How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less

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Yes, it really works: Nicholas Boothman's breakthrough program of "rapport by design" really does show you how to make people like you in 90 seconds or less. Now it's available in paperback, with a newly created workbook section based on the author's hundreds of workshops.

Whether selling, managing, applying to college, looking for a job¡ªor looking for a soulmate¡ªthe secret of success is connecting with other people. Nicholas Boothman shows exactly how to make the best out of any relationship's most critical moment¡ªthose first 90 seconds that make up a first impression. Armed with his program, readers learn how to establish immediate trust by synchronizing voice tone and body language; the power of a Really Useful Attitude; and how to get people talking and keep them talking. He discusses eye cues, the magic of opposites attracting, and sensory preferences¡ªsome of us are Visual people, others are Kinesthetic (responding most to the sense of touch), and a few are Auditory. So when you say "I see what you mean" to a Visual, you¡¯re really speaking his or her language.

The average person's attention span lasts about 30 seconds. That means first and immediate impressions count, and big. In this modern-day update of Dale Carnegie's classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, former fashion photographer Nicholas Boothman instructs you in how to mold those 30 seconds to your greatest advantage and connect with others at business and social functions.

Boothman, now a lecturer and licensed master practitioner of neurolinguistic programming (the art and science of how the brain affects human connections), says that the key to making others like you quickly lies in establishing a rapport: you have to find out what you have in common or, if you seemingly have nothing in common, purposely try to become like the other person for a short time. He then goes on to offer simple techniques for getting a rapport going: adopt a positive attitude; make sure your words, tone, and gestures are all saying the same thing; synchronize your attitude and body movements to those of another person's (which makes the person feel comfortable with you--although he or she may not know why); and ask lots of open-ended questions. Boothman also describes how to figure out a stranger's favored sense for receiving information about the world--some rely on visual cues, others on auditory or kinesthetic (touch) input--and use it to your best advantage.

If discovering how to connect with others is the secret to business and life success, as Boothman contends, then employing the strategies in this book will make you instantly likeable and give you a leg up on the competition. --Nancy Monson

Customer Reviews:

  • A Few Good Lessons but Not Very Practical
    The author over-simplifies the solution to making people like us to a few techniques based Neuro Linguistic Research theory. The reader is expected to evaluate a stranger based on that persons preferred type of sensory input and to react appropriately to it. This technique would seem of limited value given the many changing moods, predjudices, likes, dislikes and bias's that will confound any valid determination of "sensory type" (and what if your determination is wrong or you have to talk to more then one person at a time or you're just boring?). Little time is devoted to any new conversational techniques, over-coming personal shyness, speaking with more then 1 person at a time, physical appearance, or the tremendous value of being a well rounded, knowledgeable person - a person who actually has something worth listening to....more info
  • Save your money
    This book is an expensive waste of money. Carefully read all the reviews below and you'll have gotten the gist of the book's contents... about 5 pages of useful info padded out to 172 pages.

    Even better, buy and absorb Ian Rowland's Full Facts Book of Cold Reading at ianrowland dot com which will tell you everything in this book and more in straight English without all the pseudoscience and NLP hocus pocus.

    Regardless, if you are a poor listener, you aren't looking for a book to improve yourself. And if you think you need a book about being a good listener, you probably already are a pretty good one. ...more info
  • Easy read...
    This was an easy read. I've read alot of these books this month and they all seem to have the same message. ...more info
  • Teen Shyness Overcome
    My 16 year old son has always been shy. I gave my son this book to read over the summer to see if it could help him overcome some of his shyness before entering his junior year in high school. Overnight, this book changed his life. Everytime he practiced a new skill his self confidence grew. Everyone is commenting on the change in him. I have purchased extra copies of this book to give to other kids who are ready to gain confidence in themselves; to feel comfortable enough with themselves to meet new people and feel comfortable with old friends. Over the years I have tried teaching my son some of the skills in this book, but until my son read the book himself he just didn't get it. Now he does. He is the happy kid I have always known him to be. He is constantly smiling now and rushes to meet life head on. I highly recommend this book to teens and adults looking for a simple answer on how to meet people and make them like you in 90 seconds or less....more info
  • Well structured and up to the point
    This book help me to change some patterns in talking to people and reading the people. It is well written, no 'water' and up to the point with good examples. ...more info
  • Better Communications by Creating Rapid Connections!
    This book is one of the simpler and easier to understand of the many books that introduce Neuro-Linguistic Programming techniques. It is also a little more original in that it does not simply repeat the ideas of Drs. Richard Bandler and John Grinder word-for-word as so many of these books do. The author has studied under Dr. Bandler (as have I) and is a Licensed NLP Master Practitioner.

    If you already know NLP, you can skip this book.

    If you do not yet know NLP, this is a good introduction for those who have trouble making in-person connections.

    NLP is based on observations of how people open themselves up to receive communications from others. Basically, we each have thinking habits that mean we consider subjects in different ways and sequences. When we come upon a way or sequence that is different from ours, we close up and pull back. When we come on one just like ours, we feel relaxed and open, and the message sinks in both consciously and unconsciously. Students of perception estimate that the words you use are less than 25 percent of the communications that are received from you. Your body motions are the primary means of communicating. Your intonation is also important (take time to sound pleasant).

    The author focuses on the fact that impressions are formed in the first 10 seconds or so when we meet someone. He encourages us to open ourselves up physically (hands open, coat unbuttoned if you have one on, relaxed), look the other person in the eye, beam (like you are shaking hands), say Hi! with a positive attitude, and lean towards the person. These are universally interpreted as being genuine indications of interest that are perceived by the other person's subconscious mind, and the other person will almost always respond in kind.

    There are three primary modes that people use to process thoughts (visual, auditory, and kinesthetic -- both emotions and physical feelings), and remembered and imagined versions of each one. The book contains clues (such as eye movement and choices of verbs) to understand the person's preferences. You are encouraged then to be sure to include those modes. This advice was the weakest point of the book. Dr. Bandler has shown since developing NLP that equally emphasizing all of the modes works even better, so the author would appear not to have worked with Dr. Bandler in some time.

    Finally, you are encouraged to mirror and match the behavior of the other person (from breathing to posture to gestures).

    The key points of the book, then, can be summarized as a positive attitude toward the other person, synchronicity in actions and locating commonalities, using the correct conversational modes, and emphasizing the sensory preferences of the other person.

    The other major weakness of this book is that it does not do enough to help the shy person to get themselves into the mood to do all of these things. Tony Robbins (another former student of Richard Bandler's) has a good technique you can use, which is to remember the most fabulous first meeting you ever had with another person before you step forward to meet the new person. Your mind and body will still be jazzed by the favorable memory, and the viewer will perceive that high level of excitement.

    I would like to give the author great credit for his photo. His years of expreience in fashion and advertising photography show off to advantage. He mimics listening to someone with great interest. Look at the photo to get a sense of how someone's posture and expression can affect you.

    After you have absorbed these lessons, consider how much your attitude determines the reactions you get from other people. If you are afraid to meet them, that will show. If you are delighted to be with them, that will also show. If your message is important to you, you should take a little time to dress up your attitude and responsiveness if you want to really be dressed for success. Ask yourself if you would really want to listen to you when you do not take the time to be an interested communicator. If not, now may be a good time for a change. You, too, can be irresistible -- when you want to be. Also, be aware that the person who seems so interested in your may simply be a devoted student of NLP. Keep probing for trustworthiness!

    ...more info

  • Helpful lesson in making connections
    When you meet someone, look 'em in the eye and give 'em a firm handshake because everyone knows that making a good first impression is important. Former fashion photographer Nicholas Boothman explains why - and a whole lot more - in this fascinating look at how people make connections. Like most people, you probably establish immediate rapport with certain individuals and don't seem to have anything in common with others. If you've wondered why, the author explains the components of communication and offers specific techniques you can employ to create connections quickly. The fun part is that after you've finished the book, you can try your newly acquired skills on just about anyone in any situation. Though some people are naturals, for most becoming a skilled conversationalist takes a lot of practice. getAbstract believes that almost everyone will find useful information and practical advice in Boothman's book. At the very least, he gives you plenty to discuss....more info
  • Slow start, but many good tips
    As with many books this one spent too long at the beginning trying to build the case that you want people to like you. Obviously the reader agrees or they would not be waisting their time. Once he got into the substance though the book had some amazing points and many good tips. I will likely re-read to pick up a few more that I may have missed. If you are a social person, but want to take it to the next level this book provides great insight to do that. ...more info
  • Interesting read
    This was a very interesting book. I actually listened to the audio CD and found his voice to be pleasant to listen to. This book would be a great tool for people in sales and marketing, or persons in a business where people skill really count. Most of the techniques are similar to the ones given in "How to make friends and influence people." But one thing I really noticed that was different in this book was the addition of what sense are people driven by.

    Boothman states that people can be driven by one of 3 sensory mechanisms:
    1) Sight
    2) Sound
    3) Kinesthetics (feelings)

    He gives you tools for figuring out which of these is the driving factor in a persons life. For example, if you understand someone, how would you respond:
    1) I see what you are saying.
    2) I hear you.
    3) I understand how that makes you feel.

    I took the test he gave and was shocked to find that I am auditory, but then I started listening to how I respond to people and noticed my responses do tend to be auditory in nature.
    If you have read "The Five Love Languages" this portion of the book may be familiar to you, as Boothman discusses how we can change our responses to fit the other persons sensory language, thus making them feel more in tune with us.

    It is definitely worth a read!...more info
  • Should be titled"How to Act like a Used Car Salesman in 90 seconds"
    If you follow this book, people mey be happy with the person they meet-but it won't be you....more info
  • It's All About Rapport
    If you're thinking of picking up this book (and I recommend it), let me first say that the audio version is a better choice - that's if you like audio books. The author reads in an engaging conversational style - the sharing of information rather than the reading of a text book. And, let's also mention his charming English accent.

    We only get one chance to make a first impression. The author tells us we have only 90 seconds to make an impressive first impression - to be remembered. Why would that matter? Because the type and quality of the connection we have with others, affects our health, happiness, financial worth, and success. Whether that's through close interpersonal relationships with family and partners, business relationships or casual acquaintances and encounters. How we connect, or don't, with others affects every area of our lives.

    In this book, Nicholas Boothman gently walks us through tips, tools, and the how-to's of developing rapport. He effectively teaches:

    - How people to respond to each other and why
    - How to effectively use this knowledge to make a favorable first impression
    - How to be memorable
    - How your attitude is the most important thing in any communication
    - Defining and understanding body language so you don't send mixed messages
    - Engaging the power of your imagination
    - How to accept compliments graciously and with confidence
    - Recognizing your communication style and those of others, easily and quickly
    - How to listen actively

    The book is appealing in the way it paints a picture (visual) of what a relaxed (kinesthetic) conversation sounds (auditory) like - whether with strangers or those you know. To sum this up, if you want to be comfortable meeting new people, build your conversation skills, or be a better listener, you'll want to read this book...or listen. This is by far, the most comprehensive and attention-grabbing book I've read on the subject. I'll be listening to this book often!

    ...more info
  • very useful book
    I have recently read "How to win friends and influence people" and I feel like it goes very well with this book. This short book only expands on the ideas in how to win friends book. This book mostly identifies the few "tricks" that work and make people just like you without knowing why. Lots of body language, as well as conversation skill is used. This book can only help your quality of life....more info
  • Reviews by Nan Kilar and Bobby Miller
    Okay, so everyone is writing how-to books. Why? They sell. Why? Because we know we could be better than we are and most of us want that to happen. Boothman's book is a plus in any library. He tells what to do and what not to do when meeting friend or foe. With the usual hello or go to hell out of the way, he makes good suggestions about how to build natural rapport. My favorite part of the book is how to get along with a bully. The bottom line is that with just a little practice you can have complete strangers saying, "There's something about this person I really like." Success! Since I'm considered one of America's most controversial authors, that's a very difficult thing for me to accomplish even on my good days. So if this book helped me make a few friends, just think what it can do for you....more info
  • ?
    this book will only make people like you because you are pretending to be like them in all ways, this is not impressive i thought everyone knew that, dont make friends with people who are unlike you using this method or once you let ur true colors out they will realize u were just saying what they wanted to hear
    im really surprised u needed a book to tell you that "you are who you surround yourself with"...more info
  • A greater starter on NLP to converse with people
    Boothman was a fashion photographer so he was required to quickly make a good impression with models. The techniques he discovered to quickly connect with people are based on his studies with Richard Bandler and John Grinder, co-founders of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP).

    He shares techniques to look good, improve your body language, become similar to people, and connect with their representational system (an NLP term used to describe if a person is visual, auditory, or kinesthetic). The workbook at the end provides 21 good exercises to put the skills into practice.

    The most notable aspect about the book is it's a short read in simple terms. This is probably also its downfall because Boothman simplifies techniques or advice. Little time is spent on how to overcome shyness and being an all round interesting person.

    Overall, it's a good primer for anyone who struggles to make a good impression on people. Your sure to pick out a few gems that will help no matter your situation.

    Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"...more info
  • ?
    this book will only make people like you because you are pretending to be like them in all ways, this is not impressive i thought everyone knew that, dont make friends with people who are unlike you using this method or once you let ur true colors out they will realize u were just saying what they wanted to hear
    im really surprised u needed a book to tell you that "you are who you surround yourself with"...more info
  • This is NOT Based on Science
    I thought this book was based on scientific research, but it is part of a body of knowledge termed Neurolinguistic Programming. It comes from New Age beliefs and has been hailed by some as "junk" science. Many people have marketed these teachings, such as this book, to come up with a pop-psychology that sells.

    The upside of this book is that it is very entertaining. It is very upbeat and fun, and it sure seems like the magic bullet to cure all of your social awkwardness! But beware, you might just end up looking like a goober. One recent character on the Office used the a technique in the book called "mirroring" to make people like him better. It made for good prime-time comedy.

    If you want to be a better friend, then read the book of Proverbs in the Bible. There you will find a more lasting and proven way of building your character.

    You can read more about Neuro Linguistic Programming at Wikipedia....more info
  • A really useful book
    Whether you're a teenage guy having trouble talking to girls; the CEO of a major corporation unhappy with your employees' productivity; or a mother who wishes her kids would clean their rooms without being nagged, you need this book!

    It presents a look at developing "rapport" during the first few seconds of meeting someone - a practice that can make the difference in a relationship or a business deal.

    The book also presents practical advice on enhancing existing relationships by understanding other people's methods of interpreting sensory input.

    Unlike many books by motivational speakers who spout motherhood statements and generalizations, author Nicholas Boothman uses plain language and effective metaphors that provide the reader with concrete communication "tools." A fascinating "read," this book is a guide to be used along your day-to-day life path.

    Boothman's writing style is remarkably clear and concise. How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less is an oasis of simplicity for everyone coping in today's complex world....more info

  • Very helpful
    I bought myself a copy of this book a few years ago, and then quickly read it from cover to cover. It is one of the most helpful books I have ever read.

    I have Asperger's, so I really needed to read a book like this much earlier in life. If I had, I would have gotten an idea of what is appropriate to do and say in what situation much earlier in life! Although this book is not geared specifically to those with Asperger's or those who are anywhere on the autism spectrum, it is as useful for them as it is for anybody else....more info
  • Outstanding Read!
    If you want a book to deliver on what it's title says, BUY THIS BOOK. Learn how to communicate effectively without being overly concerned about words. I have investigated many Neuro-Linguistic Programming systems now, and Mr. Boothman stands out head and shoulders above the rest. His ethics base is strong; there is an absence of selfish manipulation taught throughout his system....more info
  • Immediately useful
    The techniques detailed in this book can be found in others...but the difference here is the ease in which they may be assimilated and fruitfully used. Nicholas Boothman updates the quest for winning friends by utilizing fun exercises, popular culture references, and delightful analogies. His own seminar-circuit success gives validity to the positive impact of the approaches, and makes the reader believe that he, too, is just a properly-nuanced "Hi!" and handshake away from a similar result. A friendly, Sunday afternoon read....more info
  • Basic to Life Itself...
    This concise, easy-to-read book is all about establishing rapport with people. The author delves into what happens during the initial moments of personal contact when we tend to form "first impressions." Boothman takes a separate look at each of the senses during the meeting process, with a particular focus on verbal and body language. The reader learns to orchestrate an interaction to achieve a specific goal, which is often to be liked and accepted by the other person.

    Fiction writers, in particular, will appreciate the chapter that includes a discussion on the three major senses people use to take in information - sight, sound and touch. Surprisingly, we speak using a verbal dialogue that feeds the sense we rely on the most. By incorporating characters' verbal styles and sensory-related actions with their body language, writers can create even more vivid fiction.

    The book is written in a straightforward manner, and is peppered with anecdotes and metaphors. This self-help book will empower people invigorate their social and professional lives....more info

  • A true "How to" very practically writen!
    Another fantastic book for weomen which I highly recommend is - How to be a Super Hot Woman: 339 Tips to Make Every Man Fall in Love with You and Every Woman Envy You

    Awsome books!...more info
  • How To Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less
    How To Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less is an excellent guide to establishing fast rapport with people. In a common sense, but not always obvious approach, the author spells out in simple terms the body language and meeting acknowledgment that will engage new acquaintances. This is a fast read. It gives the reader the potential to leverage a first impression with positive power.
    The author was recently interviewed on television. Expect a big demand for this book, of great help to salespeople, job interviewees, and anyone who needs to make a good impression, fast....more info
  • great book - good for men looking to connect with women
    I really enjoyed this book. It was a quick read and it is laid out very well. Didn't know a lot about "rapport" building before reading it and I thought it was a good primer.

    The book seems to be mostly for people who are looking to connect on a business level, but I got some great stuff on connecting with women on a personal level, which has helped me.

    The big thing that I got from this book is how to make the most of all the senses - sight, touch, smell, hearing, etc. There is a lot more to building rapport than I realized. To use a dating analogy, it's more than just "pickup line." It's everything about you that makes you connect with people.

    This book and Sex Signals - Body Language Secrets - How to Seduce a Woman Without Words have been extremely helpful to me as far as connecting with women goes. Not sure that I have it down to "90 seconds" but it's pretty close. I'm definitely able to build connections more quickly and easily than ever before. ...more info
  • Some good advice mixed with New Age mumbo-jumbo
    This book has some good advice, such as telling you to smile and ask open-ended questions, but for the most part it is a waste of time. Much of it is silly ideas based on pseudoscience....more info
  • helpful
    I found this book really interesting and helpful in approaching people in particular to meeting new people and building a rapport. In some areas such as body language and congruency in delivering communication it overlapped with my training in social work, I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is struggling to meet people in everyday situations. If you have a background in social work or counselling chances are these are skills you already possess, great to recommend to clients though....more info


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