|How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less
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The average person's attention span lasts about 30 seconds. That means first and immediate impressions count, and big. In this modern-day update of Dale Carnegie's classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, former fashion photographer Nicholas Boothman instructs you in how to mold those 30 seconds to your greatest advantage and connect with others at business and social functions.
Boothman, now a lecturer and licensed master practitioner of neurolinguistic programming (the art and science of how the brain affects human connections), says that the key to making others like you quickly lies in establishing a rapport: you have to find out what you have in common or, if you seemingly have nothing in common, purposely try to become like the other person for a short time. He then goes on to offer simple techniques for getting a rapport going: adopt a positive attitude; make sure your words, tone, and gestures are all saying the same thing; synchronize your attitude and body movements to those of another person's (which makes the person feel comfortable with you--although he or she may not know why); and ask lots of open-ended questions. Boothman also describes how to figure out a stranger's favored sense for receiving information about the world--some rely on visual cues, others on auditory or kinesthetic (touch) input--and use it to your best advantage.
If discovering how to connect with others is the secret to business and life success, as Boothman contends, then employing the strategies in this book will make you instantly likeable and give you a leg up on the competition. --Nancy Monson
Whether selling, managing, negotiating, planning, collaborating, pitching, instructing-or on your knees with a marriage proposal-the secret of success is based on connecting with other people. Now that connection is infinitely easier to make through Nicholas Boothman's program of rapport by design.
HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU IN 90 SECONDS OR LESS is the work of a master of Neuro-Linguistic Programming whose career is teaching corporations and groups the secrets of successful face-to-face communication. Aimed at establishing rapport-that stage between meeting and communicating-HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU focuses on the concept of synchrony. It shows how to synchronize attitude, synchronize body language, and synchronize voice tone so that you instantly and imperceptibly become someone the other person likes. Reinforcing these easy-to-learn skills is knowing how to read the other person's sensory preferences-most of us are visual, some are kinesthetic, and a minority are auditory. So when you say "I see what you mean" to a visual person, you're really speaking his language. Along the way the book covers attitude, nervousness, words that open a conversation and words that shut it down, compliments, eye cues, the magic of opposites attracting, and more. It's how to make the best of the most important 90 seconds in any relationship, business or personal.
- People will like you if you read this book
Imagine being trained by a top notch photographer on how to get people to bring out their best and connect in a way that makes a photo special. This book can help you do that and more. What is covered is basic Neuro linguistic programming, basic flirting, proximity in relation to others and eye contact. This is a small book and a short read and can be used as a quick refresher for just about anybody. Pick it up and make people like you better or learn how to get out of your shell. Do the exercises to get the most from your investment....more info
- The Secrets Of Communication
"People who are low on communication skills usually have not thought out the response they want from the other person in the first place and therefore cannot aim for it" (21).
Boothman has been a photographer for some time, and as such he has much to say about how to achieve instant rapport with another person within a matter of minutes. This is all essential in his line of work, where he must instantly find something in common with whatever smiling or snarling model who graces a centerfold, bu it is even more essential to men and women in other lines of work since at some point dealing with others is a task that every worker faces. The book is divided into three sections, "first contact", "the 90-second land of rapport", and "the secrets of communication." Boothman's book should be required reading for all who not only work, but anyone who has ever considered going on a date or wanting to be married, since much of this material is focused on giving people respect in exchange for rapport.
When Boothman wants to discuss a subject, he does so in two manners: (1) he decides to belabor the point for 30+ pages, or (2) he mentions it briefly and moves on. The first option describes how Boothman describes likability in this first section of the book.
The 90-Second Land Of Rapport
If a person wanted to be certain they were sending every non-verbal message with a purpose and a meaning, they would be a wonderful communicator and people would be naturally drawn to them. Anyone who tries to go for this goal automatically improves rapport with others. Acting like other people act makes them want to be around a perso more, also.
The Secrets Of Communication
For most men and women, communication is a cryptic word with little or no meaning. Boothman discusses how listening is more important than talking, how "parroting" another person is annoying, how vivid language is exciting, and how people are either visual, audible, or kinesthetic in the way they communicate. Understanding how a person sees the world, or hears the world, or feels the world, is essential into putting them first in conversation.
In summary, Boothman concludes his work by summarizing all of the sections of his book. This is nice work, so that summary may speak for itself, with what has been written here....more info
- A really useful book
Whether you're a teenage guy having trouble talking to girls; the CEO of a major corporation unhappy with your employees' productivity; or a mother who wishes her kids would clean their rooms without being nagged, you need this book!
It presents a look at developing "rapport" during the first few seconds of meeting someone - a practice that can make the difference in a relationship or a business deal.
The book also presents practical advice on enhancing existing relationships by understanding other people's methods of interpreting sensory input.
Unlike many books by motivational speakers who spout motherhood statements and generalizations, author Nicholas Boothman uses plain language and effective metaphors that provide the reader with concrete communication "tools." A fascinating "read," this book is a guide to be used along your day-to-day life path.
Boothman's writing style is remarkably clear and concise. How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less is an oasis of simplicity for everyone coping in today's complex world....more info
- great book, some nice ideas (from a former geek!)
Boothman's little book has been very useful to me as I moved into self-employed consulting (from a full-time job). His ideas around establishing rapport are practical, respectful, and fun!
More at: A review of "How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less"
- usefull but a little boring
I think it is usefull but is a little boring especially if english is not your first language...more info
- Sounds cheesy but rings true
This book is based on Neuro-Linguistic Programming theories, and it is GREAT stuff because it WORKS. I've gotten DATES with this stuff. I've honestly recieved the response "Where do I know you from?" a few times. And I did it with only ONE WORD: "Hi." The rest was body language (I think the secret is in the eyes.) I do not generally take the time to write long reviews. I spend my time living and I read a lot of non-fiction books with the desire to deepen it. I submit ratings for those books I loved most. This is one of them. Although the title sounds cheesy this is powerful and effective information. These techniques work. Get it. Read it. Twice!...more info
- It's All About Rapport
If you're thinking of picking up this book (and I recommend it), let me first say that the audio version is a better choice - that's if you like audio books. The author reads in an engaging conversational style - the sharing of information rather than the reading of a text book. And, let's also mention his charming English accent.
We only get one chance to make a first impression. The author tells us we have only 90 seconds to make an impressive first impression - to be remembered. Why would that matter? Because the type and quality of the connection we have with others, affects our health, happiness, financial worth, and success. Whether that's through close interpersonal relationships with family and partners, business relationships or casual acquaintances and encounters. How we connect, or don't, with others affects every area of our lives.
In this book, Nicholas Boothman gently walks us through tips, tools, and the how-to's of developing rapport. He effectively teaches:
- How people to respond to each other and why
- How to effectively use this knowledge to make a favorable first impression
- How to be memorable
- How your attitude is the most important thing in any communication
- Defining and understanding body language so you don't send mixed messages
- Engaging the power of your imagination
- How to accept compliments graciously and with confidence
- Recognizing your communication style and those of others, easily and quickly
- How to listen actively
The book is appealing in the way it paints a picture (visual) of what a relaxed (kinesthetic) conversation sounds (auditory) like - whether with strangers or those you know. To sum this up, if you want to be comfortable meeting new people, build your conversation skills, or be a better listener, you'll want to read this book...or listen. This is by far, the most comprehensive and attention-grabbing book I've read on the subject. I'll be listening to this book often!
- Excellent introduction to how to make people like you
This is a great book which can help make people like you in a very short time. I found it in a Book Exhibition, and decided to buy it since the title attracted me.
It's really useful when you learn how to attract attention of people which is very important in our daily life.
This book is concise, user-friendly and uses simple language for conveying the auther's message.
Part (1) is an introduction about the importance of the first impression. There is an old saying which is true most of the time (The first impression is the last impression.) All what you need is to adopt a positive attitude, make sure your words, tone, and gestures are in harmony, and use your gift in organizing your speech to maintain an attractive conversation by using open-ended questions to try to discover what the other person likes.
Part (2) focuses on the first 90 seconds for establishing a rapport. As Mr. Boothman said, the key to establish a rapport with people is to learn how to be like them.
Part (3) is talking about the secrets of interactions. I was amazed when I learned that some people rely on visual cues, others on auditory or kinesthetic (touch) input. You just should try to discover what the other person prefers and use it to your best advantage! After doing the exercise to determine my favorite sense, it came out to be (Visual)! The author gives us some exercises for determining the characteristics of the people whose favorable senses are visual, auditory, and kinesthetic.
Keep in you mind that your reward at the end will be the acceptance of the other person for your personality.
However, I agree with some reviewers that there are few points which were not clarified in this book:
1. emphasizing on general appearance.
2. exploring coversational techniques.
3. overcoming shyness for some people.
4. speaking to more than 1 person.
In summary, I recommend this book for anybody who is interested in the "psychology" of how to give a good impression in 90 seconds or less!
Well done Mr. Boothman!...more info
- A Few Good Lessons but Not Very Practical
The author over-simplifies the solution to making people like us to a few techniques based Neuro Linguistic Research theory. The reader is expected to evaluate a stranger based on that persons preferred type of sensory input and to react appropriately to it. This technique would seem of limited value given the many changing moods, predjudices, likes, dislikes and bias's that will confound any valid determination of "sensory type" (and what if your determination is wrong or you have to talk to more then one person at a time or you're just boring?). Little time is devoted to any new conversational techniques, over-coming personal shyness, speaking with more then 1 person at a time, physical appearance, or the tremendous value of being a well rounded, knowledgeable person - a person who actually has something worth listening to....more info
- Interesting read
This was a very interesting book. I actually listened to the audio CD and found his voice to be pleasant to listen to. This book would be a great tool for people in sales and marketing, or persons in a business where people skill really count. Most of the techniques are similar to the ones given in "How to make friends and influence people." But one thing I really noticed that was different in this book was the addition of what sense are people driven by.
Boothman states that people can be driven by one of 3 sensory mechanisms:
3) Kinesthetics (feelings)
He gives you tools for figuring out which of these is the driving factor in a persons life. For example, if you understand someone, how would you respond:
1) I see what you are saying.
2) I hear you.
3) I understand how that makes you feel.
I took the test he gave and was shocked to find that I am auditory, but then I started listening to how I respond to people and noticed my responses do tend to be auditory in nature.
If you have read "The Five Love Languages" this portion of the book may be familiar to you, as Boothman discusses how we can change our responses to fit the other persons sensory language, thus making them feel more in tune with us.
It is definitely worth a read!...more info
- The Real Deal
This is indeed a book that can CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
As someone who always had trouble connecting with people this book showed me very specific methods to use to cause people to like and pay attention to me. To those of us who suffer from social interaction blindness, this is a manual on how to have people listen to you and like you. Simple things like pointing your heart at other peoples hearts, or mimicking their mannerisms really work. (I didn't believe it either, but I tried it and it worked!)
Buy this book and begin living. This may be useful for adults with Asperger's syndrome who may be out of touch with social interaction. The book is very practical, not a bunch of wishy-washy theory....more info
- Reviews by Nan Kilar and Bobby Miller
Okay, so everyone is writing how-to books. Why? They sell. Why? Because we know we could be better than we are and most of us want that to happen. Boothman's book is a plus in any library. He tells what to do and what not to do when meeting friend or foe. With the usual hello or go to hell out of the way, he makes good suggestions about how to build natural rapport. My favorite part of the book is how to get along with a bully. The bottom line is that with just a little practice you can have complete strangers saying, "There's something about this person I really like." Success! Since I'm considered one of America's most controversial authors, that's a very difficult thing for me to accomplish even on my good days. So if this book helped me make a few friends, just think what it can do for you....more info
- Slow start, but many good tips
As with many books this one spent too long at the beginning trying to build the case that you want people to like you. Obviously the reader agrees or they would not be waisting their time. Once he got into the substance though the book had some amazing points and many good tips. I will likely re-read to pick up a few more that I may have missed. If you are a social person, but want to take it to the next level this book provides great insight to do that. ...more info
- Consider this book, if you're preparing for a job interview
This is a quick read (less than two hours) but it has enough tips in it, that once you've finished it, you'll want to go back and reread parts of it again.
Written in an easy to understand format, it is an introductory guide to Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). If you already know a little about NLP, you would probably prefer some more advanced literature, but if this is the first time you've been exposed to these types of techniques, you'll find it to be a great introduction.
A word of caution -- simply reading this book will not turn you into the most popular person on the block. However, even adding just a few of these techniques to your repertoire will help.
I like to lend this book to friends preparing for job interviews. I was reading this book while interviewing for a new job. I believe it was my improved ability to quickly connect with strangers, brought about in part by using some of these techniques, which helped me to secure my new job. (One interviewer later told me that he felt like he'd known me forever. "We connected right from the start.")
Target Audience: You sometimes don't make a great first impression with people, and you wish you could connect with people quicker. The more you practice these techniques, the more powerful they become.
- Read It Today, Make an Impression Tomorrow!
This book is full of quick easy ways to start making connections with others. While some of the tips are common sense, they are still helpful and it is good to be reminded of them. After all, what might be common sense to you might not be common sense to me.
You can start applying what you learn in this book right away, and you'll also start to see a difference when meeting new people....more info
- A greater starter on NLP to converse with people
Boothman was a fashion photographer so he was required to quickly make a good impression with models. The techniques he discovered to quickly connect with people are based on his studies with Richard Bandler and John Grinder, co-founders of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP).
He shares techniques to look good, improve your body language, become similar to people, and connect with their representational system (an NLP term used to describe if a person is visual, auditory, or kinesthetic). The workbook at the end provides 21 good exercises to put the skills into practice.
The most notable aspect about the book is it's a short read in simple terms. This is probably also its downfall because Boothman simplifies techniques or advice. Little time is spent on how to overcome shyness and being an all round interesting person.
Overall, it's a good primer for anyone who struggles to make a good impression on people. Your sure to pick out a few gems that will help no matter your situation.
Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"...more info
- Better Communications by Creating Rapid Connections!
This book is one of the simpler and easier to understand of the many books that introduce Neuro-Linguistic Programming techniques. It is also a little more original in that it does not simply repeat the ideas of Drs. Richard Bandler and John Grinder word-for-word as so many of these books do. The author has studied under Dr. Bandler (as have I) and is a Licensed NLP Master Practitioner.
If you already know NLP, you can skip this book.
If you do not yet know NLP, this is a good introduction for those who have trouble making in-person connections.
NLP is based on observations of how people open themselves up to receive communications from others. Basically, we each have thinking habits that mean we consider subjects in different ways and sequences. When we come upon a way or sequence that is different from ours, we close up and pull back. When we come on one just like ours, we feel relaxed and open, and the message sinks in both consciously and unconsciously. Students of perception estimate that the words you use are less than 25 percent of the communications that are received from you. Your body motions are the primary means of communicating. Your intonation is also important (take time to sound pleasant).
The author focuses on the fact that impressions are formed in the first 10 seconds or so when we meet someone. He encourages us to open ourselves up physically (hands open, coat unbuttoned if you have one on, relaxed), look the other person in the eye, beam (like you are shaking hands), say Hi! with a positive attitude, and lean towards the person. These are universally interpreted as being genuine indications of interest that are perceived by the other person's subconscious mind, and the other person will almost always respond in kind.
There are three primary modes that people use to process thoughts (visual, auditory, and kinesthetic -- both emotions and physical feelings), and remembered and imagined versions of each one. The book contains clues (such as eye movement and choices of verbs) to understand the person's preferences. You are encouraged then to be sure to include those modes. This advice was the weakest point of the book. Dr. Bandler has shown since developing NLP that equally emphasizing all of the modes works even better, so the author would appear not to have worked with Dr. Bandler in some time.
Finally, you are encouraged to mirror and match the behavior of the other person (from breathing to posture to gestures).
The key points of the book, then, can be summarized as a positive attitude toward the other person, synchronicity in actions and locating commonalities, using the correct conversational modes, and emphasizing the sensory preferences of the other person.
The other major weakness of this book is that it does not do enough to help the shy person to get themselves into the mood to do all of these things. Tony Robbins (another former student of Richard Bandler's) has a good technique you can use, which is to remember the most fabulous first meeting you ever had with another person before you step forward to meet the new person. Your mind and body will still be jazzed by the favorable memory, and the viewer will perceive that high level of excitement.
I would like to give the author great credit for his photo. His years of expreience in fashion and advertising photography show off to advantage. He mimics listening to someone with great interest. Look at the photo to get a sense of how someone's posture and expression can affect you.
After you have absorbed these lessons, consider how much your attitude determines the reactions you get from other people. If you are afraid to meet them, that will show. If you are delighted to be with them, that will also show. If your message is important to you, you should take a little time to dress up your attitude and responsiveness if you want to really be dressed for success. Ask yourself if you would really want to listen to you when you do not take the time to be an interested communicator. If not, now may be a good time for a change. You, too, can be irresistible -- when you want to be. Also, be aware that the person who seems so interested in your may simply be a devoted student of NLP. Keep probing for trustworthiness!
- Helps Me Overcome Problems
Let me tell you a story...
I have an ongoing problem-I stand 195cm tall and weigh around 130 kg, many people I encounter for the first time assume I am either a Debt Collector, Hitman, or a Pub Bouncer...This may tend to evoke some panic as they commence to frantically try and remember what they did, where they were and what they've signed in the past week or so; when they see me approaching them. Come to think of it, my face is not the most angelic feature of me, either...
So I bought this book to try and break down these initial perceptions new people tend to have of me and also try and assist people to immediately resist this 'fight or flight' surge that overcomes them...you can see it in their face and eyes...
I found some very useful information in this book and the book is also a handy size to carry around with you to whip out for a quick reference here and there when you may need to refresh your approach. Especially before sailing forth to a job interview, meeting, or that first date with someone new!
Nicholas Boothman has done a good job of explaining a few facts about getting people to lower their guard on you on that first encounter. I liked the discussion on determining if a person is 'Visual' 'Auditory' or 'Kinesthetic' and modifying your approach to them. Also, if you are receiving various clues-either verbal or non-verbal; how to interpret these hints and what type of approach to make towards them.
Probably a word of caution here,from my experience-if you're built like me and with a face like mine, it's maybe better to try these techniques out first on people you know and are comfortable with-that will give you the confidence to go out into the big wide and tackle complete strangers. It does work, but it is sometimes difficult with some people when they encounter a bloke like me...
In summary a good book, for the person who has trouble meeting people and getting them to 'warm' to you. Well done, Nicholas Boothman!
- Great Listen...
Nice Voice, Brit accent, content was very thought provoking, and with my I-Pod I listened to half of the book while berry picking outdoors. I found that some of the "exercises" were a bit New- Age style, but the rest of the info was well grounded and helped me related to difficult people....more info
- Immediately useful
The techniques detailed in this book can be found in others...but the difference here is the ease in which they may be assimilated and fruitfully used. Nicholas Boothman updates the quest for winning friends by utilizing fun exercises, popular culture references, and delightful analogies. His own seminar-circuit success gives validity to the positive impact of the approaches, and makes the reader believe that he, too, is just a properly-nuanced "Hi!" and handshake away from a similar result. A friendly, Sunday afternoon read....more info
- Should be titled"How to Act like a Used Car Salesman in 90 seconds"
If you follow this book, people mey be happy with the person they meet-but it won't be you....more info
- Save your money
This book is an expensive waste of money. Carefully read all the reviews below and you'll have gotten the gist of the book's contents... about 5 pages of useful info padded out to 172 pages.
Even better, buy and absorb Ian Rowland's Full Facts Book of Cold Reading at ianrowland dot com which will tell you everything in this book and more in straight English without all the pseudoscience and NLP hocus pocus.
Regardless, if you are a poor listener, you aren't looking for a book to improve yourself. And if you think you need a book about being a good listener, you probably already are a pretty good one. ...more info
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