Nonviolent Communication

 
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Product Description

Do you hunger for skills to improve the quality of your relationships, to deepen your sense of personal empowerment or to simply communicate more effectively? Unfortunately, for centuries our culture has taught us to think and speak in ways that can actually perpetuate conflict, internal pain and even violence. Nonviolent Communication partners practical skills with a powerful consciousness and vocabulary to help you get what you want peacefully.In this internationally acclaimed text, Marshall Rosenberg offers insightful stories, anecdotes, practical exercises and role-plays that will dramatically change your approach to communication for the better. Discover how the language you use can strengthen your relationships, build trust, prevent conflicts and heal pain. Revolutionary, yet simple, NVC offers you the most effective tools to reduce violence and create peace in your lifeone interaction at a time.Over 150,000 copies sold and now available in 20 languages around the world. More than 250,000 people each year from all walks of life are learning these life-changing skills.Paperback, 240 pages. Published 2003

Customer Reviews:

  • Hearing past the words
    Marshall Rosenberg has given me one of the greatest gifts I have ever received: the ability to hear past the spoken word to find the root - the underlying needs and feelings.
    I used to run away from criticism and confrontation because I was only able to hear the judgements that were spoken. Marshall taught me to hear the unmet needs and feelings behind those judgements. And I now understand that all such judgements are tragic expressions of our unmet needs.
    Now I can hear criticism for what it is - an opportunity to make life more wonderful for the other person.

    Learning NVC and, more importantly, learning to see the world in terms of needs and feelings has transformed my relationships with strangers and loved ones alike. In fact, NVC shows how such a distinction is much less concrete than we think it is!

    I am grateful to Marshall for his incredible and life changing work.
    ...more info
  • Go ahead and buy it now...
    Nonviolent communication is a very effective tool for anyone looking to create a bridge of understanding and establishing healthy boundaries through thoughts and words. It moves away from the aggressive, competitive and confrontational models that so many people learn from parents, in dysfunctional relationships and at work. My cousin took "Assertiveness Training" back in the 70s. She said that NVC though took that to the next level by introducing compassion, understanding and nonjudgment though observations, feelings, needs and requests.

    I've recommended this series to many people [including my cousin] and especially those who have problems with coworkers and bosses. I thought it amusing that even one of Dr Rosenberg's participants conceded that working with parents can be the biggest NVC challenge of all. Nonviolent communication may not be the solution, but it does help.

    One particular story Dr Rosenberg imparts among many is about how his grandmother -- a Jewish immigrant for whom English was a second language -- invited a homeless man into the house for a bit of food and rest. When she asked the man his name, he said, "Jesus the Lord." Without a hint of irony or judgment, the grandmother introduced the man to the rest of the family as Jesus. She fed him and gave him a place to stay without a second thought for his gruff appearance or his unusual name. In her own way, by living NVC everyday, she provided the framework for Dr Rosenberg's works.

    A few items to nitpick -- and by no means a slight or a reason not to buy the audiobook. In fact, go ahead and buy it now.

    Sometimes using NVC language can seem a bit stilted and unnatural. For example Dr Rosenberg often says the phrase, "This meets my need to..." It works in writing and even when Dr Rosenberg says it. But personally, it sounds stilted and just doesn't quite roll off the tongue for many of us. Instead, I personally say, "This works for me. Does this solution work for you?"

    Another nitpick: I paraphrase a bit but Dr Rosenberg gives one particular sentence as an example of violent communication: "Minorities don't take care of their property." Then he offers a nonviolent-communication example: "I've never seen the minority family down the street take out the trash." I wondered if bringing up that the family a "minority" is truly germaine. Is bringing up a source of division and stereotype such a race or nationality truly nonviolent or would it be more kind to refer to the family as "the Smith Family" or even as "the family two doors down"?

    Last small nitpick [and a bit of a spoiler]: Dr Rosenberg tells a compelling story of a patient who was uncommunicative and unresponsive due to severe psychological trauma. Dr Rosenberg describes how the woman finally broke through by writing a note to him in perfect NVC language. "Help me to express what is going on within me..." Not only did she become NVC fluent after 4 or 5 treatments, but she had the fine motor skills to write this out. So why then did she seem unable to pass him the note until he had to pry her fingers open? There must be more to the story than what we're being told, but it is a bit of a small plot loophole in the overall scheme of what is a great tool for communication and for expressing compassion while at the same time holding one's own integrity.

    This audiobook introduced me to the grander realm of NVC and I've since attended some workshops where "jackal" and" giraffe" are introduced. Like me, you may find that you already use many of these techniques, but NVC just ads a few more tools to the toolbox. ...more info
  • Wonderful, life-changing lessons!
    Life-changing. NVC is a wonderful approach! Highly, HIGHLY recommended!

    I grew up in an environment of critical, angry, blaming and disrespectful communication. So, that's what I knew how to do when my needs were not being met: blame others for not acting the 'right' way and 'making' me unhappy. Doesn't give much leverage for changing the situation, does it? I don't like treating people that way, they don't like it either, and those behaviors don't work very well for meeting my needs! I felt helpless, frustrated, guilty and angry, and learned to mostly withdraw and suffer in silence. Very unpleasant.

    Marshall's NVC approach shows me how to take responsibility for my emotions and reactions. When I'm unhappy, NVC tells me that my needs are not being met. NVC shows how to consciously figure out what I need, to distinguish which needs are my responsibility vs. needs that are reasonable to ask other people to help with, and how to connect with people in a respectful, loving and gentle way to get my and their needs met in a way that everyone is happy with.

    NVC also helps me handle people feeling angry at me: I work with them to understand and communicate their needs in a gentle, respectful way. Then I'm generally glad to help. Very win-win.

    I LOVE this approach! THANK you, Marshall!

    Also highly recommended: Pema Chodron's "Don't Bite the Hook".
    ...more info
  • Communicating Values
    This audiobook is a really neat exploration of how to communicate honestly to positive ends.

    The cds are dotted with Rosenberg relating conversations that employ each technique he discusses. While actual tapes of the conversations would have been more illustrative, they are still believable.

    The message is really about how to enact harmonization instead of blunt decisions in disagreements, as well as exploring your own values and how to communicate those values to others....more info

 

 
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