|All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right
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The two bestselling phenomenons now together in one timeless, definitive edition. In their #1 New York Times bestseller, The Rules, Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider shared their time-tested techniques for finding the man of your dreams. Controversial and effective, these 35 rules changed millions of women's lives all over the world. In their sensational sequel, The Rules II, the authors showed readers how they could follow The Rules in even the most difficult situations. A simple set of dos and don'ts, The Rules will lead you where you want to be: in a healthy, committed relationship. It recognizes that men are either attracted to you or not-and that they want a challenge, not an easy victory. Although they sound old-fashioned and tough, The Rules will bring out the best in you and the men you date. The goals? Marriage, in the shortest time possible, to a man you love, who loves you even more than you love him. Whether you're eighteen or eighty, a beauty queen or a woman with ordinary looks, The Rules will work for you.
I am currently working the tips of the trade right now as I write this note. I have to honestly say that I believe that the tips are working. I'm feeling less stressed, snags in the relationship are seen very quickly and identified accurately as far as who is causing them, instead of concentrating on the other person and what their issues might be, all you have to do, is "The Rules"....more info
- Seriously, this is what century?
This book was suggested by a friend who stated she thought it was great! When I started reading the book I was intrigued by some of the information then started wondering what year I was in. If I was in my grandmother's era of growing up these things probably worked but it seems the tables are turning and men are not as easily wowed by feminine whiles.
Secondly, I most of the information didn't pertain to me and my situation. I think this book would be for someone who is just starting to date, to keep a guy at bay but for those of us who have been in and out of relationships and in the "dating scene" this book was not too much help.
I'm currently reading a book dated in the 16th Century and these suggestions seemed to work well in that era....more info
- GETS BACK TO MAKING IT WORK!
All the Rules
This is a book I'd heard so much about, just had to read it. If more young girls followed these guidelines, life would be so much easier for them! Good even for a mother to read--excellent suggestions available for the too-available type!...more info
- Should be titled: "how to catch men who are sexual predators."
This book should be called, "How to catch men who are sexual predators."
That is the type of man you will catch if you follow the rules. Using these "Rules," you will only catch men who look at dating as a game, who want to "score," and who look at women as sexual objects to be conquered.
Men who are normal will simply take your cool stand-offishness at face value. If you make it appear that you are not interested, they will simply back off and leave you alone. Normal, healthy men simply assume that you mean what you say, and they will back off if you play the foolish head games that this book recommends.
Reading Jane Austen's novels gives you much better dating advice. If you read Jane Austen's novels, you discover that if her characters liked a man, they would give him signs of encouragement that they liked him. They would drop hints and say yes if he asked them out, and that sort of thing. Austen made it clear that if a women does not give any signs of encouragement, she should not be surprised if the man soon disappears.
Compare this with the basic premise of "The Rules" which is: You should use deception to trick men into loving you.
Ladies, if you honestly think that deception is a solid foundation for lasting love, I feel sorry for you. In fact, I will go even further: if you believe that you need to trick men into loving you, you DESERVE to die alone as an old maid. (Sorry if that sounds harsh).
Genuine love is based on complete HONESTY tempered by KINDNESS and HUMOR. It has nothing to do with deception, head games, and trickery. NOTHING!
This book is truly harmful. It attempts to gives women an illusion of control. But women who follow this book will only succeed at avoiding "good guys" who believe in the idea of being a "Knight on a white horse" and who enjoy treating their women like a princess.
On the other hand, this book will teach you to succeed, beyond your wildest dreams, at catching men who are "sexual predators" who look at love as a "scoring" game of conquest. These are the men who, once you have given in to their aggression, quickly grow tired of you and move on.
If that's what you want, go for it!...more info
If you have had problems in your relationships mostly due to the person you love not loving you back or reacting as affectionate towards you as you do towards them, this is the book for you!! Super easy to understand and relate to, the "Rules" helped me learn ALL of the things I was doing that I thought was luring them in, instead they were actually drawing them away! Very insightful, and each of these Rules has worked throughout the ages to find the man, or woman of your dreams and keep them loving you more than you love them. ...more info
- Living Proof the Rules work!
I am absolutely, 100% behind this book, its writers and all the rules girls out there! Until the rules came along I had no idea what I was doing wrong. I've always been cute, great body, smart, successful. I had no problem attracting men, but I just couldn't seem to get into a relationship with them. I figured out, from the rules, that I was being too available to the ones I liked and unavailable to the ones I didn't like, and of course, the ones I didn't like were crazy about me! What a revelation. Just a few months after doing the rules, I attracted the man who is now my husband. He proposed after dating a few months, and I made the decision to wait a year before marrying him, just so I could be sure. But the best part is he wanted to marry me before I wanted to marry him. Any idiot man who says anything negative about this book just doesn't want to have to put in the work, which means he isn't worthy, anyway. Just don't listen to anyone who says anything bad about this book. It rocks, it works and I'm living proof. Married 3 and 1/2 years now, happily, to a man 8 years younger, and am completely indebted to the rules. I pass this information on to any woman who claims problems with men. It has been a godsend for me and millions of other women. Thank you, The Rules!...more info
- this book is retarted.
I can't stand this book. It's outdaded and unncessary. In the technology age (with social networking sites like Myspace and Facebook as well as high-tech communication devices that keep people constantly in touch with one another) it is literally impossible to avoid men or play "hard to get" in the manner this book prescribes. Furthermore, this book simply calls for a practice of "playing it cool" that most sane, self-respecting women already inuit without having to read this repetitive, mind-numbing and condescending "advice" manual. I only read this book because my roommate, who is very attractive but a complete idiot with guys, left it on the coffee table and I was bored. It took me 2 hours to read the entire book... two hours of my life I will never get back. I tried not to memorize any of the "advice" as I found it all to be embarassing and frustrating. On the converse, my roommate follows the book to the letter, often quoting it in front of our friends. She has not has so much as a date in 6 months.
I am skeptical of self-help books in general but this one is just useless. You don't need to take anyone's advice with guys. Just go with your gut, have your own life, and don't be desperate. Who needs a book for that?...more info
- For serious and mature readers only!
A great book. I loved it from the beginning to the end. Most negative reviews for this book were from guys and I understand why. Guys don't want us to make them put an effort into pursuing us (girls). They definately wish it would be easier for them, but that's exactly why our relationship fails to work after time- we make it too easy. The book teaches how to interest men and make him work to get you if he really wants you and if he doesn't, you don't need him. The book is very true. That's how all relationship work. For those who really wants to get married-don't live with a guy before you get married, otherwise he will never propose and you`ll find yourself pushing him into doing it, not what you want. I'm sooo unbelievably sorry I didn't read this book earlier. I would have not made so many mistakes in my life.
- Should be required reading for women
I have heard a lot of people complain that The Rules are old-fashioned, degrading, manipulative, and silly.
Do you think that men are always straight-forward and honest with their intentions? And that they are never manipulative? The Rules puts you at the controls so you can weed out men who are bad apples. There are ALOT of great men out there, but there are also some who aren't worth your time--especially not worth your EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT.
Sure, the rules themselves can be misused and played manipulatively. But any system can be misconstrued into something it's not intended to be.
I am dating a wonderful man right now. I used many of the rules on him, without even intending to! The essence of this book can be summed up as this: STOP TRYING SO HARD. You cannot "make" a guy like you, and you will only hurt yourself trying.
A lot of women say, "oh but you should just be yourself". Fine. You should "be yourself" at a job interview also, but there are some aspects of your personality that you present differently to a potential employer. It is the same with a potential mate, in the early stages of dating. You're not being deceptive or manipulative. You're being careful and smart.
Make smart choices. Read this book....more info
I am unable to review this book because I have never received this item. I have made 2 attempts to get information on why I have not received the book and have not received a reply. I am very dissatisfied....more info
- A Must Read For Those In the Dating Game
I love this book! I first read it about 10 years ago, after my heart was completely obliterated by a boy who promised me the moon, and a big rock, and then turned into a huge inconsiderate jerk who took me for granted after I moved across the country to be with him (after me begged me for a year to move). In some ways, I am glad I didn't know the rules in that relationship. I probably would have ended up with that huge assh**e!
I am happy to report I am in a fantastic marriage of 7 years now, and I did use SOME of "The Rules", but I did not abide by them strictly. I reread this book last month before giving the book to my niece who is in her teen angst years. She has already started using some of the rules to protect her heart, and not wait around for boys who just don't value her. She doesn't chase boys anymore; that is, doesn't call them or try to talk to them at their locker/car, or wait for them after b-ball practice. The book has taught her if someone truly does value her and respects her, they will pursue her. I still use the rules with my husband if I ever feel he is taking me for granted. I stop calling him during business hours. I stop sending him love notes unless he reciprocates. I don't always answer the phone when he calls me. These little things make him yearn for me, even miss me. I always know that the rules work when he brings me home a "just because" card, or flowers. He also tells me repeatedly, "I really missed you today." I never feel unloved and if I ever feel I am being taken for granted, it doesn't last long! He knows I am not at his beck and call. By me having a life that doesn't completely revolve around him, he sees my value, and his attraction for me grows... even after 7 years!
I like the book's emphasis on having a full and balanced life, being self confident, and let the man be the man/"take the lead". From this book I learned that men are hunters and they do love to pursue. We as women should not make it too easy for them to bag and tag us. Women should create a fulfilling life no matter what situation we are in.
If you liked this book, or at least thought there was some good info in it, you may also like "The Secret" and other books on the universal law of attraction or the universal law of abundance. ...more info
- PLEASE DON'T LISTEN TO THIS STUFF...
Yes, I read this book, and Yes, I'm a man... that is "kind, sensitive, professional, likes theatre and the symphony, loves long walks on the beach" and all the rest of the things we're programmed to say by the "find a mate" industry... In my particular case it all happens to be true, but... I'm single. Why? Because any man with half a brain and fully functioning heart can spot this kind of manipulation... and why in the world would a truly good man think of spending the rest of his life with a woman that starts by playing games.
The saddest thing is, most of you are wonderful women who are just far too influenced by the yammering of other females instead of listening to your own heart. Guys are not all idiots when it comes to spotting this kind of behavior...
Sure, these "rules" will ABSOLUTLEY work most of the time... but they only work on the guys that really ARE shut off emotionally or are just plain shallow.
Most of us figured out a long time ago that authenticity is the only way to start a relationship and we have huge "hot buttons" that get pushed at the very first sign of female manipulations, (be they intentional or not)... and while some men (like me) run at the first sign of that... MANY of my friends will simply put those women into the category of "players"... "girls" that may be fun to hang around, date and bed but they aren't ever going to be "the one"... luckily, sometimes they are around long enough to truly show some authentic humanity... and in that case, most of us guys will "re-assess" and say to ourselves... "hmmm, maybe we can make something deep and lasting here..."
A woman that is her own person, independent, with her own ideas and interests (but also doesn't wear those traits like chips on her shoulders (which is just another form of "posing" if you ask me)) is what most of us want...
I hope this rant helps in some way (if you are in any way offended by my wording, please know there isn't any anger in this, just hope for clarity). I'm sure that these authors meant well when they wrote these "rules", but this is TERRIBLE advice to follow to attract anything but guys from "the low end of the male emotional and intellectual spectrum"... in some ways, though, I would recommend this book... IF you can read it and see the falseness in most of the "tricks" that are taught and you analyze the best way to NOT be that way, it can be very helpful.
Please.... just take care of yourself, be courageous, accentuate your strengths and legitimately deal with your weaknesses and you will be a wonderful, happy, interesting woman... and NONE of us knuckle-dragging guys can resist a happy, confident woman! ;-)...more info
- everything you wish your mother(sister,older friend) could have told you, but didn't
after reading this book, I fell much more confident. I know what to do so as not to make any mistakes....more info
First, I want to start by saying my college writing class about HYPOCRISY is analyzing this text! If that does not give some hint as to the ridiculous nature of this book, I do not know what does. I will not explain all (because there are numerous) ways in which this text is ridiculous and hypocritical, but I will state a few. One of the funnier points I read today was when the text states, "there's a big difference between being mysterious and being deceptive". In the next paragraph they tell the reader to respond with, "I really haven't thought about it", if a man asks why your not married. Obviously you have thought about getting married if you bought this book, that is the whole point, isn't it? So, your saying that your not thinking about marriage even though you clearly are. But, didn't they just say don't be deceptive?
One of my other favorite parts is about how the books stress independence, females shouldn't rely on men. However, if we are counting on them to make all of the moves, even initiating the first conversation, then we are dependent. We are dependent on their actions and advances to get into a relationship. My favorite quote dealing with independence is, "instead, he becomes slightly jealous when she does her won thing". Personally, I think independence means that each partner enjoys doing things with and without the other. While they may enjoy a boys night out, I similarly want a girls night out. However, with the rules this independence is bad. I would feel extremely frustrated if I felt I couldn't be independent because every time I go out with friends my boyfriend/husband gets jealous. Also, while the book claims men like independent woman more, then why would the be jealous if a woman tries to be independent? Wouldn't it be a turn on or something? Also, I really don't want my boyfriend/husband to be so clingy that if I try to do something on my own he becomes distressed, because if that's true then the relationship definitely isn't going to work out.
Those are just some of my opinions. While there are many other reasons why this book is complete ridiculousness, I think I will stop there and let all the "intelligent" women ask themselves if they really are acting as intelligently as they think. And for the people considering this book, please don't be fooled and actually think about what the book is saying. Of course, I would never discourage a woman from buying the book for a good laugh, because it did put a smile on my face more than once. ...more info
- What the book taught me.......
I bought this book from a book store under the recommendation of a close friend, and I absolutely love it. I call it a love bible, and it has pretty much everything that you need to know about dating and men. The reason that it's called "time tested" is because it is the experiences of thousands and thousands of women over maybe a few centuries. Technology and society are evolving, but men are still men, and women are still women. After finishing reading the book shortly, some guys showed their interests in me. And guess what, I did not spot them or respond correctly although I've read the book. So I found out that I've always been attracted to the wrong type of men since I was 17. The thing is that when we are in a particular situation, we are very likely not able to analyze what's right and what's wrong; on the other hand, we might be able to tell our girlfriends that their boyfriends are cheating on them. So the best way to weed out the wrong men for you is to read the book and join a rules support group at the same time. Or talk to your girlfriends who believe in the rules. If you can't find either a girlfriend or a support group, then talk to your mother or grandmother. We might not like what they think or what they say at the moment, but they always turn out to be right 99% of the time. So most of all, I think this book is a must have for every woman. It does not tell you to be the person that you are not or to make things happen; instead, it teaches you self-respect and find who's the one for you! So overall, I give the book a five star rating!!! It is worth a lot more than the cost! Go and get a copy!!!...more info
- Great book for dating women!!
It's never too late to read a good book like this when you are still dating. It really works....more info
- Foolish, harmful "rules"
Here are some of The Rules (from a newspaper article about the author):
*Never call a man--it takes away the challenge; without the challenge, he won't be interested.
*Pause before answering an invitation for a date; answering right away makes you look desperate.
*Don't call a man, don't ask him to dance.
*The more you're interested in a man, the more you should ignore him.
*If the man doesn't continue to pursue you after you've ignored him, then you should forget him because he's not interested.
I have too much respect for women to put any stock in these "rules." If I show interest and a woman doesn't respond in kind, then I will respect that and be on my way. The Rules seems to be written by and for women who lack confidence in themselves and who are looking for the man to do all the work. These rules also assume men can read women's minds.
My best relationships have begun when both of us were equally enthusiastic about being together from the get-go. The Rules seem to encourage women to play games, rather than embarking on the matter of finding a serious relationship. Manipulation, in the end, hurts everybody. If you like someone, what's wrong with telling them, for goodness' sake? It'll save you both a lot of time. (In an interview after the book was published, the author admits that she broke some "rules" in finding her husband-to-be.)
If I were to write a dating book, I would simply tell women that you don't need to play games if you're looking for a good man. The good, decent guys are going to show genuine interest and will hope you do the same. If you call him or ask him to dance, he's going to be happy (like any normal human being). Showing interest means that you are good and decent, too, and the chances are that you two will have a good relationship.
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