For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men
For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men

 
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Product Description

What’s going on in a man’s mind? From their early days, every woman has struggled to understand why males behave the way they do. Even long-married women who think they understand men have only scratched the surface. Beneath a man’s rugged exterior is an even more rugged, unmapped terrain. What bestselling author Shaunti Feldhahn’s research reveals about the inner lives of men will open women’s eyes to what the men in their lifea??boyfriends, brothers, husbands, and sonsa??are really thinking and feeling. Men want to be understood, but they’re afraid to “freak out” the women they love by confessing what is happening inside their heads. This book will guide women in how to provide the loving support that modern men want and need.

The Truth About His Inner Life

He Desperately Wants You to Know

What's going on in there? Ever been totally confused by something your man has said or done? Want to understand his secret desires and fears, his daily battles that you know nothing about?

In a woman-to-woman conversation you’ll never forget, Shaunti Feldhahn takes you beneath the surface into the inner lives of men. This book is about the things we just don’t a??get’ about guys. With findings from a groundbreaking national survey and personal interviews of over one thousand men, For Women Only is full of eye-opening revelations you need to not only understand the man in your life, but to support and love him in the way he needs to be loved. Grounded in biblical hope, you will discover how to love your man for who he really isa??not who you think he is.

Story Behind the Book

I had no idea how clueless I was about men until I interviewed a bunch of them for my last novel. Initially, I just wanted a little insight so I could write my main (male) character. But pretty soon I found myself astonished, over and over again blurting out, “That’s what you’re thinking?” So I did more interviews. After the novel hit shelves, dozens of women told me they also had been astonished by what I included. Clearly I wasn’t the only one who needed more insight on this!

To lay the groundwork for this nonfiction book, I wrote out the half-dozen things from these interviews that had most surprised mea??things that appeared to be universal to most mena??that women desperately needed to know. I conducted a professional national survey of men to test my findings. Yepa??the survey substantiated every single one. These findings are fascinatinga??and they have already changed my life and marriage. I can’t wait to share them!


From the Hardcover edition.

Customer Reviews:

  • Very resourceful
    I was afraid to buy this book because I wasn't sure if I wanted to really know what men thought. I bought this book for the visual chapter. A year ago I went through a divorce. It ultimately ended because I was cheated on. My husband blind sided me because, despite our problems, I trusted him to the fullest. He convinced me he wasn't like other guys who looked at other women. I never caught him looking and he never said anything sexual about the opposite sex. This may sound totally stupid, but I never thought he had sexual thoughts about other women. So you can imagine my shock when I found out he cheated on me and a few other surprises that I thought were out of his character. Now I am happily in another relationship, but my boyfriend is more open about the opposite sex. He's not disrespectful, but I'm not used to it. I have to learn to emotionally deal with this "new knowledge" that men do look at women from scratch. I find myself feeling anxieties when a beautiful woman is in his line of vision. I feel totally inferior. So I bought this book for help. It was hard to read, but a huuuuuge eye opener. If I knew then what I know now, I may not be divorced today - honestly. I bought the book for the visual chapter, but as I was reading it, I realized everything I did wrong in my previous marriage. I didn't show respect, affirmation, and sex was minimal. No wonder. But, I am with a super person now and I can use this new knowledge and become a better person and girlfriend. I am not religious and I still found this book extremely helpful. Some of the lesser reviews on here said that this book was common sense. I thought it might be too, but each chapter had so much detail that I learned a ton from it. I will be giving it to my daughter when she's of age. ...more info
  • Ignorance is bliss!
    First off, this book was given to me as a gift. I wish now that I had never cracked the cover. I do have to admit that some of the book is helpful...the part about how your guy wants to be respected and how he needs words of affirmation often...yep, that was helpful, but unless you just really really want to know the things that men think I would not read this book. If you are in a happy relationship and you know without a shadow of a doubt in your heart that your guy loves you, then I see no reason for you to read this book. When I read the chapter about how guys picture most attractive women naked and undresses them with their eyes I thought I would just die. When I asked my guy about it and he assured me that yes, this is in fact what men do, I tormented myself for a good week disgusted that my guy is doing stuff like that. Before I go on let me say that I am in my 20's and I am a size 2....so it's not like I am overweight and don't take care of myself (I'm at the gym every night). Before I learned about this disturbing behavior I felt confident with myself, I completely trusted the behavior of my guy, and I felt like I was the "one and only" in my guys eyes. To know that he is undressing girls in his head has really cut my confidence by about 50%. So girls....unless you just really want to dig in deep and learn about what your guy really thinks, I would just stick to the idea that "ignorance is bliss" and don't read this book. Honestly, I wish now that I had never read it. ...more info
  • For Women only
    I wish I had read this book at the beginning of my marriage, now 22 years later I am still doing the same thing I did when I first got married with no good results.

    Now, I have started changing my remarks in public about my husband that I did not realize were detrimental to how he feels about himself. There are lots of things I never truly realized about men. We are so totally different. I complained about him working long hours and that is one way he is saying he loves me and the kids by providing for us. To me that is a sacrifice to the family, and yet to him it is the man's job.

    Just little things like that to help me see things in a different perspective.

    ...more info
  • Informative without blaming either sex
    I wanted a book about males that was just short and to the point. This book did just that. In non-confrontational fashion, Feldhahn lays it out there that males want/need respect, sex, knowing that we trust in their abilities, and need their wives to continue to keep up their appearances. I will be getting the version for men to read....more info
  • For Women Only
    You could call today's book review a twofor, since although both of these books could stand alone, when it comes to couples, they should be purchased, if not read, together. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that they should be pre-marriage requisite reading. These books may be considered Christian; however, there is information in these books that will help couples better understand one another no matter what religion they are, or even if they have no religion.

    First, For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn, is a book written, obviously for women, about the way men think. At first, I honestly thought it was just another book telling us how we should respect our mates whether we think they deserve it or not. Reading further, I realized it was so much more.

    This book goes beyond the respect lesson, though there is a heavy dose of it, to mens' emotional and physical needs - yes, sex, but more than sex. Not only does it explain these from a woman's perspective, but also delves into the man's perspective, because although the author of this book is female, she took the time to study hundreds of men from all walks of life.

    It was during this study and interview of hundreds of men from pastors to CEOs, tothe man seated beside her on an airplane, to the one behind the counter who served her favorite coffee, that Feldhahn noted a pattern of responses that is the basis of this book.



    The companion book I mentioned, For Men Only, written by Feldhahn and her husband Jeff, will have you nodding your head in agreement; at least if you are a woman reading the book. That is exactly why I recommend this book as a gift for the man in your life. Whether engaged, or married for fifty years, there is something in this book that will help spark a new understanding to men about what makes women tick. Or, more specifically, what makes you tick.

    The best part of these books, I found, was that they not only disclosed these inner thoughts and feelings, but they also dissected them and placed them under the microscope so that the reader would have a better understanding of what really is the deeper meaning of what might otherwise seem a surface feeling. In other words, they also provided the whys. If you are in a relationship you owe in to both yourself and your partner to read these books.


    ...more info
  • Fascinating...
    Of course, I always knew: Men are different. I just never came across such a simple and compelling presentation of their world view and how it effects their actions and reactions. All of a sudden, seemingly "odd" behavior has become understandable to me. No longer do I automatically get offended by it or unintentionally push their buttons!

    Another book full of amazing relationship insights and practical advice in an easy to read package is How to Create a Magical Relationship: The 3 Simple Ideas that Will Instantaneously Transform Your Love Life. A new and fresh look at possibilities!

    Check out these books and see what happens!...more info
  • Awesome book
    I borrowed this book from a friend and liked it so much I bought one for myself and also the one "For Men Only" for my husband. We have a awesome marriage, but after reading these books, they really helped us see from the others way of thinking in a way we hadn't known how to tell each other before. I think all Young marriaged couples should read these books!...more info
  • some good insights, but not instructive
    I picked up this book thinking it would help me better understand how to relate to my husband. I did indeed gain some insights into how guys think--that's essentially what this book is--putting the data from a survey into words. But I also thought that this would come from a Christian perspective--and that was really missing in the book. What we see here is how guys think--not what God thinks about what guys should think. For example, on page 168:
    "Several men told me something like this: 'I want to be proud of my wife. Every man has this innate competition with other men, and our wives are a part of that. Every man wants other men to think that he did well.'"
    If indeed every man feels this way, then they need to look at the Bible and ask God to change their hearts--"Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
    I know I'm not being as articulate about this as I could, but the bottom line is that this is not a biblical book--and I'm frustrated that it's being presented as such. ...more info
  • For Men Only vs For Women Only - Comparing the Reviews
    Both books were interesting. But scanning the reviews for both books today was more illuminating.

    "For Men Only" - helping men figure out their fairer partner - has garnered about 90 comments so far. The few negative reviews were from two apparently unhappily-married guys, and a woman suggesting if you didn't already know what women wanted you were clueless. The rest, often by women (my best guess here, given the pronouns and screen names used by reviewers), offered glowing commentary of how important it is to understand and meet a woman's needs. Ah, the importance of patience, kindness, listening. My favorites were the ones in all capitals and exclamation points. Yes, yes, YES, YES!!!

    Now scan the "For Women Only" comments - all 212 of them to date. So far there are 29 negative reviews (including 16 "1 star" votes) about a book on how ladies can better love their men. There were a few unhappy guys, some complaining the book wasn't "biblical" enough, but the bulk are from ladies insulted (!) by the idea of compromising their feminine selves for some man.

    The ladies offered such loving things as:

    "Unfortunately, this book is only going to help you if you're a fat nagging religious close minded wife who's let herself go."

    "The entire book was about stroking a man's ego at the expense of anything the woman may want."

    "This book is full of generalizations and stereotypes that should have gone out of fashion at the same time as beehive hairdos."

    "If you want to find a reason to play into all of the broad societal expectations about your personal appearance, your sexual boundaries, and general steps to becoming a Stepford wife, then this is your book!"

    Or my favorite: "There is an underlying "good" here that is twisted in a package that will be ultimately damaging to our children and to ourselves. Yes, we must be careful of our spouse's emotional, physical, sexual, and relational needs. But we must do this out of love and respect that is guided by a sense of mutuality in the marriage relationship, not by catering to an unhealthy sense of self-worth that is so pervasive in the responses of Feldhahn's participants. Feldhahn has taken these unhealthy responses and twisted them into normal "healthy" responses that women must then take care of through their behavior and appearance. We should not buy into this myth. Rather, we should take seriously the feelings of low self-esteem, poor attachment, and an un-Biblical view of the role of women in a marriage relationship that were demonstrated by the participant's responses and work to improve the messages we are sending the men in our society."

    Obviously a graduate of Women's Studies at Wellesley College.

    Now, don't get me wrong. The large majority of both men and women who read these two books found them helpful in understanding the opposite sex a little better. Most couples also found them to be good conversation-starters, important for any relationship. Having scanned both I also thought there was plenty of useful info in each.

    It's hard, though, to miss all of the gracious thoughts liberally applied to "his book about her," compared to what seems like a sort of begrudging admission in the other that, well, men like being loved too, as long as it meets faminine approval.

    Speaking of usefulness, perhaps the person these books helped the most was a former boyfriend of a Ms. Rhonda Pyle of Corpus, TX:

    "My boyfriend gave me this book in hopes that I would read it and think that what it was saying was insightful and profound. He thought it could help make me into the woman he wanted me to be. I just want to say to the women that are considering buying this book: I broke up with my boyfriend of two years - who I was going to marry - shortly after he gave me this unhelpful, uninspired piece of material. I was glad though; it revealed to me the kind of man he was. I don't think this helped me understand men more; it just made excuses for them. I remember thinking how often it excused men's insecurities and how women should just be OK with this obvious fault. I'm a Christian woman, but I don't believe that women have to be pushovers for men in order to be a righteous woman in their marriages..."

    Wherever you are, bro, count your blessings. Thanks to this little book you dodged a bullet.

    Perhaps Ms. Rhonda's unwittingly found the most important reason to buy Shaunti's stuff: Give a copy to your (prospective) mate and see what happens. If it gets devoured and put into action, you're a lucky guy/gal. If it remains un-opened on the nightstand or ends up in the garbage disposal, perhaps you should reconsider your options... ...more info
  • Too Short, Made Me Upset!
    This book was recommended to me by a friend, and since it is so short I finished it within a day. It upset me--and not necessarily because of the topics--but because the chapters were not in depth. I got enough information to make me worried, and very few practical solutions on what to do next.

    One helpful chapter was on teasing your husband (something I do a lot) and how much that actually hurts him. It was eye opening and made me feel terrible--but the author ends the chapter with a simple "so don't do that" and moves on. That's it? No tips on how to heal your relationship if you've teased him in the past? No help on how to talk with your husband about it?

    The "Your Husband Cares How You Look" chapter made me angry. I felt terrible for the author when she shared that her husband was saddened by her "new mom breakfast" of chocolate donuts--every time he saw the donut box, he knew she wasn't trying to lose the baby weight and look good for him again. (Argh!!!) Don't we women have enough beauty pressure on us from our society, media, and own insecurities? The last thing I need is to read a Christian book telling me my husband probably loathes my post-baby body! (Thanks a lot.) I agree that we wives need to snap out of our "he's supposed to love me even in sweatpants and dirty hair" daydream and put effort into our looks (for our husbands AND our own self-esteem) but the "lose the extra pounds" advice? Below the belt...and so not what a woman insecure about her body needs to hear! Rather than suggesting that a woman talk to her husband about it, or remember that she is LOVED by him--the author says 90% of men would rather die than tell you what he really thinks about your looks. (And...the insecurities fester on...) How many women already demand that the lights be turned off, or shy away from intimacy due to those issues? How sad. How crippling to the marriage!

    I'm actually left feeling like I got bad advice. It doesn't encourage conversation within a marriage, or in any way help my marriage grow. It filled my head with a bunch of statistics and new fears. (I can get that in the latest issue of Cosmo.) I'm giving it two stars simply for opening my eyes about my sarcastic teasing.

    I have to recommend that women give this book a wide berth--head for something a little more helpful, like the Love and Respect books. ...more info
  • There are better books on the topic
    This book is great for newlyweds that know little or nothing about each other or for couples that do not communicate. But we've been married over 11 years and we communicate great so nothing in this book was news to me. Not only I had read the same information "about men" in other books, I knew exactly how my husband would have answered her survey questions. We have read numerous books about being a couple and there are better books by Tim & Beverly LaHaye as well as Kevin Lehman.

    There's very little "Christian" guidance in this book. It's simply a presentation of the results of her survey of men with her own personal commentary. ...more info
  • A MUST for All Relationships
    This is a "wow" book! For once, as a man, I felt understood. Women will say, "Men! They just don't get it". But, there's a lot about men that women don't get. This book will enlighten all women in a way that men often times find difficult to explain. This book will give women a very good understanding of how men tick and why they act the way they do. Armed with this information and acting upon it, you can be sure to see improvement in your love relationship. But men, you have an equal responsibility! I also recommend the companion book, "For Men Only"....more info
  • Very informative book. Helpful for newlyweds!
    I really enjoyed reading this book. Shaunti Feldman really puts it all out on the table, even the things that may be a little hard to read! I 'found' myself in many of the examples that she used throughout the book. It really helped me open my eyes to some things I was doing wrong in my relationship, and helped me understand WHY my husband does things as well! This book would also make a good gift for a bridal shower or wedding. ...more info
  • Great things come in small packages
    I have read a lot of books trying to understand my fellow homosapiens and this did not most terrific job. I relate to my brothers, coworkers, leaders, and men I've dated so much better. I judge less and I find that I'm less insecure around men now....more info
  • Great book for couples
    This was a quick read packed with helpful information. I've been in a relationship for 7 years and we recently hit a really hard patch. He actually recommended the book when he heard about it on the radio. It really opened my eyes to the minds of men and has helped me see some of the areas where I was creating the problem because I didn't understand him. I recommend it to anyone who wants to be in a healthy supportive relation ship. Have the guy read For Men Only. ...more info
  • THE BEST!! My relationship bible!!
    I read this book in one day. It opened my eyes to all the things I did wrong in my first two marriages. After reading "For Women Only", I GOT IT!! I really GOT IT!! Every woman should read this book!

    No book has ever made such an impact on me and my attitude towards men. It also made me painfully aware of how much power women wield to build or destroy their husband. THIS IS, BY FAR, THE BEST RELATIONSHIP BOOK I HAVE EVER READ! And I will read it over and over again until it is inscribed in my brain. This has become my favorite bridal shower gift! THANK YOU SHAUNTI!!!...more info
  • THIS IS A REALLY GOOD BOOK
    MOST INFORMATIVE. FIND THINGS U MIGHT THINK YOU KNOW AND IF YOU DONT DO A LOT OF RESEARCH ON RELATIONSHIPS THIS IS SOMETHING YOU PROBABLY WOULD NEVER NO OR UNDERSTAND IF YOU DONT READ THE BOOK...more info
  • Yeah Statistics
    I really appreciate that this book is not a woman or a man's perceived differences between the sexes. She went to significant lengths to run statistically sound surveys that allow her to directly point to what men say about things. It is insightful and will help you get a glimpse into your man and how he processes the things you say and do....more info
  • What a Godsend!
    You've given me renewed hope. Thanks to you, I've decided not to give up on American women just yet. Maybe there are 1 or 2 out there somewhere who've decided to build men up, rather than tear us down. By showing women what we really need, your book is a huge step in the right direction.

    I especially loved your chapter "Sex Changes Everything." Your careful insights were as good as, or better than, anything I've seen anywhere else. I've heard rumors that in previous generations, women were taught that they should always say yes to their husbands. (Does anyone know if this is true or not?) If true, then the modern standard of doing it only when the wife is in the mood represents the most radical (and unacknowledged) break with tradition imaginable. (Note: I'm certainly not saying that force is ever OK. Obviously, women always have the right to say no.)

    Lest this seem a burdensome suggestion, I read somewhere of a mother telling her "modern" daughter, "But it takes so little time, and it makes him SO happy!" Besides, as John Gray points out, "always say yes" doesn't mean "always." If it would create actual lasting resentment for you to say yes, then say something else affirming (to overcome the rejection he will feel) like, "No, but let's set the alarm so we can have a quickie in the morning instead."

    For so many of us men, sex is love. Besides, sex is a process, as the book points out, starting with romance and ending in the greatest intimacy, becoming "one flesh." Do you women feel loved and appreciated during this process? You should, if it's done right. Sex is sacred, and it has a way of creating love and so many other good things. For most of us men, sex is rarely just physical. We may be attracted at first for purely hormonal reasons, but our hearts invariably get just as involved as our pelvises. It's the same in reverse for you. At first, you may seek love. But soon, you're desperate for our touch.

    Besides, none of the book's suggestions should be much of a burden. Instead, love is one of life's greatest privileges. If I find one of the chapters in For Men Only difficult to practice, all I have to do is to ask God to fill me with His love, to change me so that I will want to love her in the way she needs. All it takes is willingness and prayer, for since God is love, He will always say yes to this kind of prayer.

    My all-time favorite book, written in 1870, is called The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life. She talks about a romantic love that is so awesome as to make today's love seem comparatively tame: "Love gives all, and must have all in return. The wishes of one become binding obligations to the other, and the deepest desire of each heart is that it may know every secret wish or longing of the other, in order that it may fly on the wings of the wind to gratify it. . . . Ah, dear soul, if you have ever known this, even for a few hours . . . ."

    May we find such wondrous love today. Thanks, Shaunti, for helping love to flower in all of our hearts....more info
  • An Amazing insight book
    Being a man, I can tell you women out there that this book is 90% of what all men think and feel. It was amazing reading how accurate it is.

    Sure there are exceptions but this book focuses on the common ground and while it is not in depth, it will give you a look inside our hearts and say things that we are scared to death to say in front of you.

    I would recommend this book before ANY other book on men and relationships.
    ...more info
  • for women only
    This book was a very quick read, and interesting. The data that was presented for men's behaviors easily applied to women and vice versa, so I can't say that I learned anything exceptional. This would be a good book for a young adult, late teen. 17 and up, but it's a little immature for someone say, 25 or older, in my opinion....more info
  • For Women Only What you need to know about the Inner Lives of Men
    At first I thought you have got to be kidding! But the more I read and the more I observed my own husband the more my anger subsided when he was just being a male. I gave this book to my daughters. It explains alot!...more info
  • a must read for all wives!
    I highly recommend that all women, married or not, read chapter 2, "Your Love is Not Enough, Why Your Respect Means More to Him Than Even Your Affection" I now give these books as wedding presents....more info
  • Wish I read this 25 years ago!
    This simple, easy read is fabulous for getting women to see things from the man's perspective. When my husband and I were first married we figured that we were basically the same and so we put ourselves in the other person's shoes in order to make decisions about how to behave and what to say. This eye opening book shows that you really can't just put yourself in the other person's shoes because the other person is fundamentally different! Great book. Read this before you get married or when you are first married! Don't wait for your silver anniversary to read it!!! ...more info
  • Enlightening insight to understanding men
    This book has surprised me in the many ways it has shown me that I simply had NO CLUE about how men think or feel. I thought I understood what went through men's minds, but reading this book made me pause, reflect, shed tears... for all the times that I unwittingly did/said something harsh and wrong to the guy that I loved. I'm still not married, but at least now I can see where I went wrong so many times. I'm grateful for this book. It opened my eyes so that I could better understand how to let my guy (the next one) know what's in my heart for him. Glad I purchased it. I will be recommending it to many of my friends. ...more info
  • great book with great insight
    I have not completed the book, but enjoy it very much so far. It has opened my eyes to different lives of men and their thoughts!...more info
  • For women only...
    This is a great book. At first, I thought it would be a bunch of wife submitting advise but not so. It is a book with great insight!! I recommend it to all women....more info
  • Hard to swallow but very good.
    Just because I think he has thick skin doesn't mean he does when it comes to the things I, as his wife, say. I was hard to take some of this stuff because it isn't talked about in society and it makes it hard to understand. She goes past just saying "men are visual" and actually describes what that means from a mans perspective. My husband was practically in tears when he realized I really was interested in knowing him better. In fact, when I mentioned there was a companion "For men only" he told me to get it. (this from the man who cringes at spending $0.50).

    God created men different for a reason. If we really want to understand the majority (there are always exceptions) then this is a great place to start. I think it'll start being my wedding gift to couples....more info
  • Shaunti Feldhahn is not just an author, she is an EXCELLENT communicator.
    For Women Only is the result of a survey of 400 men across the country who responded to a questionaire about their relationships. This book points out seven areas in which women have a surface understanding of men's needs or desires and delves into each subject in a way that leaves the reader grasping what that statement really means.

    For example, the first point is that "men need respect". That seems obvious enough, but Feldhahn brings this into perspective with her survey result that 74% of the men would rather feel "alone & unloved" instead of "inadequate & disrespected", if they had to choose one of the two options. She then elaborates on this with several follow-up examples of ways women can either demonstrate respect or show a lack of respect. Some of which we don't usually connect with showing disrespect. On page 24, she quotes Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, "In a relationship conflict, crying is often a woman's response to feeling unloved, and anger is often a man's response to feeling disrespected."

    I would highly recommend this book to any woman who is serious about wanting to improve her relationship with her husband. The author has a way of transforming something you think you know into something you can apply to your everyday life, which isn't always an easy task. ...more info
  • Amazing
    I bought this book from the recommendation of my sister in law - who said it made a big difference in her life. I was a little skeptical but considering my husband and I had been fighting a lot recently I decided it was worth a shot.

    This is probably the best money I have spent on a book in a while.

    I read this sitting on a plane - and was totally engulfed. I finished it within a few hours. I was totally amazed by the differences in logic and perception. What a difference this made! After I made it home I implemented some of the suggestions - and I must say it worked IMMEDIATELY. I wish I had read this book sooner! Thank you so much to the author!
    ...more info
  • Says what I could not verbalize
    First, let me say that I have been married, and happily so, for over 21 years. I heard about this book, and set out to find it. After I read it in one sitting (I could not put it down), I, as a male, was blown away. This was a mirror on my own emotional and mental makeup. I saw myself in page after page. Some of the chapters were more relevant than others, but they ALL had helpful insights into my own beliefs/thoughts/actions. I have thought some of the EXACT words she has written about in her book.

    I knew that Ms. Feldhahn had written a companion book called "For Men Only". It delves into the inner thought-life of women. I bought it also and read it from cover to cover. It explained a lot about the actions of my wife over the years in certain situations. I felt like I needed to focus on her first, so I implemented some of the suggestions from the book, and my I saw an immediate change in her. She asked about my change, and I saw it as a way to start a conversation about "For Women Only". She has started reading it, and has found it a real "eye opener". I can only speak for myself, but I cannot state strongly enough that this book verbalizes what I could not find the words to say myself.

    Keep in mind that these books are written from a Biblical perspective, so don't be offended if it seems old fashioned. I also noticed that 14 out of 16 people that gave it only 1 star were women. Sorry, but women cannot say whether or not the feelings Ms. Feldhahn writes about are true. All you can do is ask your male significant other whether HE sees himself in it or not. She NEVER says that it is only a one-way street,or that women should be doormats. Just read her book written FOR men to understand what I mean.

    Whether or not it will help your relationship, I cannot say. However, I can say that it has helped mine. I just wish I had them 20 years ago.
    ...more info
  • Times change but genders don't ! This is a good book!
    I liked this book! Basically, it's a reminder of common sense relationship builders about how men are different than women (guys and gals are different? No! Really?). When I was a new bride my mom gave me some advice, some of it funny, about being a wife. At the time I thought oh that's all well and good, but mom was married in 1950 and I'm getting married in the '80's and men are SO different now. Well guess what? 20+ years later into my marriage and mom was right. Men and women are wired differently; this book reminds women of that.
    For some reason the difference in genders has become forgotten in our society, and I think a lot of relationship issues are the result. Men are men, no matter what generation this is. They want respect. Teasing and joking at their expense is deeply hurtful. The "Sorry honey, I have a headache" routine isn't just annoying to them, it hurts them emtotionally. In that respect the book is fairly basic, but I think this information - as basic as it is - is important information for women today. That said, the book does put quite a bit of responsibility on the wife. I think many wives will read this book and say "But I tried all that!" and feel like any failures in their marriage are their fault. Relationships are complex; this book is a start but doesn't answer every marriage issue, and I don't think that is the book's intent. It's a starting point.
    The funny thing is, the average girl in Jr. High can accurately describe what boys are like but somewhere along the line women seem to forget all that and honestly, grown men and Jr. High boys still have a lot in common. (Ha Ha). When my daughters are older I'll definitely give them a copy of this book, and of course maybe have them chat with my mom, too. ...more info
  • Good tips
    This book really gave me a better understanding of how to love and adore my husband. ...more info
  • If my wife would read it, it would change our marriage
    If my wife would read it, it would change our marriage. It says all the things that Ive always wanted to convey but didnt have the words......more info
  • Amazing book
    This is an eye opening book for women on learning to support, love and encourage your husband....more info
  • Revolutionary
    To begin with, I was blown away by this book. What an impact such a small volume has made in my relationship with my dear fiance' as well as with my brothers and father. So, why is this book so good? Firstly, it is written with the idea of informing about the way men think. How many of us are totally confused about men? Yeah, most of us. And men don't talk a lot about their "feelings" so it is very difficult to get an honest answer. This book is an absolute blessing in that measure. It shows why men have trouble being romantic, why they need women's respect so much and (possibly the most revolutionary chapter) why they want SO MUCH sex.

    I will not explain, b/c the book does that, but I will say that once I read the book my eyes were completely opened to why my fiance' reacts the way he does to my actions. And I began changing my actions and... well I will just say that although Caleb and I have always had an incredible relationship, this just made things even more beautiful.

    To the reviewer who complained that the book made wives too subservient I would answer, firstly, read her book "For Men Only". Both books are interested in teaching wives and husbands to better serve eachother. Secondly, women are not at all put down in this book. Rather wives are shown to be the one factor in their husbands' lives that really makes the crucial difference between men feeling like a success or a failure. This book really is empowering to women because it is basically like, "You can make the crucial difference... Oh yeah, here's how."

    While some points in this book may not be accurate for all men (I am blessed with a man who is the "King of Romance" as my mom says, and who will always talk about his feelings) it really has something for every relationship. If you are working to cultivate a blessed, beautiful marriage, you will find this book to be of great value. ...more info
  • A must have book for all women, even mothers!
    This was an eye opening book and a must read for all woman!

    The one glaring thing I got from this book, is that respect is key! And it doesn't matter if you're in a relationship or if you are a mother or if you are a wife, or even if you aren't in a relationship, because you will have to deal with men at some point in your life and this book gives you valuable insight into the minds of men.

    Yes, men have feelings! They also have hormones! Shocking, I know!

    There are some things that we, as women, can help them with! Read this book to find out what you can do to help the man in your life, whether its your husband, best friend, son or boyfriend.

    Have fun reading this book! :)...more info
  • understanding men
    This book is to the point. She has alot of the same topics & langauge as another well know author but without all the pages to go through. Each chapter is a quick & easy read. Makes for good dicussion....more info
  • very helpful
    I liked it very much, because it is fun to read, simple to understand and yet the books challenged me to change my perspective!
    I would surely recommend it!...more info
  • Awesome advice
    I finished reading this book yesterday, and I am already enjoying what I learned from it. I have to admit that there was one point when I stopped and started arguing with the book, wondering, "Why does she make me feel like I gotta do all the work? Why should I worked so hard to think the way he does, what ab out me?" Then as I started reading again, the next paragraphs addressed that very question! :)

    I was so happy after just the second chapter that I want online and bought "For Men Only", and both discussion guides, then later bought For young women only and it's discussion book to give to my teenage sister.

    I would recommend this book to any woman, marital discord or not. It's so rewarding to love anyone to the utmost, especially the one from whom you want the same kind of love....more info
  • For women only
    Wow...Wonderful book. Opened my eyes, I wish that I read this book on my wedding day! My marriage would not have been in crisis mode for years. I am so thankful to Shaunti for writing a book that is based on surveys and conversations from men - I highly recommend this book. My life, husband and marriage has truly been blessed by reading, understanding, respecting, honoring and loving my husband.

    Question? What is your husband's number 1 need? Did you know that approximately 81% men answering her survey stated this #1 need is not being met. ...more info
  • Too Short, Made Me Upset!
    This book was recommended to me by a friend, and since it is so short I finished it within a day. It upset me--and not necessarily because of the topics--but because the chapters were not in depth. I got enough information to make me worried, and very few practical solutions on what to do next.

    One helpful chapter was on teasing your husband (something I do a lot) and how much that actually hurts him. It was eye opening and made me feel terrible--but the author ends the chapter with a simple "so don't do that" and moves on. That's it? No tips on how to heal your relationship if you've teased him in the past? No help on how to talk with your husband about it?

    The "Your Husband Cares How You Look" chapter made me angry. I felt terrible for the author when she shared that her husband was saddened by her "new mom breakfast" of chocolate donuts--every time he saw the donut box, he knew she wasn't trying to lose the baby weight and look good for him again. (Argh!!!) Don't we women have enough beauty pressure on us from our society, media, and own insecurities? The last thing I need is to read a Christian book telling me my husband probably loathes my post-baby body! (Thanks a lot.) I agree that we wives need to snap out of our "he's supposed to love me even in sweatpants and dirty hair" daydream and put effort into our looks (for our husbands AND our own self-esteem) but the "lose the extra pounds" advice? Below the belt...and so not what a woman insecure about her body needs to hear! Rather than suggesting that a woman talk to her husband about it, or remember that she is LOVED by him--the author says 90% of men would rather die than tell you what he really thinks about your looks. (And...the insecurities fester on...) How many women already demand that the lights be turned off, or shy away from intimacy due to those issues? How sad. How crippling to the marriage!

    I'm actually left feeling like I got bad advice. It doesn't encourage conversation within a marriage, or in any way help my marriage grow. It filled my head with a bunch of statistics and new fears. (I can get that in the latest issue of Cosmo.) I'm giving it two stars simply for opening my eyes about my sarcastic teasing.

    I have to recommend that women give this book a wide berth--head for something a little more helpful, like the Love and Respect books. ...more info
  • self help
    This book was interesting, but did not have any information that you wouldn't know if you are a considerate person and treat a partner the way you would like to be treated yourself....more info
  • Fantastic- very insightful and alarmingly spot-on!
    Our pastor recommended this book (who knew!). My husband read "For Men Only" and I read "For Women Only." Before we were married, we decided that each year, we would read a 'foster our relationship' book together. This is by far the best read we've done! Very insightful, specific and a fun read. We've already recommended these books to a number of friends and family members- both those with great marriages and those that could stand a little assistance. I recommend these books to anyone that isn't a mind-reader when it comes to their spouse!...more info
  • Very interesting and informative!
    I learned so much from this book. My pastors wife gave a class at church based on this book, it was great!!!...more info
  • Must read for married women
    I highly recommend this book to married women everywhere. Although not every man feels the same way about the different issues discussed in this book, I think it will give women great insight into how differently men think and why they do the things they do. It may also help us to be better wives. After reading this book, my attitude toward my husband has changed for the better and I see him as my partner who has needs, however different they may be from mine. My one recommendation for women reading this book -- read it prayerfully....more info
  • Surprisingly informative!
    If you wonder about men... Anything about men or why they do or say certain things then buy this book. Period....more info
  • Must Read
    This book really helped me understand my husband on a deeper level. It gave us meaningful things to discuss and helped me appreciate him even more. ...more info
  • he should be reading the counterpart. it's not all on you, girl!
    I agree with other reviewers that this may encourage women to be less assertive of their needs and more understanding when their husbands are doing things the don't understand/agree with.
    This book did help me understand my man but he's still accountable for his actions.
    He read the counterpart for men and has adapted his behaviors as well. If you have the sort of relationship where you can work together it can't hurt for both to become more understanding!
    This book has religious undertones but it's tolerable....more info
  • What I didn't know
    I don't know what caught my eye about this book but I picked it up, got a mocha and sat down at the book store and read it from cover to cover. I have been divorced for 21 years, am not a christian and am a feminist; and I really wish I would have had this book 35 years ago. It's insight and revelations into men's thoughts and fears have honestly astonished me. Who would have thought that men would have such fears and hopes regarding a loving and balanced relationship? If what I've read in this book and the resulting comments written about this book are the way a majority of men feel, maybe I have some serious rethinking to do.

    As I read it, all I could think of was, "Ah, I get it now!" While there are some things I don't necessary agree with, it's a book I couldn't put down. As to the person who wrote that she was disappointed that it is not a more biblical book; if it had more more biblical I would put it down after only a couple of pages. I also disagree with the person who wrote that non-christians wouldn't be interested in it, ah - wrong again. I think any book that can challenge the mind to rethink long held and possibly not accurate opinions is a book worth reading.

    The book was written to give married and, I feel, single women an insight into the world of men, what could be better? No, this book isn't the end all and be all book of relationship solutions, but it's certainly a great start on understanding the way men feel and think. I am buying the book for my daughter and daughter-in-law. I haven't read "For Men Only" but you can bet I will and my boys will get that book....more info

 

 
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