The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It

 
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An unprecedented look at the real reasons for male marital infidelity, and what might prevent it

Few events cause as much turmoil in a marriage as infidelity. It can shatter trust and breed insecurity and resentment from which some relationships never recover. People who think it won't happen to them are hit that much harder when it does. Why are men unfaithful? Can infidelity be prevented? Can a wife single-handedly ensure that her husband won't stray? What do men say they're getting from their mistresses that they're missing at home? Do a man's friends have anything to do with his willingness to cheat?

While there are books that have explored the feelings and experiences of wives whose husbands have been unfaithful, the question of why men cheat and whether it is because of sexual dissatisfaction, emotional dissatisfaction, or something else has remained largely unexamined. At last, Lessons from Cheating Husbands presents many fascinating and provocative answers. In this book, experienced family counselor Gary Neuman shares the revealing and surprising findings of a cutting-edge research study in which he interviewed and studied close to 100 men from 48 states who have physically cheated on their wives. In this book, Neuman shares many shocking discoveries, including the prominent role of emotional dissatisfaction in motivating husbands who stray and how small a role sexual dissatisfaction plays.

Drawing on dramatic case stories of the author's own work with clients, Lessons from Cheating Husbands includes proactive strategies and action steps for married women that will help them prevent infidelity, and create a faithful and rewarding marriage.

Book Description

Few events cause as much turmoil in a marriage as infidelity. It can shatter trust and breed insecurity and resentment from which some relationships never recover. People who think it won't happen to them are hit that much harder when it does. Why are men unfaithful? Can infidelity be prevented? Can a wife single-handedly ensure that her husband won't stray? What do men say they're getting from their mistresses that they're missing at home? Do a man's friends have anything to do with his willingness to cheat?

While there are books that have explored the feelings and experiences of wives whose husbands have been unfaithful, the question of why men cheat and whether it is because of sexual dissatisfaction, emotional dissatisfaction, or something else has remained largely unexamined. At last, The Truth About Cheating presents many fascinating and provocative answers. In this book, experienced family counselor Gary Neuman shares the revealing and surprising findings of a cutting-edge research study in which he interviewed and studied close to 100 men from 48 states who have physically cheated on their wives. In this book, Neuman shares many shocking discoveries, including the prominent role of emotional dissatisfaction in motivating husbands who stray and how small a role sexual dissatisfaction plays.

Drawing on dramatic case stories of the author's own work with clients, The Truth About Cheating includes proactive strategies and action steps for married women that will help them prevent infidelity, and create a faithful and rewarding marriage.


Amazon Exclusive: A Letter to Readers from the Author
M. Gary Neuman is a Florida psychotherapist, rabbi, creator of the internationally recognized Sandcastles Programs for children of divorce, and author of Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way, and Emotional Infidelity, How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and Other Secrets to a Great Marriage. His work has received national media coverage including multiple appearances on Oprah, the Today Show, the View, and NPR, as well as appearances on Dateline, NBC Nightly News, CBS Weekend News, and Good Morning America. He has been written about in numerous publications including People, Time, Cosmo, Parents, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Miami Herald and elsewhere. Gary lives with his wife and five children in Miami Beach, Florida.



Dear Reader,

I am very excited to share this book with you. The Truth about Cheating can be read by everyone, including people who may not be really concerned about their own personal situations but who want the knowledge and stories that the study provides. After more than 20 years as a marriage counselor, I've seen firsthand the overwhelming pain that cheating causes spouses and their families. When I searched for answers about why men cheat and found none, I decided that I would do a study to investigate the issue. For three years I worked on my research to find the truth about cheating and the results were astounding.

This book is about one thing and one thing only¡ªempowering women. Men and women always want to know what the other sex is thinking. After reading this book you'll know the answers and this knowledge will not just reduce the odds of your husband cheating but more importantly will help you create a marriage that is mutually beneficial. Your husband will start listening and giving to you more than ever once you have a better understanding of him and his emotional needs.

It's astounding how much women are made to feel that they must be everything to and do everything for their men or else they'll stray. False. Only 12% of the cheating men in my study said the other woman was better looking than their wives. And only 8% said that sexual dissatisfaction was the primary issue at home when he cheated. Throw out your assumptions and everything you've been told and search with me for the truth in this book. In The Truth about Cheating, we¡¯ll discuss the many things you can do to make your life and marriage better than ever.

You'll also hear the fascinating stories that women shared with me as part of my research and I hope the work they did to better their lives and marriages will inspire you as it did me. You will discover that although you are not to blame, and never responsible for your husbands' cheating, and not responsible for fixing the problem, there are clear, concise methods to create a connection in your marriage that will prevent tragedy from happening and will give you renewed confidence in your relationship.

I hope my research and work will begin a discussion of what all of us can do to have more meaningful marriages. Please let me know your thoughts and insights and also what you'd like to know from women who cheated¡ªthat's the next part of my research and this national conversation. Women today have choices and options and this book is meant to give more information and to respectfully begin the discussion about what people say about their cheating and what all of us can do to prevent it.

Thank you for honoring me with your interest in my work.


6 Warning Signs of Marital Infidelity

1. He spends more time away from home.
Most cheating men surveyed said that more time spent away from home was a sign that they were close to or already involved in infidelity. Although you can¡¯t keep tabs on your husband¡¯s whereabouts during the workday, it still seems that cheating men find extra time to slip away from home, not just during work hours.

2. You have sex infrequently.
Only 43 percent of men surveyed said that frequency of sex with their wives decreased once the infidelity began. Why such a small number? Because in many struggling marriages at high risk for infidelity, couples only have sex about once every couple of months.

3. He avoids contact with you.
The contact you have with your husband, even if it is about the ordinary business of life, helps you develop a general awareness of each other. His avoidance of your calls or desire not to spend time with you points to a desire to disconnect, whether or not he is conscious of it.

4. He criticizes you more.
Often, cheating men will criticize their wives seemingly out of the blue. If you notice your husband criticizing you for things he used to find amusing, keep your eyes open for other signs.

5. He starts more fights with you.
The criticism mentioned above often leads to more fights. If your marriage becomes increasingly contentious, you may be at risk for infidelity.

6. He mentions another woman, a female "friend," in casual conversation.
Most cheating occurs with friends, not one-night stands just for sex. When your husband begins to talk about a woman at the office he really admires, he may be telling you about his potential mistress straight to your face.


Customer Reviews:

  • Every woman should read this!
    This book was Great my marraige was a disaster I mean at the end of the road. My husband was talking to women and I was done I told him I wanted a divorce. That very day I read this book and omg the light at the end of the tunnel went on after reading this. I loved it so much I shared the info I learned with every woman I know. Then shared it with my husband. Now he is gonna begin reading it. When my daughter gets married I will have her read this first. Or at least parts of it. Even if your marriage is not in a crisis you could learn from this book. Good luck I hope it works for your marriage too....more info
  • This is an Intriguing Book
    This is an intriguing book with an interesting title that provides one perspective on the issue of cheating. If all men cheated for the same reasons, then a lot more women would have figured out how to deal with it by now. Since every man is different, it's possible that every man views marriage and the marriage vows a little differently, and thus may stray from his marriage for different reasons than every other man.

    I agree that a loving, nurturing wife is an asset in any marriage, but I also know from firsthand experience, that being an attentive, nurturing, loving wife focused on her husband's happiness, does not a faithful husband make.

    While I feel that this book makes some valid specific suggestions on how a wife can support her husband emotionally which is always good, I feel that being a supportive loving wife does not assure a faithful husband. In addition, I strongly disagree that a wife has the right to keep her husband from socializing on his own with male friends, one of the suggestions in the book. Unless your husband is 12, I think he has the right to socialize with whomever he chooses.

    People who genuinely love each other prefer each other's company, so genuinely nurturing that love and friendship seems like the best way to assure that the love will continue. And like another reviewer, I feel that 2 emotionally mature people who love each other have the best chance for enjoying a successful, happy marriage.

    I truly appreciated the author's male point of view and his suggestions, some of which I thought were great, but I question the basic premise of this book that there is a formula or a series of behavioral patterns a wife can adopt to keep her husband faithful. ...more info
  • Bi-Sexual cheating Husbands!
    My Ex-husband cheated because he turned out to be Bi-Sexual and I did not know this when we married. So this book could not of made a difference.

    ...more info
  • This book changed my marriage, for the better.
    I am a man, and I read this book simply because I figured I could benefit from it the same as women do. The wisdom is true, and very practical. Following the principles in this book has enriched my marriage in a way that few other books have. Gottman's books have also been very helpful for us. Probably because both authors rely on rigorous research, and not speculation....more info
  • excellent book
    Personally i think this book offers great advice for all married women whether or not they think their husbands will cheat on them. Neuman focuses on giving women suggestions on ways to prevent their husbands from being unfaithful. This book is well written and i believe that it can really be beneficial to strengthen ones marriage. ...more info
  • Thank you Gary for this sound advice!
    Saving marriages thus families & children is Gary Neuman's inspiration for writing this important book and I applaud him. His compassionate, non-judgmental, and solution-oriented approach is exactly what we need to keep our marriages solid!

    Thank you Gary!! ...more info
  • The Number One Reason Why Men Cheat
    Book Review: The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do To Prevent It

    From: www.BasilAndSpice.com

    Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship

    The Number One Reason Why Men Cheat


    What's the issue? Fidelity. Period.

    It's what almost every woman wants and is definitely a fundamental issue between a husband and a wife. Unfortunately, infidelity is a major problem in our society. Who's at fault? And can infidelity be prevented?

    Author M. Gary Neuman, a family counselor is the creator of 2 x 2 Intensive--an innovative approach to couples therapy. Conducting a study of 200 husbands, he interviewed 100 physical cheaters and 100 faithful non-cheaters. His findings found that the number one reason why men cheat is "emotional dissatisfaction" (48%)--participants cited lack of appreciativeness, feeling unwanted, or being stuck in a "no-win situation." Neuman also noted:M. Gary Neuman, M.S., LMHC

    * 8% of cheating husbands mentioned sexual dissatisfaction as a reason
    * 11% cited lack of communication
    * 10% said my wife and I no longer share the same values
    * 12% said my wife often loses her temper

    Infidelity clues include your husband spending more time away from home (55%), infrequent sex (34%), lack of personal contact (cell phone call) (29%), criticism from him rises (25%), increased fights initiated by him (20%). Another hint offered by Neuman, most cheating occurs with friends, not one-night stands.

    A book which will empower women, The Truth About Cheating offers advice from the author on cheating prevention. The book includes practical strategies for married women that will prevent infidelity and foster a faithful marriage.


    Related-- http://www.basilandspice.com/love-and-relationships/infidelity-warning-signs.html

    ...more info

 

 
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