More than half of all couples who become engaged this year will never make it to the altar. Why? Leading experts believe it’s because couples fail to really get to know their potential mate before getting engaged. Relationship expert and noted couples counselor Norm Wright steers potential brides and grooms through a series of soul–searching questions to discern if they’ve really met “the One.”
Couples will be much more confident about whether or not to pursue marriage after completing these in–depth and personal questions. Norm also addresses the delicate subject of calling off the wedding if readers discover that a potential mate isn’t actually meant to be a life partner.
Good questions--Introduction is a little uneven Many of the questions in this book are excellent tools for getting to know your significant other better, as you are contemplating marriage to that person.
The introduction, however, is basically a list of reasons not to get married, with little balance on the other end. For instance, the author quotes Rachel Safier, who wrote a book about women who called off their weddings(There Goes the Bride: Making Up Your Mind, Calling it Off and Moving On ). Safier's book is really popular with women who want confirmation that they did or are doing the right thing in dissolving their relationships; it's pretty one-sided in that way, as are many relationship books. But for people who have a fear of commitment due to family history or other causes, all this does (and all Safier's book does) is provide them with additional reasons to avoid marriage and commitment. Basically, the idea is if you don't feel absolutely certain, then you should dissolve the relationship. He even says something to effect of, if I haven't scared you away by now, then congratulations! Maybe this is because so many couples get engaged when they are still newly infatuated with each other, and not as worried about or simply blinded to the other person's character, background, lifestyle, personality, habits, etc.
Ironically, the author even addresses the fact that some readers may be afraid of commitment later in the book, and he suggests that answering some of the questions may prove helpful in diminishing those fears. But, he should have addressed when he mentioned the reasons to not move forward. It's called balance.
Are there red flags in relationships? Absolutely. He discusses abuse and other potential warning signs that one should look out for. I find his commentary -- apart from that in the introduction-- allows for unique differences between couples/individuals. But occasionally, he writes in a way that suggests that there is only one right way to do something --praying together--for instance. That sort of thing could potentially lead someone to hold his/her partner up to an unfair/unrealistic or rigid standard.
I think that Oliver should save the red flag discussion until the end of the book, so that couples can think about what they've learned through these questions and weigh them against the warning signs. And while he's writing about reasons not to get married, he should also write about when a couple should be considering marriage, about what a healthy relationship looks like, the qualities of a good marriage, and some of the questions/doubts/fears that some experience when contemplating such a big step. Above all, he should encourage couples to go for premarital counseling to address their individual situation instead of hoping to find all of the answers in a book written for large audience....more info
Very good I recommend this for any christian couple, no matter where they are in their dating/courting relationship. It raised some excellent questions for my girlfriend and me that we probably wouldn't have thought to ask otherwise, and it was a very healthy thing for our relationship. If you're honest and willing to have open eyes with your partner, these questions can reveal some very important details about your significant other that you may not have otherwise noticed, and if nothing else, it can help you two to prepare for the idea of getting engaged. I highly recommend it!...more info
Books brand new, arrived quickly I ordered two of these books and they came extremely fast. I would definately recommend the seller....more info
not just a walk in the park I think this book is an excellent one for couples who are serious about learning deeply personsonal things about eachother and really making sure they are right for eachother. The questions and explanations waste no time with being gentle or easing into things. They get right down into things and make for some very in depth conversations. Depending on the couple, some may be easier to answer than others but I think this book does a good job of covering a wide range of topics that one may not even think to ask about....more info
questions and answers Good smattering of questions to talk through with your potential fiance. I bought two of them - kept one for myself and sent the other to my boyfriend in Canada. We'll work through the questions together. It's definitely not a devotional or self-help book. Just a great collection of questions to go over while considering marriage. Good to go through them BEFORE any marriage plans are made. It's a tool to help you get to know each other better. ...more info
Great book every couple should read whether thinking about marriage or not This book is a really great book for multiple reasons.
First off, the introduction is really well written and will make you face any major issues head on. It suggests if there are certain warning signs or red flags in your relationship, it might not be a relationship to stay in. Both my girlfriend and I were surprised that everything listed as warning signs and red flags pretty much described all our past serious relationships (but luckily not ours! haha). We wished we had somebody spell it out to us so clearly back when we were in them! lol
Second, this book does exactly what you are expecting it to with the 101 questions. Every single question we've read has either started a very good conversation, enlightened us into how the other views something, or was something we've discussed at length before and if we hadn't would be an important topic to talk about.
Now I suggested in the title that this book is for every couple and not just for ones thinking of getting engaged or married. It can be elightening to couples who are casually dating and want some interesting conversation topics, or couples who are getting ready to get engaged or married. Couples who are just dating will learn more about their significant other and see if it really is somebody they want to stay with. For couples who are getting engaged or married it can help work through alot of issues before the stress of being married is added into the mix.
All in all, to me it is a definite read to any couple and I will be suggesting it to all my friends and family....more info
Great book for serious couples In my opinion, this book is fabulous. It has allowed my boyfriend and I to discuss some really important topics that may have never just "come up" in daily conversations. I appreciate the comments at the end of each question. They are helpful and add depth to the discussions. It is definitely not a "feel good" relationship book. Instead it is for serious couples that are ready to delve into serious topics such as family history, finances, pornography, children, and past relationships to just name a few. ...more info
Great Book! This is a great book and I received it in perfect condition. Just like I would have purchased it new in a bookstore but much cheaper. Thanks...more info
GREAT conversation starter! The authors have done an excellent job with the questions/topics in this book! We've talked about most of the questions in a round about way, but we've deceided to write (there's space, we assumed for writing) our answers in and many times there is a different point thrown in that we end up talking about the rest of the evening!
Good discussion starters This book was shared by a couple considering engagement. Both said the questions were helpful and thought provoking, although simple enough to do 10 questions at a sitting.
They both felt this was an excellent "Book One" in premarital discussions, and would like to see a more in-depth follow-up that has more scripture and deeper discussion and how-to guides on major issues such as finances, children, and spiritual growth and leadership....more info