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In order to call themselves good Christians, many people have drawn overly flexible boundaries (unwilling to say no, always accommodating others' needs) or overly rigid boundaries (to the point of being righteous and judgmental). Psychologists and inspirational speakers Cloud and Townsend show readers how to set reasonable boundaries in order to follow the true path of Christianity. This book has become immensely popular, most likely because it makes personal boundaries easier to define and is filled with spiritual purpose. Some cautions: the format can be overly self-helpish for such a complex discussion and the authors at one point imply that judicious spankings may be an acceptable form of setting boundaries with children. However, many Christians will probably find themselves grateful for this biblical context of boundaries. --Gail Hudson
Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances -- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions -- Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others -- Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator -- Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: - Can I set limits and still be a loving person? - What are legitimate boundaries? - What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? - How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? - Aren't boundaries selfish? - Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.
great book to help you focus on the importance of self. making time/priority of self...more info
- this book saved my life, literally
When I read it, I was just a few steps away from an emotional breakdown. My boundaries were so pour, so porous, that I was completely bankrupt of emotional resources, down to 100 pounds (from a healthy weight of 125), couldn't sleep, couldn't eat & was struggling with active suicidal ideation. The book helped me see where I was off - and gave me a road map how to regain myself. It was neither easy nor quick. It took about two years and a support group of caring connections - friends and family who were able to reach out, encourage & stabalize me as I learned this new way of doing life. But in the process, I saved my marriage, was there for my kids & even helped them to learn healthy boundaries so hopefully they will be able to avoid the same mistakes I made....more info
Great explaination of the constant struggle to maintain a healty border in your life. Let the good in and the bad out. Detailed explaination and easy read. Like any other book, not a instant life "fixer" but does have application to a better you....more info
I'm living in a situation that is not what I'd ever expected in my life. We decided 4 years ago to move into my husband's parents' house. We have two children. We have the first two floors, his parents have the top two floors. From DAY ONE they always wanted to "help" by TAKING the kids....something I never wanted but didn't have the guts, self-esteem, whatever, to say NO and create the necessary boundaries that would enable me to live in this situation. So for 4 VERY LONG TEDIOUS years, I suffered, playing the role of "victim". Until I found this book. It came two weeks ago. 5 days ago I was able to clearly, logically, simply express my boundaries without attacking (something I had fantasized about IMMENSELY) or making anyone feel bad. This is a very powerful book, powerful information, empowering to the soul. I truly love this book and already let it enable me to also heal another area that had major boundary issues. It is so good. My only advice is to read it SLOWLY and digest it; let it creep into your subconscious and inspire ideas. When the ideas come up, if they feel right, act on them immediately. You will NOT be disappointed.
Good luck to anyone with boundary issues. This book is truly spectacular....more info
- Christians are not supposed to be Doormats
Being a good Christian doesn't mean putting up with everything that happens in life. We are not doormats and this book helped me see that. It is okay to preserve yourself and keep a sound mind - away from others that take advantage of you. If you are upset by how others treat you or how much you end up "doing" for others and the church, then you are doing so out of our human need to fulfill what being "Christian" is...we need to bear good fruit, and that means setting limits. ...more info
- Very Helpful Book
This books has loads of great insight for improving your personal boundaries. If you feel like you can never say no to others, this is the book for you. It is good for Christians and non-Christians because the insight works no matter what. I am still working on the ideas in this book, but will definately take another read of it in the near future....more info
- Misleading description not happy
I am shocked and annoyed to hear that this book is more about the bs of god and the bible than the real life problem of boundaries.
I am so over the religious rubbish, it has nothing to do with the real world. i am a realist and believe that religion does more harm than good.
i want my money back, this book should be clearly marked as christian and not self help!!!...more info
- a mist read if you have kids
everyone who has children and looking for instruction needs to read this one. i am reading it again...more info
- book is perfect for anyone with boundry issues and even not
for those like me who think God left it up to me to do his work and for others who just don't know how to keep someone out of their space, this book is perfect. it was a life changer for me. now i just remind myself "boundries" and know that God didn't leave me in charge down here, that he is in charge and working on al situations. it let me know that i am interfering with his work. i can now sleep at night knowing that he is in charge and that it's not up to me to fix up everyones lives...more info
- guide to life
If you feel as though you've always been living your life for others, where your thoughts, words and deeds are expressed through either guilt or compliance and you want to do something about it, I suggest you read Boundaries. After reading the book, I still refer to it from time to time to hash out something that I may recall from the past, a present situation that's troubling me or even for an insight into something that I may encounter later on. The gist of Boundaries is that you can't have a healthy relationship with others (friends, family or spouse) unless you first learn to love, i.e. take care of yourself. Loving yourself includes knowing what your limits are when it comes to giving your time, money and other resources. Loving yourself is not selfish; it is the most mature and responsible thing that you can do. Done properly, it will command respect from others thus attracting like-minded people or it will deter the unhealthy ones who drain your energy. Either way, it brings good results. Well written (in simple language without the clinical jargon) and with many references from Scriptures, Boundaries teaches how we can live out the golden rule....more info
- Great info
What can I say? this book is great. Great information on what boundries are, how they are created, how they can weakened and what to do to be the person you were created to be....more info
- Must Read- Boundries
This is a wonderful book. I am doing the study along with the workbook. Wow! Have I learned a lot about what my Boundries are.
I would recommend this book!...more info
- Not what I expected
I was expecting the full edition of this book. I received instead the mini-pocket edition. Useless and annoying. Sorry if this is not helpful, but when you're ordering, make sure you're getting the FULL copy instead of the mini edition....more info
- Boundary Bible
Everyone should own this book. It is the Boundary Bible. It is a must read for every human being....more info
- Excellent Book
This book has helped me more in life than any other book that I have ever read. I will keep it forever and go back to it when I need to....more info
- A must read for anyone with relationship challenges
This book should be a part of Christian discipleship and ministry training.....many "victims" need to learn a lot of the truths presented here to become free from cycles of pain and abuse and find the strength they may be looking for.
Think of this as....Fundamentals of Emotional Gardening.........more info
- Tremendous Christian psychology based help
Even though I'm a school counselor, this book has added greatly to my knowledge base. I've loaned it out so many times to students and faculty that I finally had buy another copy for myself. Now I'm buying more copies for Christmas and birthday gifts as so many people lack skills for when to say yes and when to say no. ...more info
- Boundries:When to say Yes, How to Say No to take Control or Your Life
This is a good book for anyone who is having a problem with saying No. Life is full of people asking us to do something for them or someone else. These people can be from work, friends and from family menbers. Most of us get caught saying yes when we would rather say No. This book gives us excellent ways to learn to say no in the right way, taking control of our lives....more info
- God's truth is always good
We all need to learn healthy bouderies to let good people in & keep unhealthy people out. Good "how to" book....more info
- Boundaries : When to say Yes, When to say No, Take Control of Your Life
It was most disappointing when I realized that the 7 books I'd ordered as gifts were minature copies. I had overlooked the tiny word minature mixed in with the publisher list. Since there is a newer edition of this book available, I assumed that the "real" book was on clearance and hence a lower cost. I felt that it was deceptive advertising and not made clear. I still have these 7 ridiculous-sized books on my shelf....more info
- Excellent book.
Well where do I start? About 6 months into my marraige my wife stated to me "I never want to live more than 20 or 30 minutes from my parents". I knew at that point we needed to seek counseling. We went to counseling and the doctor reccomended this book since he stated that it sounds like we were having boundary issues. I read the book and it is excellent. Just like the book states it teaches you how to live YOUR life as opposed to being pressured from outside forces such as work, friends, and OVERBEARING INLAWS. To make a long story short my wife read the first two chapters, raved about how good it was, set the book down and never picked it up again. I read the whole thing. Unfortunatly our marraige did not survive. After reading the book I realized my ex-wifes family is what psychologists call an enmeshed family. Basically I had no shot. The book also helped me to realize my shortcomings. I wish my wife at the time would have read this book because I really feel we would have worked with the issue of her parents being so needy and controlling. But as they say you can only lead a horse to water. Anyways the book is excellent and I highly suggest this for any problems you might be having with work, kids, spouse, etc.....more info
- An excellent book
As others who wrote a review, I found this book to be a lifesaver. I am involved in a relationship that authors Townsend and Cloud described as, "Compliant/Manipulative Controller. If this was in a dictionary they would have a picture of me and this other person I finally realized what I was really doing was hindering this person from learning why this person's life is always in chaos as well as my own....more info
- if you get past the beginning its really helpful!!
the beginning was kinda slow, but once you get passsed it, it had really helpful and pertinent information in a much easier format....more info
- Boundaries is a great book
Although I haven't finished reading it yet, Boundaries is a great book and I give it 5 stars!!!...more info
- excellent book
incrdible insight, using scripture to help us understand ourselves as well as others. A great book that helps a person put limits on their actions and feelings...e.g. setting boundaries. Setting boundaries for themsleves as well as others.
- Buy the full size not the miniature
The full size version is really great. I've read it more than once and am helping teach a class/discussion group using the full size Book . The miniature is a waste of time and money.
Never received this book even after an email was sent to the seller. No response, bad business!!...more info
- A little more help, a little less church
This book was recommended by a friend. It does have a lot of good information in it, but I found it hard to get past the preaching. If you are not a "churchy" person, it can really put you off.
I'd love to see a version of this book that concentrated on the psychology and correcting the problem, and not on religion....more info
You can't get much better than Cloud and Townsend for giving practical advise that works. A book for everyone to read....more info
- I didn't think I had "boundary" issues...
I didn't think I had "boundary" issues when my coach recommended that I read this book. I am not a push-over person, but a very goal oriented, driven individual. In fact, when I read the first chapter of "Boundaries", I thought the person described was definitely not like me! It took the help of an excellent coach, using this book, to help me uncover the truth about myself.
Since I was so "strong" I tried to carry others burdens that were not meant for me to carry. I hated asking for help.
With the help of "Boundaries" I learned to set aside time for myself, to be emotionally honest with myself and others. I realized that like Sherri (in chapter 1), my validation of others feelings and my appeasement to prevent confrontation was causing me to deny myself and thus live a lie. I am learning to better guard my heart and carry my own load with the help found in this book.
I highly recommend it....more info
- Where could I find full video for this course?
This video is a little bit short than I want.
Since I learn it by myself, do you have the full length time for this course?...more info
A must read for every one. These are things that just arent taught in the real world....more info
- We All Must Set Boundaries
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend is a book that will help you set boundaries in your life so people won't walk all over you. Some people will keep the peace no matter what the cost to them. This book will help you set reasonable boundaries that will make your life happier.
After you read this book it may be a good time to consider reading my book entitled "The Enlightenment, What God Told Me After One Million Prayers, a Message for Everyone" (See Profile Above)
- A Must Read for Everyone!
I wish I would have had this earlier in my life, but it's never too late to take control. One of the most helpful books I've ever read. A must read for everyone.
Donna Dee Weems
Reedley, CA...more info
- good service
I recieved the book on time and as described.
I wish they were clear that other mateials are needed with the book....more info
- Fundamental Life Skills!
I read this book a year ago, loved it, devoured it. I thought I absorbed it at the time, but now a year later, I find even more concepts from the book sinking in. The concepts in this book have saved my life. They are also now helping me raise my child and enrich my marriage, as I am currently reading the other books in the series, "Boundaries in Marriage" and "Boundaries With Kids". I recommend this series to all human beings, regardless of religious belief. The tools found in these books can truly help you achieve a peaceful, fulfilled life! ...more info
- This Book--> The Pencil That Will Help You Draw the Lines
Wow, why didn't I ever know about this book? You don't hear much about it- I stumbled upon it browsing around Amazon one day. For people wondering if they should buy this book, get it if:
-you're not turned off by a Christian writing approach
-you feel like there's a problem because you're trying to be a good person all the time by always saying "yes"
In a nutshell, this book is for people who don't know how to set boundaries for themselves. In other words, they're always saying "yes" to things and taking responsibility for things- even when it's not their job.
And boundary lines of your responsibilities need to be present in more areas of your life than you might realize, such as...
The book covers boundary conflicts in each of these areas leaving no stone unturned. Therefore, its no big deal if you have only one or two problem areas- just go to those sections.
This book will help you realize what a boundary is, why it's okay to have them and just how to develop them. So if anything in this review sounds like if might apply to you- don't hesitate to check out the book. Other neat self-help books I liked include "Finding Happiness in a Frustrating World".
- This book is really eye opening
I think this book is really outstanding and life changing. I didn't realize I had weak boundaries until I read it. Now I can see clearly all the ways this problem has affected my life and my happiness over the years. It has truly opened my eyes and now that I know what my main problem is, I can address it. I highly recommend this book and I am buying a copy for a few people I know.
- This is a miniature (2x2) book don't fall for it!
This was a rip-off, and a real disappointment. It was misleading and deceptive because when it arrived it was a miniature size (2"x2" app) with only a fraction of the content of the actual full-sized book by exact same title which I was expecting but wasn't worth paying to ship/return. There isn't an option to rate this with 0 stars but there ought to be, as well as some 'boundaries' against this sort of fraudulent advertising practices, don't fall for it! ...more info
- Self-help that helps
I'm still working my way through this book, but I am finding it very helpful in helping me to improve my life....more info
- Boundaries:Taking control of your life God's way
This book helps you understand what makes people act the way they do based upon their hang-ups and experiences in life-these are actually spiritual strongholds in them. The authors help you learn how to confront these areas,and know your own sins and areas of weakness-saying no to them. The book in no way can take the place of the Bible and God's way of dealing with people,but it does contain lots of scripture references. ...more info
- Drawing a good line in religious life
A very kind, down-to-earth book - the best kind of Christian counseling for managing relations, obligations, caring and abuse. Where religion commonly promotes unlimited demands on people, Cloud and Townsend show humane limits based on respect for both ourselves and others. And they firmly challenge any who feel it spiritual to blame the victim in cases of emotional abuse. On the way, they question many boundaries we draw in our lives, urging open consideration of what is actually helpful:
"Christians often have a warped way of looking at work. Unless someone is working 'in the ministry', they see his work as secular. However, this view of work distorts the biblical picture. All of us -- not only full-time ministers -- have gifts and talents that we contribute to humanity. We all have a vocation, a `calling' into service. Wherever we work, whatever we do, we are to do `unto the Lord'." (Colossians 3:23) (p. 194)
- Clearly Defined
Written by psychologists and incorporating a Biblical perspective, Cloud and Townsend offer anecdotal, clinical and spiritual evidence as they explain the need for limits in our lives. Individual chapters address specific relational areas, e.g. family, marriage, children, workplace. The language and terminology are easy to understand, and the overall tone is encouraging. ...more info
- Boundaries is the icing on the cake of healing!
From cover to cover Boundaries is a complete Christian handbook for discovering why God created boundaries and how to implement them into our lives. By following this guide many dysfunctional people will find a path to freedom and regain control of their lives. Boundaries are clearly defined in this book in all areas; physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Using the steps in the book will bring new health to your relationships and lead to a walk of being the loving giving people God intended us to be. Having grown up in a dysfunctional family myself, I have to say that Boundaries is the icing on the cake of healing that God has served me and I will serve to others as well. ...more info
Everyone should read this book. Young, old, rich, poor and probably should start in highschool. It will blow you away!...more info
- A must read for all Christians
Refreshing, enlightening and a 'must read' for Christians. I wish pastors would teach on this. They support their views with scriptures, which I especially like. Too many nice people are being taken advantage of because they just don't know how or when to say no. I highly recommend this and the other boundary books concerning marriage and child rearing....more info
- Take Ownership of Your Life
Wow! What an incredible book. The lessons and advice within each chapter are life changing, if you put them into practice. My co-workers were so impressed with what I had to say about the book and it's lessons, not to mention how it changed my life, three of them bought a copy and one borrowed a copy. Well worth the money spent. ...more info
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