Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is): Sexual Purity in a Lust-Saturated World

 
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Lust isn't just a guy problem - it's a human problem. And unless we honestly confront it, lust will destroy our relationships and our lives. Joshua Harris, author of the runaway bestseller I Kissed Dating Goodbye, calls a generation bombarded with images of sexual sin back to the freedom and joy of holiness. This "PG-rated" book - straightforward without being graphic - speaks to those entrenched in lust or just flirting with temptation. Honestly sharing his own struggles, Harris exposes lust's tactics and helps readers create a personal plan for fighting back. Men and women will find hope in God's grace and learn the secrets to lasting change.

Customer Reviews:

  • Likely to drive readers into years of therapy
    First of all, I am a Christian. I believe in waiting until marriage. I believe that a huge number of problems in society are caused by casual attitudes toward sex. As a wife, I can speak to the intense intimacy and beauty of married love.

    That said, there needs to be a balance, and that is what is sadly and dangerously lacking in this book. Harris sets up a paradigm in which any little whiff of sexual desire, any little hint of conscious sexual interest in another, will throw you into the devil's clutches. The title says it all: he selectively quotes from the Bible to create a slippery slope mentality in which one little hint of lust will send you careening off into a land of vice and misery.

    I'm not saying we should not restrain our sexual natures. It IS a struggle to live as a sexual being, and to learn how to express our sexuality in healthy ways. The problem is that, in Harris' opinion, there IS no healthy way outside of marriage. Period. He even goes so far as to say that the best method of dealing with lust is to get married. He then goes on to qualify that statement by saying that of course you shouldn't marry for sex alone and don't rush into anything, but by that point in the book, the damage is done: his extremism has been pounded into the reader, dangerously and falsely packaged as God's will.

    In Harris' world, even kissing before marriage is a big no-no. He chastises himself for having "made out" a few times a week with one of his past girlfriends. He admires a friend for not going into the video store so he won't be distracted by attractive women on movie posters and video boxes. What he does is to create a pressure-cooker model of sexuality: it's repressed, stuffed away, unless, like Harris, you are lucky enough to find a marriage partner at a young age. Again, I'm not saying we shouldn't learn how to control ourselves. I am saying that there is a spectrum of physical behaviors, and that part of being a mature adult and a mature Christian involves striking the right balance: allowing ourselves an intimacy that is appropriate to the situation, learning how to express our physical affection for another in a loving way, and being able to put the brakes on it when it gets too fast.

    I am also very troubled by his prescription of scanning yourself obsessively for any sign of lust, then confessing it -- all of it, every detail -- to someone else for "accountability." This is a sure way to lose sight of God, to get so focused on the details that you miss the greater picture of His love and His forgiveness -- and His delight in our own sexuality. From a psychological perspective, Harris' "advice" is extremely dangerous to certain personality types. I've spent a great deal of time with people who suffer from anxiety disorders, specifically obsessive-compulsive disorder, and who have been greatly scarred by extreme religous beliefs that promote such relentless, pitiless self-scrutiny. It has made them prisoners of their own minds and their own guilt. We need to remember that God forgives us far more readily than we ourselves do. If there's anything I've learned from these experiences with anxiety and OCD sufferers, it's that sometimes, letting ourselves off the hook for our own humanity is the best way to love and serve God unreservedly.

    I'll pray for all those who are struggling with their sexuality. I know it isn't easy. But please, remember God's love, and find a balance....more info

  • A good read for anyone
    For those that struggle with these types of issues, I wholly recommend this book. It is written in a way that relates to most of us. Do yourself a big favor and pick up a copy, you will not regret it!!!...more info
  • Are the Reviewers Qualified?
    Note that the the reviewers who did not like this book (with the exception of one) all stem from a psychological perspective that teaches that man is a "sexual being" as though this means that lust is not wrong. In psychology lust isn't. THere is no sin in psychology except the sin of not obtaining happiness and self fulfillment. The people who had a problem with it obviously felt condemned because they wish to justify certain actions the book condemns that they most likely practice and/or approve of. One cannot deny the Biblical and Orthodox nature of the book. We are spiritual beings, not sexual beings, in that that is our primary nature. Are we going to lose our humanity in eternity because we're not desiring sex? Harris is simply trying to (as the Bible does) preserve our spiritual focus over our sexual/temporal desires. Everything should be evaluated Biblically, but by someone who can interpret the Bible according to the way the Church has been interpreting it from the beginning(otherwise everyone will just use the Bible to justify his or her own opinion). If you want a book that's going to tell you to do whatever you want because God's love and forgiveness makes Him apathetic toward sin; and you want the book to justify and validate your warped practices, then this is not the book for you. Watch MTV or read a "christian" psychology book instead. But if you want something that honors God and has a spiritual view of man rather than a materialist/animalistic view of man, then this a good read for you.
    A note for the reviewer before is that Wallace did not refute Harris on the Matt 5:30 passage. He simply offered an interpretation (and added words to the text to do it by the way). The conditional marker can be taken as Harris indicates and has always been by the CHurch. The Eph 5:3 comment is probably splitting hairs. Overall, this book is much better than anything else I've seen out there on dating, since most of them simply take the existing cultural standards and "christianize" them in an effort to sound more conservative than their more liberal counterparts. The Bible however needs to be our standard, not the 1950's or 80's for that matter....more info
  • Incredible approach to dealing with lust
    I started read Not Even a Hint yesterday, and ended up reading the entire book yesterday. It's only a two or three hour read, but provides some incredibly useful insights into dealing with the lust that we al feel as people. Being a male, I knew that this book would have a lot of insights that would speak directly to my struggles with lust, but what surprised me were his advice for females that he gives as well. The mere fact that lust wasn't just a male problem was new to me, primarily because I haven't talked to any females about it. The entire premise of this book is simply amazing. It offers insights on a subject that is certainly universal among men, and at least wide-spread among women. It's a must read for anyone who has ever struggled with lust of any form in their lives. Read this book....more info
  • Surprising...
    I found myself surprisingly enjoying this book. Timing in which I read books probably should be given into account as well though. I read it as I have been struggling with the expectations of myself in terms of sexuality as someone who is training to be an ordained minister. I don't know if I would recommend it to everyone, because I think that our humanity and sexuality is a gift from God. I don't like how sexuality is demonized within the realm of Chrisitanity sometimes, that is why I give this book four stars instead of five. However I would recommend it to people do want to change after having a history of being sexually active outside of marriage. I think that Harris takes a very strong Christ against culture approach in this book, which is not for everybody. Honestly, frequently these kinds of books make me angry but the way Harris framed this argument was really helpful to me at this point in time as I am considering what it might truly take for me to lead a life of chastity. The only other argument I think I really found convicing on this topic would be Richard Foster's in his chapter on chastity in Celebration of Disciplines....more info
  • Don't wait, get this book today!
    If you are someone that is struggling with lust or if you have in the past, which probably would include the majority of us, then I would highly recommend that you pick up this book. Joshua Harris writes a straight-forward and practical book on what is the proper view of sex, the nature of what lust is, and our only hope for overcoming it. In this lust-saturated world, Harris is not condemning sex, nor our sex-drives. We should thank God for our sex-drives. The problem is not with our sexuality but with how we use it. We have gone astray from God's command in order to seek pleasure in the wrong way. The problem with lust is that we desire the forbidden because we do not trust that God has something better. Joshua Harris does a nice job of challenging us to believe that God has something better, and that by God's strength we can have victory over lust. But please beware, Harris is calling us to live up to God's standard for sexual purity, which is "not even a hint". This will challenge many of us, but it is a challenge we must be willing to embrace if we truly seek to honor God....more info
  • The pleasures of God vs. the fleeting pleasures of sin...
    Most of the reviewers have hit upon some of the main things that makes this great. Yet some reviewers accuse Josh Harris of borderline legalism because of the steps he has personally taken to properly handle his lust problem (and some examples from others who are fighting this sin). As a young man who, like Harris, is weak in this area, struggling with legalistic attitudes on one side and full-blown licentiousness on the other, this book has been a breath of fresh air, a glass of cool, clear water. While it does offer practical advice, Harris is not so arrogant as to claim that this is the one-size-fits-all practical guide to lust.

    First, he points out a group of young people who would fast if one of the group looked at internet pornography. Instead of praising this method, Harris is disappointed and points out that One has already paid the punishment for every sin we have and will commit. To make other people "pay" for your sin is to deny the sufficiency of the atonement of Christ. He says: "If you were to use the practical ideas I'm about to share with you as a legalistic set of guidelines, not only would it be displeasing to God, but you wouldn't change. Your behavior might change for a while, but your heart wouldn't change." (p. 50) And regarding his friend that stayed outside the video store, was he saying it was right for everyone to do so? By no means! His friend had recognized the areas that caused him to lose sight of Christ, and for that time in his life, video stores were a struggle. This is vastly different than telling everyone, "So, like my friend, you shouldn't go into video stores, either."

    This is exactly it: Have we really tasted of God to the degree that we want nothing less than satisfaction in Him? What I loved most was his chapter on the sword of the Spirit, adapted from John Piper's book, Future Grace. Truly, the only way to break the power of lust in our lives is to taste and see that the LORD is good (Psalm 34:8). When you taste of the Fountain of Living Waters, the broken cisterns of lust cannot compare (Jer 2:12-13). This chapter alone is worth the price of the book.

    Overall, if you struggle with lust in one form or another as I do, I would, along with John Piper, commend this book for your soul. It correctly identifies how we can turn our fight against lust into legalism, and also how we tend to treat it as "no big deal." So let us also lay aside *every* weight, and the sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us (Heb. 12:1), because the pure in heart, dear reader, the pure in heart will see GOD (Matt 5:8)....more info

  • Much common sense - some quirky notions
    I have to admit that I agreed with much of what Joshua has written in this book. I would recommend it to young poeple in my church youth group. However, as with all issues that are dealt with in books WE need to do the hard work of seeing if these things be so in the Bible. As one reviewer has complained I also would like to see some more indepth exegesis, but then many young poeple might not read it. After reading it I was a little confused as to the place of God's grace and the work of the Holy Spirit and our effort. Joshua needed to spend a little more time on that issue as I have found that a lack of clear teaching on this issue (sanctification) is what leads to the emotional problems that some of the reviewers have mentioned. I would recommend young poeple to read "The Enemy Within" by Kris Lungard to get another angle on the whole issue of indwelling sin....more info
  • Not Even A Hint
    After hearing what a great book this was from a friend, I decided to pick up a copy and read it for myself. Never had I read so much material that shares the truth about lust straightforward. Joshua Harris has been blessed by the Father with the gift of breaking down lust and showing you what a major impact it can have on our lives. Lust can be born in the most unimaginable ways--this book greatly helps those who are struggling to fight this sin. I recommend this book for anyone hungry for a book dealing with lust that's backed up by so much of the Truth....more info
  • Not even an Hint
    Awesome book that addresses my struggles and how to deal with it.
    Highly recommended to both single and married couple.
    Loved it ...more info
  • The best book on lust I've ever read
    This is a powerful book on dealing with sexual temptation. Joshua Harris does a fantastic job of setting every man's battle in its proper biblical and theological context. He is not soft on sin, but neither does he lead one to discouragement or despair. He understands that a right relationship with God is by grace through faith alone, but he knows that the faith which justifies also sanctifies. He is candid and honest, yet remains discreet, writing a book which is appropriate for and targeted to both men and women. He avoids setting hard and fast rules, advocating that we develop "a custom-tailored plan" for fighting against lust, but he provides plenty of practical ideas about how to make progress. He addresses sensitive issues (like masturbation) as well as cultural issues (like media and dress). Best of all, he encourages open accountability ("lone rangers are dead rangers") and provides an excellent chapter on how to fight the lying promises of lust with the true and satisfying promises of God. Drawing on the wisdom of John Piper's Future Grace, and C. J. Mahaney's The Cross-centered Life, this is one of the best books on sanctification I've seen, and the best book on the particular subject of sexual temptation I've ever read. I highly recommend this to both men and women, single or married. Thanks, Josh for sharing your heart with us....more info
  • Grace in Action
    This book is a must read. It does not get all deep on a person. Harris just gives a simple biblical solution to a serious problem. The way he writes it really allows you to understand and embrace the grace of God. Of course one should always have the Word of God as a foundation in reading this book. But ultimately this is a good book and it was a tremendous blessing to me. Harris told it like it is.
    God bless Him...more info
  • This is not just your ordinary lust book
    This book targets sin issues from the core and why they are bad. I would recommend this to any follower of Christ....more info
  • Sex is not the problem (Lust is)
    It was in fantastic condition. Reading it changed the way I think about some things....more info
  • Great book for men and women of God...
    My brother recommended this book to me when we were on a trip. I read through it in no time because of the helpful information inside it that applies to godly men AND women's lifestyles in the 21st century.

    Mr. Harris stresses on the facts of necessity of accountability and the understand of the grace of God to be freed from the lust in our society today.

    He tries to refrain from going into detail on the stories about other peoples experiences in their problem(s), which makes this book much easier to read if you have a wondering thought process that gets you into trouble.

    I enjoyed this book tremendously and it has opened my eyes in more ways to keep pure for Christ....more info
  • Not Even A Hint Of Lust shall be in our lives
    So whats this book about you want to ask, lust, simple as that, but the book goes deeper than that. It shows us every little hint of lust. So now your thinking this must be a guy's book, NO!, Girls lust too, but maybe you just don't know it. This book opens up a new door of getting rid of lust without throwing bible verses at you and saying that "it's bad". They show to get through it. It does have a section with some bible verses for you to remember in your times of struggle. It shows that a lot people deal with the same issues that people struggle with like masturbation, pornography, and lusting with your eyes with lots more but shows you no matter how hard they are going to bed, with Jesus it is possible, and then Jesus loves you and forgives. I recommend this book to all of you. For alot of this is on tons of peoples hearts....more info
  • Sex Is Not the Problem, Lust Is
    A very good book. The best part of it were the Scriptures that one can claim to answer the lies that it is so easy for us to tell ourselves. This was a very practical book....more info
  • Finally the Topic is Broached Properly
    I believe this book ought to be read rather than Every Young Man's Battle. This book is cleaner (no unneeded lude descriptions), it makes solid points, it is directed at both men and women, and it stays close to scripture all the way through. This book will get the legalism out of your battle with lust, and remind you that a biblical battle with lust will always have desiring Christ and a closer walk with Him who has already declared christians righteous despite their struggles and failures at the center of it....more info
  • Best Yet!
    Best treatment of the topic I've read to date. This book is much more concise and structured than other books on the topic. In my opinion, Harris's perspective is much more helpful than, for example, that of the Every Man's Battle series. He writes sensitively, not giving too explicit of stories (cf Every Man's), while constantly turning the focus from the "do nots" of lust to the proper view of biblical sexuality. Far too often, we as Christians dwell on prohibitions while never exploring the rich blessings and provisions of our God (don't get me wrong--we cannot forget the prohibitions either). Lets remember that Satan enticed man to sin by turning the focus from God's provision, a garden full of trees, to the prohibition of the two trees in the center of the garden. While "do nots" are still perfectly clear in Harris's book, the focus on a biblical concept of sexuality is prominent.

    Another plus to Harris's book is that it offers help for both male and females. Most books on the topic are limited in their scope to one gender (eg male). The inclusion of females in this book actually helps readers of both genders since understanding the other gender helps us understand our own. As we understand the battle from both ends of the spectrum, we understand our personal place in that spectrum better as well.

    (this review is for "Sex is Not the Problem...", not "Not Even a Hint")...more info
  • Only One of Its Kind
    While there are many books available on sexual sin and purity, I haven't read a book specifically on lust until now. In this easy-to-read title, Josh Harris offers Biblically-based, culturally-relevant advice for this sin of the heart and mind. Rather than seeming holier-than-thou or clinical, the author makes himself very vulnerable, accepting and encouraging readers who may be struggling. I recommend this book highly without reservation -- it's the only one of its kind of which I am aware....more info
  • the only book I've finished this year
    This book is not just for the guys! Ladies, you too will be impacted by what Josh has to say. He's veeeery honest about his struggles, and offers practical, Biblical advice for guarding your heart against lust and preparing it for something much better--holiness! Wa-hoo! This book is a fast read that cuts through the ceremony and gets to the meat of the issue. And the cover's pretty, too!...more info
  • As with the rest of his works, BE CAREFUL!
    One must be aware that Joshua Harris is not a scholar, not an exegete, and most definately not trained to engage in these issues. First, the very title of the book is based on one translation [the NIV] of Ephesians 5:3. This translation is not found in any other translation I am aware of. Other errors are assuming that when Jesus says we are to cut off our hand if it offends us, he means we must be ready to take "drastic action." This interpretation was fully refuted by Daniel Wallace in "Greek Grammar Beyond the Basics" P.693. He also refers us back to his first two books in which he discusses concepts such as "direction of purity" have been responded to well by Cloud and Townsend in "Boundaries in Dating." The problem with Joshua Harris is to this day he will not honestly dialogue with anyone capible of responding to him. He has not dialogued with anyone on the level of a Daniel Wallace, D.A. Carson, Bruce Metzger, Craig Bloomberg, Kenneth Barker, William Mounce, or [although he is dead] F.F. Bruce. To my knowledge, none of these people have ever given support to Joshua Harris and his work. It is easy to see why when Joshua Harris is unaware of the facts I mentioned above, and refuses do engage in scholarly dialogue on the subject. In fact, I have found that his points will often times disappear if one simply goes to another translation. Hence, sometimes linguistic study is not necessary.
    However, I have given the book two stars for a reason. There are some good things in it. Things such as disposing of things like underwear catalogues, and dirty movies because God has told us to think on whatever is good and noble [Philippians 4:8]. However, one must use wisdom and discernment when reading his books ignoring emotionalism and things which may have the appearance of wisdom but are actually folly [Colossians 2:20-23]. Make Joshua Harris prove every point from scripture, and hold him to the highest standards of biblical interpretation. Then you will be able to get the best from this book....more info
  • Kiss your sexuality goodbye, too!
    Since, as I expect, those most likely to read this book are those most likely to agree wholeheartedly with its perspective, I am not surprised that it has received so few negative reviews. Let's be honest: with "Not Even a Hint," Joshua Harris is essentially preaching to the choir.

    This book is a bundle of contradictions. Reading it leads me to the very sad conclusion that, if Joshua Harris' view of lust is indeed God's view, then our sexuality is surely not a "gift" from God, as we Christians say that we believe, but instead a cruel joke, a "limbo" bar of righteousness set so impossibly low that no one can pass under it and still stand. Mr. Harris' teaching on lust, as I have concluded, comes down to this: in order to avoid lust, a person has to extinguish not only the occasionally raging fires of sexual desire, but also the smoldering embers of sexuality from which they came. It also makes me wonder how he met, dated, and eventually married his wife without committing the sin of lust over and over again! Judging by his standard of "not even a hint," continual lust would have been almost impossible to avoid!

    His advice to Christians is, as he would argue, a prescription for "purity" and "holiness;" in fact, I believe that it is a prescription for increased feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing, with little more than a hint of the grace, mercy, and forgiveness that he promises.

    In contrast, many single Christians are, I believe, desperate for some good news about their sexuality, something more than what has been described as the "condoning-condemning" message of the church; unfortunately, this book is not it. If anything, "Not Even a Hint" only reinforces the confusion and frustration created by the sex-is-good/sex-is-bad mentality. It may be worth reading, if only to satisfy a curiosity about what Harris, and the many who follow his lead, really believe on this issue. As an encouraging and constructive affirmation of sexuality for Christians, however, it falls far short of the mark. ...more info
  • Hit-and-Miss
    For the first 100 pages of this book, I couldn't put it down! Mr. Harris elegantly defines healthy sexuality and also separates it from self-destructive lust. With respect to definitions and differentiation, this book is a great read, with countless insights into Biblical sexuality (focusing on self-respect, respecting others, the purposes of sex, etc...).

    However, after the first 100 pages or so, Mr. Harris assumes the responsibility of helping us apply biblical principles about sexuality to our everyday lives. Here's where things went downhill....
    I'm not sure how Mr. Harris can expect his readers to relate to anyone aside from each other if they followed all of his advice in this book. The "Bubble-Life" is the only way I can think to describe his application of biblical sexuality to our lives. It's almost as if I would hire an over-protective nanny to shelter me from all of the revealing pictures of women in stores/on shelves, dirty songs on the radio, and summertime clothing of 99% of young American women.

    So, Mr. Harris, you receive three stars for your great and unforgettable contrasts between healthy sexuality and destructive lust. Really, much of this book is unforgettable (especially if this is the first book on the matter that you've read).
    However, you fail to attain the last two stars because of your implausible, impractical, laughable, nearly unbelievable anecdotes (really, there's no need to panic when JC Penny catalogs arrive in the mail), your similarly fruitless stories about your friends (no harm ever came to anyone by walking through the video store).
    I prefer to confront lust and defeat it, rather than hide from it and deprive myself of modern American (international, even) culture and friendships....more info
  • In Good Condition
    The cds are in excellent condition. They were wrapped and everything, just like new!...more info
  • Every Christian should read this book!
    This is the most concise, relatable and least judgemental book I have ever read on this topic! Josh Harris hits the nail on the head as he explains (to both men AND women) God's biblical plans for sex and marriage. He inspires us and gives us hope, as well as the tools to deal with lust and ungodly desires in a world full of temptation and where immorality runs rampant. He is brave enough to take a true Christian's stand and to share from his personal struggles and triumphs. He gives us tons of practical advice as well. I appreciate his advice on how to deal with the often overtly sexual media that bombards us every day, especially movies and tv shows. Every unmarried Christian should read this, and I'm certain there are married ones who could benefit from Josh's lessons as well. I have already bought copies for some of my friends!...more info
  • Same book as "Not Even a Hint"
    I think Joshua Harris did a great job with his "Not Even a Hint" book, which is why I turned to this one for further insight... However I found (upon reading the first page!) that it's pretty much the same exact book as "Not Even a Hint" so although this book is probably great, since "Not Even a Hint" was great, don't bother with this one if you've read the other. Compare the tables of content online if you don't believe me! ...more info
  • Not sure what to believe
    I'm not really sure what to think about this book. Joshua Harris is not a doctor, and Christians reading this book should not take this book as the absolute bottom line manual on lust. Yes, I believe there is a big problem today toward lust and sex outside of marriage. I am a 33-year old Christian male still waiting for a marriage partner before engaging in a sexual relationship. So Josh, what am I supposed to do buddy? It's easy for him to tell me not to lust for women when he is a married man. His advice is to get married. I'm trying Josh, but not having a whole lot of luck right now. So what am I to do, not have even a hint of lust in me because it's sinful? Don't masterbate? How do I deal with lust in a healthy manner? The thing that scares me about this book is that it seemingly takes the human factor outside of sexuality. Humans are animals, it's just a manner of how we deal with our sex drives. Some of the stories that Harris goes into in this book are funny, almost silly. For instance, he tells of going to rent a video with a friend of his who is too ashamed of even going into the video store with him because he feels he can't control himself enough to not lust after the pretty ladies on the covers of the videos. Harris has to resort to bringing a video title to the window for his friend to approve of. I guess his friend had to give him a thumbs up or a thumbs down on the title. Give me a break! His buddy must be pretty weak-minded! I guess his friend should just stay home in bed with his teddy bear and the covers pulled up over his head! God forbid he venture outside of the house, he might see an attractive young lady in a mini skirt on a summer day and "lust" after her. He also tells of being at a preachers house to watch the Super Bowl. The preacher flips the channel to CSPAN during the commercials so that the other guys watching the game don't see the racy commercials with the ladies in them and "lust" after them. How weak-minded can you be? I would much rather masterbate and deal with my lust in that manner that have it build up to unhealthy levels that lead me to sin sexually, but that's just me. I am hopeful that God will lead me to a marriage partner and baby hopefully before I turn 40, but what if he doesn't? Am I supposed to never lust sexually for a woman and deny that I am human being as well as a Christian? Yes, I am a Christian, but am I not supposed to have animalistic instincts toward sex as well? I'm not sure I can recommend this book. I checked this book out from my church's library, so at least I didn't buy it. Maybe it can be beneficial to some people, but I wouldn't take everything in it that Harris says as the final word. I would talk to my doctor or see a professional counselor before taking a lot of Harris' advise. Just my opinion. ...more info
  • Great, great book!
    I got some pretty weird looks when I told people how excited I was about a book about lust, but this book covers a lot more than just battling lust. It talks about the fundamentals--our relationship with God. I highly recommend this book!!...more info
  • Simple and AMAZING!
    This book is a wonderful must have for any teen or pre-teen. What am I saying! ANYONE with a problem with lust and sexual sin. Joshua Harris has taken what so many drag through the gutter to explain and put it into Biblical terms. The word masturbation appears in the book but no explanation as to what it is, how it is done, what exactly you think about or how it feels. I say this because I got a Focus on the Family book that I thought would be helpful. I got a younger than my son one thinking it would have less detail. Not the case! The Focus on the Family book uses parents as an example and went into some detail that I KNOW would have made our son cringe! What kid wants to think of their dad feeling up their mom!!?? So, I hesitated to get another book, especially after reading the first few pages of this one on-line and seeing the word masturbation. I thought....here we go again another sexually frustrated Christian writing a book!! This is NOT the case with Not Even A Hint. The book is one that anyone can read and understand. Joshua Harris uses the Word of God to explain why this is wrong and what damage "harmless" lust can cause for yourself, your future, and your future relationships. My son and husband are going through this book and the workbook for guys together and discussing the topics. Mr. Harris explains the difference between the sex God intended for us to enjoy as husband and wife and the lust that Satan has out there to destroy that. I highly recommend this book for boys, girls, women, and men of all ages. It is a must have especially in today's world! ...more info
  • another great book by josh harris
    Well if you want a straight up book..here it is. NO questions asked. This book lays it out there for ya. This book is so important to read... our world is so caught up in the lies about sex. But the truth is always going to be the truth even if no one else believes it... Sex outside of marriage is going to hurt! whether you admit it or not. This book gets specific on how to keep pure, what you need to be doing, what's going on in the opposite sexs' mind and how you can help that. If your struggling with bad habits that your ashamed to admit and know you need help.. here it is. Harris helps us understand why wait, and gets specific on how we need get rid of the lust in our lives.. it will ruin you if you don't do whats right!...more info
  • Greater glory and pleasure in God
    Another great book by Josh Harris. We battle lust by keeping our eyes on the greater glory and pleasure God offers us through purity in our single and married lives.

    I like how he addresses the way in which men and women struggle differently with lust. That difference is the result of a twisting of the differences God built into us. God made men and women to complement and provide companionship for each other through our differences. Harris points out that remembering this good thing will help us put sin in its place....more info
  • Good, but ...
    This book is quite good, but not perfect. You should read "Every man's battle" by Stephen Arterburn.

    Those two books complement each other and you need to read the other one if you want a whole perspective. However, If I'd have to choose one of them, I prefer Stephen's one. ...more info
  • If you like Joshua Harris, you'll love this.
    For any who are fans of Joshua's earlier two books, they will not find themselves disappointed with his third. Taking a different perspective, Joshua takes what would normally constitute a chapter in his earlier works and makes an entire book on the subject - and he carries it well. In true Joshua Harris style, it is complete with helpful anectodes, strategies, and guidelines. ...more info
  • Essential Addition to the Church Book Table


    Haven't we all experienced the guilt and shame that comes from an unclean thought or act? The cycle of promises or vows, followed by failure, then shame, and sometimes despair, keeps us from experiencing the joy we ought to have in Christ. At times it even keeps us from him.

    If you struggle in any way with lust, even occasionally, let me recommend Joshua Harris's little book. If you don't struggle with lust in any way, I still recommend this book to you. And if you have teenagers or young adults in your life, or if you are involved with a youth group at church, please put your money to good use and buy them this book. Churches that are serious about sexual purity ought to have copies that people can take without charge.

    Don't fool yourself by thinking that the youth group at your church is above such a thing. Workers from a Christian youth ministry report that the most common struggle among Christian teenagers, both boys and girls, is pornography and lust. Yet these are issues that most teenagers don't want to discuss with you, regardless of how open you think they are. So buy the book for them.

    Joshua Harris deals with the issue of sexual sin in an honest but clean way. His writing is easy to understand--clear and straightforward. And the practical advice he offers is Christ centered rather than legalistic or humanistic. The theology is sound; the book is full of grace.

    For those who are struggling, there's help and encouragement in this book. For those who aren't, there are ways to help those who are. (Josh even discusses how our actions and appearance encourage lust in others). Don't think this book is just for teenagers. Joshua has something for all of us, as every good pastor should. ...more info
  • A Different Kind of Purity Book
    Most books on purity operate on the assumption that men are sex crazed animals and that women dont struggle with lust at all. Such pigeonholing is all too typical in these types of studies, which makes Not Even A Hint a different kind of book.

    Instead of being solely directed at men, it delineates lust as a human problem, not just a male problem, and poignantly tells the feminine side of the story. Instead of plunging you into meaningless psychobabble or a list of dos and donts, it elevates the gospel as the means of overcoming the issue and living in the freedom of grace.

    Harris touches on a number of issues with brevity and even gingerly deals with the subject of masturbation in a surprisingly approachable and readable way. He also reflects on the thorny issues of mens and womens differences and similarities, clothing, common temptations, accountability, and even a "game plan." This is the kind of book I wouldn't mind reading again. Most books on this subject are a bear, and I usually cant wait to be done with them.

    Though at times he seems a bit prudish (a la I Kissed Dating Goodbye) the "Josh-Harris-boogeyman" that allegedly exhorts men not to talk to women, and encourages women to wear burlap sacks wherever they go is quickly dispelled after only a few pages of very humble and honest writing about a rather touchy subject.

    ...more info
  • Practical, Bible-centered methods to fight lust for both men and women
    I got this book looking for ideas on how to share the topic of lust with our youth group. What I found was a very practical, Biblically-centered, and informative approach on how both men and women can tackle the immense problem of lust. I quickly found myself realizing that this book was not only good enough for our youth group, but for me, and even for our entire congregation. This will definitely be a future topic in our ministry, both to the teens and to the adults.

    I like this book. Harris is not afraid to say what needs to be said. You know that he is like the "rest of us" because as you read the book, you find yourself thinking .. yes I've thought that before ... oh my I did that too ... good grief, is he reading my mind?

    Mr. Harris offers some very simple ideas (but not necessarily easy ones) for combating lust in our lives. For example, he asks the reader to take stock as to when and where lust strikes so that we can understand how the problem occurs and how to take steps to fight it. He uses the Bible to show not only the dangers of lust, but also to show solutions to the problem. The book does not offer a "formula" that will help you win the fight. But Mr. Harris expertly points out just how society is permeated with lustful images and innuendos. And like it or not, these things influence and de-sensitize us to the real problems of lust.

    The book is a very light read; you could put this one away in one sitting. But you might just find yourself going through it many times because there is a lot of practical advice and strategy to be learned. The book is highly recommended for both men and women, married or single alike. It could just be one of the most important books you will read for a long time.
    ...more info
  • Grace oriented
    I'm so thankful for this book. When I read this book I didn't finish with a weight of condemnation but a greater love for the cross and the Saviour. Josh clearly makes it not about sex but about LUST the sin of putting your desire in something other then God. I know in my own heart I often respond to lust in my life to think that I can't even notice a pretty girl.. "It's not lust to be attracted to someone or notice that he or she is good looking." Its all about letting creation point you back to the creator, not yourself.

    Thank you Joshua. After my first experience with I kissed dating goodbye I knew we had a gifted author in the making. Each book he has written continues to direct me more and more back to the cross and to the life of Jesus and what he accomplished.

    I recommend this book to everyone, no matter what stage of life you are in....more info

  • Getting to the Core of the Battle of Lust
    There are a ton of books out there written to men, written on the issue of lust. But none do it better than Joshua Harris. Harris is one of my very favorite authors, because he tackles difficult subjects with a mixture of grace and truth.

    This book really gets to the heart of the struggle against lust. Joshua does provide practical ways to battle lust, but those are at the end of the book. The most important part of the book is the beginning, where Josh shares the heart of the matter, that God has set up an impossible standard of holiness, that we can't possibly reach. God has done this so we might realize our frailty and then depend upon Him. God can only work through us in weakness.

    This is a great book, because it will empower you to stop trying to win this battle on your own, to walk in the Spirit of God and enjoy the pleasures of following God's way. ...more info
  • Excellent resource for combating lust in everyday life
    Lust: craving sexually what God has forbidden

    Everyone fights with lust and in this country we are constantly bombarded with temptation at every turn. As a Christian we have a desire to fight this, but so often we fail no matter what we try. Time and time again. There are those who try to go the legalistic route and draw lines that they try not to cross, but sooner or later all of those things fail, because we are all sinful by nature. Josh really does a great job of refocusing on the real problems and opening our eyes to all of the areas lust slips into our lives.

    This book is an excellent resource for directing us towards Christ for the strength and ability to truly fight lust. We just don't have that ability within ourselves. However, through Christ we can. It's not easy and there is no "one size fits all" approach to fighting the lust in your life. Anything we try to accomplish on our own is doomed to fail because we are all simply too sinful. But through humility and dependence on God, we can start winning those daily skirmishes and then larger battles and in so doing truly place our lives in God's hands to use for His glory. Sexual purity is something only God can bring about in our lives.

    One of the great things about this book is that it embraces sexuality as a gift from God. This is a very positive book. There is no attempt at shaming us into purity. We all have enough shame from the lust in our lives as it is. Some even have shame to a degree that it impacts the beauty and goodness of how God creates us all to be. Our innate sexuality just needs to be something we save for later, when it is healthy and pure in God's eyes. It also doesn't drag us through the muck by talking about temptations in an explicit way that would just lead to temptation. Neither does it gloss over temptations or our "lust traps" in a way that is so ambiguous that the reader doesn't benefit.

    While the language used is earnest and direct, it is not explicit. If any of you have read other Joshua Harris books, you know what to expect. For that reason, I think this book is appropriate for anyone from high-school age on. If you are a parent reading this, I highly encourage you to read the book first and give it to your child when you think it's appropriate. Use your discernment. There's a good chance you'll benefit from the reading yourself. If you are at any age or stage in life and looking at this review, there is probably a reason behind that, some battle you are fighting. Get the book and read it with a mind focused on Christ.

    One more (major) thing. While lust is commonly misperceived as a male-predominant issue, this is not the case. And this book is equally valuable to ANYONE who battles with lust, women included. Josh makes that clear and does not address lust in a way that excludes girls in any way and even directly discusses some of the different ways in which lust creeps into womens' lives.

    Somehow Joshua Harris has walked the fine, fine line and created a very positive book tackling an extremely difficult and pervasive issue in a way that is both eye-opening and extremely beneficial for anyone who earnestly desires to fight lust in their daily lives. Excellent book. ...more info
  • Christianity affects all of life
    This book is a very nice read. It is very concise and makes the reader want to keep reading.

    As far as content, I was proud of my fellow brother in Christ to take such a hard Biblical stand against lust. The world thinks that it is ok, but God does not.

    It is time that we as Christians take stock in our personal lives and see if we are living, "...being conformed to this world's pattern, or being transformed by the renewing of your mind." Rom. 12:2

    I was impressed with Joshua's dealings with this subject and his slam against legalism. If there is one thing I hate is a false righteousness, and Harris makes sure that the reader understand that this righteousness does not come from us, but from Christ.

    Not only that, but he makes sure that we understand that it is our love for God because of what He has done for us that is to motivate us to good works.

    Youth today are being attacked by the world, and so many in the Christian circle say its okay to have a little lust, but I would rather see what God has to say in his holy and inerrant word, keep yourselves from all sexual immorality.

    Thanks Joshua for treating this subject so well....more info

 

 
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