, who's been trying to understand it.
--Alexander Shaumyan, poet, author of "The Spirit of Rebellion"...more info
- Finally a book that explains BPD in simple words
While reading this book, I kept wondering how the author had read my mind and put them in words with this publication. Being envolved with someone with BPD, I had often known that something was wrong but couldn't pin point it. Often, I thought that I was the insane one in the relationship. Finally, when it was brought to my attention that he might be suffering from BPD, I was recommended this book. The book is simple to read, yet it address the condition and its symptoms. It also talks about how to seek help and communicate with someone effected with BPD. This book helped me get over my doubts and insecurities about myself and realize that the problem, which was a textbook condition, lied with my partner. I can only imagine how many people out there are envolved with individuals with BPD and are suffering in those relationships!...more info
I've known for a while that something was definitely not right with me. After reading a brief description of BPD, and upon recommendation from a friend, I picked up this book. It has impacted my life more than I can say. 75% of the book is now highlighted, and at parts I almost burst into tears. How someone could take daily struggles and print them in paperback was beyond me. Identifying the problems haven't eliminated them, but have helped me to start working through them and seek help. I would recommend this book to anyone directly or indirectly coping with Borderline Personality Disorder. It didn't make me want to kill myself; it made me want to learn more about the disorder and how to resolve it....more info
- Very Good Book
This book explains borderline personality disorder using a simple language and clear examples. Recommended even to those who do not know much about the borderline pathology. ...more info
great for therapy and good for young readers with attachment issues, and push-pull relationships Borderline issues...more info
- Get his latest book "Sometimes I Act Crazy" instead!!
I've been researching BPD full time for weeks now, and I've read several books on the subject so far. While this one is spoken of as the canonical book since it was one of the first, it is inferior to Kreisman's latest revision entitled "Sometimes I Act Crazy". I Hate You Don't Leave Me suffers from all the problems already mentioned by other reviewers -- outdated information about the treatment, prognosis, and even mechanisms of the disorder, as well as being somewhat dry. The new book includes all the same information, but also describes the narratives of several very different cases of BPD; the new one does a much better job of helping non-BPD's understand the disorder, and of demonstrating the spectrum of behavior that can result because of BPD....more info
- The worst thing to happen to me.
I bought it because I thought it would help me understand my diagnosis. It made me feel utterly hopeless. I lent it to the woman I was rapidly falling love with. We referred to it as the "Doom and Gloom" book, initially trying to be light about things. Eventually, of course, life (including BPD) caught up with us.
This is such a damaging book. This book lists nightmare story after nightmare story, suggests that we can't get better, and then guesses at who may or may not have been suffering with BPD - a famous woman who killed herself, an infamous man who killed millions.
If the author is a doctor he should have his license revoked - first do no harm, isn't that how it goes? To publish this drivel, then add unproven theories and present it the way it's presented is dangerous and irresponsible.
Sadly, yes, BPD sufferers can inflict pain on others. This book can only cause grave misunderstandings, prejudice, and more pain. It is horribly one sided and does a disservice to BPD sufferers and non-BPD sufferers alike.
I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone other than to use it as kindling.
- An outdated and discouraging book
I am a psychotherapist who works with many borderline clients and their partners/families. I have a great fondness for my clients. I have read and recommend a number of books on borderline personality, but NEVER this one. It is an older book and does not reflect our more current understanding of the borderline personality While the information tends to be accurate, it is not complete, and it presents a pretty negative picture of the borderline. In the not so recent past, the borderline was considered to be "untreatable" - nothing could be done to help them. Thanks to current researchers, we now know that is not true. Like many people with psychiatric disorders, medication and therapy can help. My clients who have attempted to read this book have found it upsetting, and it makes them feel very bad about themselves. There are much better books for borderlines and their loved ones that explain the disorder very well, give good information, and are able to help borderlines feel humanized and hopeful, while still being very honest about a very difficult disorder. Borderlines have no more asked for their disorder than the schizophrenic or the bipolar individual has asked for their disorder. Given the amount of information and books available now, there are just better choices for learning about borderline personality disorder.
Nicole Andrews...more info
- Recovery from codependence with a BP
Few books have changed my life. This one has. I highly recommend it for anyone who is:
1. In a relationship with a BP
2. Recovering from a relationship with a BP
3. Considering a relationship with a BP.
I'm a number 2. First and foremost the book will relieve you of a lot of guilt and longing, since you will stop blaming yourself for everything that went wrong. And if you had a true experience, I'm sure a lot of things went wrong.
The book is worth it for the first 50 pages alone. Just by reading those pages you'll have a feel for what your getting into with a BP. The characterizations and lists of traits, with good examples, are accurate and understandable.
How has the book changed my life? After 3.5 years with an enthralling, fascinating, brilliant and sexy BP as my girlfriend and ultimately, my fiance, well, I had to call the police on her once too often and she left the state. Now she is asking to come home. The book gave me a clear understanding of how intense my commitment must be, and how much I must sacrifice to try it again. The relationship had left me near-suicidal, depressed, and feeling unworthy of another relationship. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS, NOW I KNOW I'M NOT ALONE. I know much of it is NOT my fault. So I've decided to move on. The book did that. ...more info
- Saved my sanity!
I have been married to a borderline personality for 16 years. I love him, but it has been very, very hard sometimes...no, a lot of the time. I was getting to the point of wondering if it was me; what was I doing wrong? This book helped me to understand that the signs I was seeing were real. It helped me to clarify for myself that I probably will never be able to make it better for him....no matter what I do or don't do. At least I'm armed with some understanding, which feels so good after so long and after so many people told me that it's "just the way he is." I wish I had read this much sooner. I see these same traits now in my 15-year-old daughter. Hopefully, it's not too late to get help for her so that she won't live out her life in such turmoil and pain....more info
- Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor
This is a great book. I already have a copy and I bought this one as a gift for my daughter, who expressed interest in the topic. I would highly recommend this book to both professionals and laypeople. It is an easy read with nice clear examples and professional references....more info
- Staple BPD But Difficult To Read
I Hate You, Don't Leave Me is packed full of useful information if you are a clinician. It is very useful in understanding BPD but falls short in entertaining the reader. I have referred this book to many of my clients, but more times then not the client returns saying they could not finish the book because it was so difficult to read. Unfortunately, there are very few noteworthy books about BPD on the market. The exceptions and what I recommend if you are involved in a BPD relationship (friends, family, significant other) is #1 One Way Ticket To Kansas by Ozzie Tinman, #2 Stop Walking on Eggshells by Randi Kreger. ...more info
- borderline at best
this book is dated (published in 1989 a lot can happen in 20 years), and heavy on annecdotal recollections. for every nugget of useful information/advise, there are two or three examples of borderlines in action. these "war stories" do not offer much in the way of advice or coping options. anyone who has been in a relationship with a BPD (marriage/divorce, professional, friendship, etc.) knows the drill. I agree with the reviewer who advises "don't make this your first BPD book". the book has value, but I found the helpful parts few and far between. put this fourth on fifth on your reading list....more info
- Everyone should read this
Anyone who deals with people on a day to day basis, should read this book....more info
- finally understand what is borderline
through examples of real people, the author explains the different aspects of this disorder. if you want to read about borderline personality disorder start here....more info
- Great Book
This book is an absolute must read for someone who knows little or nothing about BPD. If you want to know more be sure to order this book you will be glad you did....more info
- Essential Reading for those with BPD
When I first discovered this book, I found this book and the title alone summed up all of my relationships I had had up to that time (I was only 19). It was as if someone had written a book about me, I was relieved that I wasn't the only person in the world who went through what I was going through. I was able to take a look at my behaviors and make a conscious effort to change them. For years this book was essential reading for anyone involved in a relationship with me. If you are Borderline or love someone that is, your life will improve at least a bit after reading this book....more info
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