Mars and Venus in the Bedroom
Mars and Venus in the Bedroom

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Product Description

Can you keep the fires of passion burning?

Men and women have very different physical needs. But Dr. John Gray explains how both can make small but important adjustments in their attitudes, schedules, and techniques so that their partners are happy in the bedroom -- and outside of it.

Written with the understanding and unique insight that can come only from Dr. Gray, Mars and Venus in the Bedroom educate men and women on:

  • Advanced bedroom skills for great sex
  • The joys of quickies
  • Why couples are having less sex
  • Passionate monogamy
  • Sexual anatomy and oral sex
  • How to keep the magic of romance alive
  • And much more

Customer Reviews:

  • The book of books
    I am not affraid to say however many of you may be affraid to admit there is a lot of thought and truth to be found within these pages....more info
  • A reader from MN, USA
    At first I was astonished, thinking, certainly John Gray is joking. After finishing the book I am convinced this once excellent author perhaps should quit writing. It is so biased toward a woman doing everything for the man to make sure his poor little ego isn't bruised and his libido is satisfied. He occasionally mentions that once in a while it is okay for the woman to have an orgasm, although she many times doesn't want one. Excuse me???? Don't bother spending money on this one unless of course you want a good laugh....more info
  • Supercilious, chauvanistic drivel

    John Gray sees women as existing for the sole purpose of pleasuring men. According to him, there is NEVER a valid reason for a woman to refuse a man sex. He has even been known describe the act as the woman having sex for the man. No, not with, FOR.

    As a woman, I am livid beyond reason at Gray's sanctimonius, patronizing, and ill-advised babbling. Were I a man, I would be appalled and insulted at his garish illustration of men as grunting, uncontrollably hormonal beasts.

    Women, DON'T take these puerile ramblings as any sort of indication of your true place in a relationship. Men, remember that there is strength in reaching beyond your animal instincts and not in succumbing to them, as Gray would have you believe....more info

  • Educational
    I think the purpose of reading a book like this is for education and discussion. I believe it is a good book that brings up many insights into Male and Female behaviour. The book should best be shared with a partner. By expressing extremes of male and female sexuality it gives lots of scope for discussion whereby a couple can find their balance.
    I don't agree that the book presents women as sex objects for use by men. I believe it is one of the few books that actually admits and explains male sexuality so that men and women can *both* be fulfilled within a loving relationship.
    If you love your partner, male or female, then this is a good book with which to discuss sex....more info
  • A Therapist's Response
    As a marriage counselor, I have some real concerns about this book. Mr. Gray states many things as facts which are merely his opinion. He says women are only interested in and capable of orgasm some of the time. (He uses this to argue for quickies for men in which women are to receive no satisfaction). In truth many women, myself included are interested in having an orgasm in every sexual encounter as all men do. A quicky feels the same to us as sex without orgasm would feel to a man. His book is heavily biased by a male viewpoint. There are a few good ideas but too many dangerous ones....more info
  • John Gray understands women too well sometimes
    This book was extremely helpful, I believe more so for men than from women. Men are often confused as to what a woman wants in a relationship, especially when it comes to sex, and as a result, the majority of men turn out be very poor lovers. This book is a godsend - it tells men exactly some of the things theyre doing wrong, what a woman really means when she says something, and says things that women have tried to say to men but are unable to articulate it well or are too embarrassed to express it. I dont necessarily agree with it 100 percent, nobody should, and it wont help heal every sexual dysfunction a person may have, but, for the average person, this book is great....more info
  • Rubbish!
    Men and women have equal sex drives,deal with it!What makes us
    different is the constant shaming women get when they do indeed
    act sexual.If you have the word "slut" hanging over your head
    constantly it just might make you want to cling to romance in order to appear less sexual than a man.Gray generalizes,and not
    only generalizes but makes women out to be sexless objects there
    to please men and not themselves.
    He writes as though he has a great fear of men and women being
    equal in sex drive.His mysogamist views of women are
    In short what he says is,the woman only has to look nice for the man,and the man has to romance,begg and trick women into
    bed because women in his mind really don't want or need sex.
    ...more info
  • Are People Really This Lost?
    I've read Men's Health and for years been in a very sexually satisfying relationship. I checked this out of the local library curious to find some new information. While this book isn't terrible it is terribly basic. I didn't get the sense that men are portrayed as "conquerors" as other reviewers; it just seems that men are portrayed as clueless.

    Personally I didn't find anything I didn't already know, just in this volume it's dressed up a little bit presumably so Dr. Gray can sneak the word "dick" in to show us he's "getting real."...more info
  • Great for laughs
    I got it,
    and it has lots of great advice! I would recommend that it be read with a lard chunk of salt (in some sections).

    A couple of things made me LMAO and I had to share.

    1. He devotes 1 1/2 pages in telling a man how to deliver oral sex to a woman. And not very well either. He mentions the G-spot, but basically says "It would create preformance anxiety in the man if he kept trying to find it---so he won't get too technical" so he leaves it at that.

    Excuse me! I nearly dropped the book at this point (like, he could have devoted 10 pages to that alone).

    2. HOWEVER, he devotes 5 plus pages!!! on giving oral to a guy! Going into extreme, intricate detail of every millimeter of area to be covered.

    In reading this, there is no doubt about Dr. Gray's gender.

    His justification? Men like it better than women (erm, excuse me?! Was I asked???)

    3. He does this lingerie=mood chart that had me falling out of bed "If she is wearing black lace, it means she is in this kinda mood, if she is wearing white, it means she feels virginal, if she is in pink, it means she feels romantic."

    Again, WHAT? How about I look pretty dang good in black lack, the pink doesn't scratch and the white doesn't ride up. Maybe he is color blind.

    4. Oy, and don't get me started in the section about Quickies (I do agree to some point, but the reciprocal part isn't fair, balanced). Cuddles for a quickie? Where did he find these people! It came off as extremely cold blooded, with the woman lying there like a log being perfectly OK to the hubby (argh!) That alone would be a 'he needed a killin'' defense in a murder trial.

    All that aside, it does have some helpful pointers. Buy the book used....and cheap....more info

  • Now I Get It
    After 10 years of marriage I picked up John Gray's book and it explained so many things I had not understood about my husband's and my relationship. He explained things that other, more technical books on sex did not. Gray is right on, dead center. He definitely helped our marriage!...more info
  • This goes straight to the bin
    In which year was John Gray born, some time in 1870???

    I can't believe this book is for real. The intro is promising, but then it goes off on the premise that women are generally frigid and men are sex animals. The repetitive theme is how important sex is to men, and how women should always agree to have it. Therefore, the solution for a successful sex life in a long term relationship is that men should constantly coax women into having sex with them and women should always say yes, even if they are not in the mood. The overriding theme is stroking the male ego, as men need to have sex to feel loved. The importance sex and orgasms to women, is all but dismissed totally. In fact, Gray even presumes that orgasms are not important to women.

    It seems to be a dream book for men. There are many unpalatable parts of the book - for example, women are encouraged never to refuse sex, but there is one outrageous part of the book which suggests that if the man is too tired to be in the mood for sex, the women should take responsibility of her own pleasure, start the groundwork on a solo basis and in the final two minutes, call in the man so that he can complete the job and claim the honors of giving her the orgasm. I also had to pick my jaw off the floor when I read his analysis of how to interpret a woman's sexual mood by her underwear colour. This must have been written at a time where red lace was considered scandalous and illegal, as there are only entries for black, white and pink lingerie. Be prepared for lots of idiotic passages like these.

    I was hoping for a book that would spice up my sex life to prevent my husband and I from getting routine and complacent. Also, in order for us to connect deeper on a sexual level. Both of us enjoy sex, orgasms are equally important to us, and our relationship is one of mutual love, desire and respect, and therefore, this book misses the mark on all these points. Instead of being one for couples to enjoy, this book is biased towards the male needs. It takes little into account that women's attitudes to sexuality, and roles and responsibilities in the household have somewhat changed since the Victorian era. I would have expected John Gray to do a bit more research on the female psyche and come up with a more balanced approach, instead of this truly awful caveman piece of writing. What the heck, he's now laughing his way to the bank.

    This book is better off in a trash can, and that's where mine's going. Don't waste your time and money! ...more info
  • Eye-opening experience:)
    These days, i am really excited....i am 21, and from a very old-fashioned, closed society, trying to find answers to my questions....Someone sent me this book as a Xmas present...My life has changed and i mean it... i have found myself saying:" Why didnot someone tell me those things before?" I am a different person altogether now and with such passion to read and read:) Grateful, Michael....more info
  • Excellent Book
    As always, Gray is a good read. Of course, one can't apply any psychology book, no matter how good, to everyone, but this is a book I really, really wish all the boys would not only read, but study. And hey, I even learned a few things myself....more info
  • By Far the best Mars/ Venus book
    Of any of the books.... this is the one to get if you are in a long term relationship. It touches on so many topics, and different perspectives that is is the only one that I went out and bought after I read it from the local library....more info
  • men are don juans women are prey
    What did I get from reading the book? A feeling that Gray
    fanatically believes men are the hunters and sex is a
    male domain,and woman are the prey and merely the sexless
    toys of men.
    Gray overemphasizes the importance of the woman's appearance
    and de emphasizes her sexual needs and also blow torch
    reaction to sex as opposed to his crock pot example of
    female sexuality.
    He gives pointers to men on the subject of 'getting her into
    bed' with words,flowers,gifts and candy.Never does he

    realize that if the woman is not attracted to the man,she
    will be a bee-line out the door.
    His pointers to women has nothing to do with her as an
    individual,but how to overcome her innate sexual shyness
    and slow arrousal time.He works with old myths,especially
    the one where women are believed to be as blind as batts
    and turned on by even the ugliest man if he gives her the
    right words and chocolates.
    In the real world,men and women could be reversed.Men
    needing more arousal time and women ready to go for it
    at the drop of a hat.But of course in Gray's world this
    is very rare.
    Gray gives me the feeling he thinks women are lacking in
    sexuality,or that it is some vague defused sexuality,
    only stimulated by words of love.In short,women don't
    have eyes or sex drive,and it has to be guided by the
    man into some kind of romantic fog in order for the woman
    to function.
    On the other hand,Gray believes men are the only visual
    creatures who have to hold back these animal sex drives
    which are only tamed by honorable gentlemenly controlls.
    This is where we get "he was a gentlemen,he didn't try
    anything" how many times have you heard that?Countless
    I bet.
    Men have to channel their powerful sex drive into romance
    and women have to channel their romantic needs into
    pleasing the males animal need for sex.Well this is what
    the book says loud and clear.Basically men want sex and
    women want love,this is the "fact" Gray is trying to
    pound into the reader.
    He's working off of myths and recycling them back into
    society as "scientific fact"
    What I find appauling is how he gives men and women very
    different attributes.How he boxes people into sterotypes
    of male don juan and female the prey....more info

  • Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: You Have to Have This Book!
    I've been married to the same person for 28 years and always thought our sex life was great, but when we read this book (yes, we both read it) we realised how much we still didn't know, hadn't tried, and hadn't communicated about. This book has enhanced an already great relationship - just think what it could do for one in trouble! This is written plainly, interestingly, and is very accurate - from both the woman's and the man's point of view. There were a couple of things that seemed corny to me, but may not seem that way to someone who is 20 years younger than me (I'm 48). Buy this book! I guarantee you will get at least one insight into sex that will help your love life, no matter how wise you think you already are!...more info
    I cannot count the times I have referred this wonderful book to clients in search of self-help material. The information learned from Gray, an extremely well qualified man I might add, provides not only insight into relationships but insight into one's self and sense of being.

    In this book Gray gives the reader a much clearer understanding of what male and female partners need from a sexual relationship, why they differ, why they feel as they do, and how to satisfy each other's emotional and physical needs in ways that will strengthen the bond of intimacy. By doing so, one builds the foundation for a strong and solid relationship (in and out of the bedroom,) a relationship based on mutual love, trust, understanding, and honest and open communication.

    The one aspect of Gray's books that always appeals to me, and many other readers, is the professional, open and frank manner he uses to earn trust and exhibit warmth. He writes in a straight-forward professional manner without being condescending or patronizing, while at the same time holding the reader's attention with his words of wisdom. His books have been sold by the millions around the world, in 40 languages. That, in itself, attests to the validity of his literary and professional ability. This book is one I highly recommend to any individual regardless of whether or not you are currently in an intimate relationship; you never know what tomorrow may bring! Whether you are 20 or 80 - yes, seniors need intimacy, too, you will benefit from this highly recommended book. Many seniors, however, may have learned long ago the message given here, in which case you could always consider this book.... a refresher course! This is a terrific book from an acclaimed author....more info

  • Not up to the other Mars/Venus material
    I'm a big fan of the Mars/Venus materials. They have made a big difference in my relationships and improved my life as a result.

    This book, however, is not up to the same level as the others. It adds very little insight, and only a few helpful facts. Rather than get this book, I would recommend another reading of the original Mars/Venus book....more info

  • gray is old hat
    I cannot believe what Gray thinks about women.It's insulting
    and sterotyical.How would he know,how would anyone know what
    every woman and every man is thinking or wanting anyway!
    Women are crockpots and men are blow torches he says.He never
    gets to the truth of why this sometimes is so - it's called
    socialisation.Socialisation influences us so much,we don't
    sometimes know it's happening because it's so planted in our
    Read Rudov,I just got done with his book and he has ideas which
    will end all of your relationship problems.Some might be
    shocked by his revolutionary and courageous ideas but sometimes
    one has to be shocked into a new way of thinking in order to
    change for the better....more info
  • Lots of Insights
    I bought this book trying to improve the relationship with my girlfriend. Although at the end we didn't work out, but this book gave me great insight and know more about women for my future relationship. Great Book! (Chinese Edition)...more info
  • There are better books
    Book is ok and has some good points but it is def written from a mans point of view. Lots of advice about giving him quickies when you don't want to have sex. I'm not sure that helps me at all. Seems more like I would be resentful?? Anyway try the books by Dr. Laura Berman instead. She seems to have a better idea as to the why's and how's of things. Good luck....more info
  • not the golden rule
    No, it won't change your sex life overnight or turn you into "the best in bed", but it would shed light to the difference of how men and women view sex. It certainly will deepen your understanding for your partner and may help you becoming closer because of that extra knowledge nobody told you about....more info
  • Brainless...
    Writing from a male perspective, I was surprised at how pro-male this book was. I believe it can be said that men tend to have higher sex drives than women, however it seems that Mr. Gray's book puts an overwhelming amount of the responsibility for sex on the woman - meaning that every time her "man" wants it, she should respond. I read very few examples in the book that came from the female point of view. Most of the book focused on satisfying the male in the relationship. Doesn't the woman deserve some sort of satisfaction?

    For a better view of sexual relations in marriage, try Tim & Beverly LaHaye's book "The Act of Marriage"....more info

  • IN THE BEDROOM an insightful guide to "le difference}
    I have long been a fan of John Gray's paradigm of two separate, equal, but very different species--who misunderstand each other endlessly as they try to bond/coexist. I was surprised, however, at how much I learned from this book, since I have studied sexuality many times (in my Bachelors of Science in Psychology, in medical school, and again in my Family Practice residency.) I was also chagrined to see my own misinterpretations exposed and corrected. The one nugget of insight that stands out for me is: "Why do women generally not wish to guide a man during lovemaking." We men start out in life with few clues how to be a lover--and we're more interested in our own pleasure anyway. But women expect we men to know how to pleasure them; plus women need to lie back and relax in order to arouse to orgasm. If they stop to give directions, then they must arise out of this relaxation--which breaks their mood of enjoyment. Thus we men would do better to seek women's instruction between love-making episodes. If you are interested in correcting your own myths about the opposite gender--buy this book....more info
  • Hilarious! But not intentionally.
    There are a few good concepts in this book, but they are so buried under Grey's ridiculous language, it's not worth bothering. His descriptions of things are florid, bizarre and cringeworthy-- one embarassing example: "A man's persistent sexual longing is really his soul seeking wholeness. The barren landscape of living only in his mind seeks union with the rich, sensuous, colorful and sweet-smelling terrain of his heart." (p. 29) Uh... WHAT? It did have my husband and I rolling with laughter for hours, but that's probably not what the author intended. When my husband wants to let me know he's feeling amorous, he says "Honey, my soul is feeling sooooo barren." Then we laugh hysterically. The suggestions of what to say to your partner about things are so stilted and strange, I can't imagine anyone saying them with a straight face. Men aren't from Mars, but if John Grey is, it would explain a lot....more info
  • Brainless...
    Writing from a male perspective, I was surprised at how pro-male this book was. I believe it can be said that men tend to have higher sex drives than women, however it seems that Mr. Gray's book puts an overwhelming amount of the responsibility for sex on the woman - meaning that every time her "man" wants it, she should respond. I read very few examples in the book that came from the female point of view. Most of the book focused on satisfying the male in the relationship. Doesn't the woman deserve some sort of satisfaction?

    For a better view of sexual relations in marriage, try Tim & Beverly LaHaye's book "The Act of Marriage"....more info

  • The ultimate bedroom how-to book!
    I recommend this book to ABSOLUTELY who needs some help knowing how to please their partner in the bedroom. Newlyweds, "oldlyweds", you name it. If you're not sure what pleasures the opposite sex, read this book. It's tasteful and well-done....more info
  • Mars and Venus in the Bedroom
    Every man and woman should read this book. Very good and interesting to read. I have already recomended it to everyone I know. You learn so much about the opposite sex and about youself. ...more info
  • Good Sex Is Just A Book Away...
    Sex is a subject that is not often talked about among couples. Unfortunately, it is also an area that accounts for a large chunk of divorces. Women expect men to be mind-readers, intuitively knowing just what to do to bring them pleasure. Men assume that they should know what to do already, as if males are born as sex experts. (Not!) What often results is great expectations met with disppointment, and thwarted, hit-and-miss attempts at intimacy and sexual fulfillment.

    With this book by Dr. John Gray, sex doesn't have to be a frustrating and hurtful guessing game. Gray explores areas such as sexual versus emotional fulfillment, taking responsibility for your own pleasure, how to increase desire and rekindle passion, a women's need to relax, the joy of quickies, passionate monogamy, and home-cooked sex versus gourmet sex. Both men and women are given maps into the murky terrain of the other's attitudes and expectations about sex, which will no doubt result in a sigh of relief by many. At last, someone understands! While providing accurate maps, though, Gray acknowledges that every person (especially women!) are unique, and as such, have unique desires, likes, and dislikes.

    When discussing giving a man positive direction, Gray points out that some women do not realize a man's sensivitity in this area. Men want to please their women, so certain comments can feel like rejection to a man, which will bring an instant chill to intimacy. Here are 10 sexual turnoffs outlined by Gray:

    1. "You're not doing it right."
    2. "I don't like that."
    3. "Ouch! That hurts!"
    4. "Don't touch me like that."
    5. "That tickles."
    6. "Not like that."
    7. "Not yet."
    8. "Not there."
    9. "I'm not ready."
    10. "What are you doing?"

    Gray then goes on to explain why a man shuts down, how to give positive feedback and re-direction, and 20 sexual turn on phrases.

    The Chapter titled How To Drive a Women Wild With Pleasure provides men with some excellent practical advice on how a woman ticks, and how to rev up her engine. Gray advises:

    "A man needs to remember that to increase a woman's pleasure, he needs to delay direct stimulation. Certain ancient temples are dedicated to the female aspect of God. According to one ritual associated with these temples, you have to circumambulate the temple three times before entering it. This same principle to loving and adoring a woman during sex."

    One of the most practical parts of this book is that it contains drawings. Yes, drawings. How do you expect to know where to put what? Seriously, though, it's important to know about anatomy to understand what may bring a man or woman pleasure.

    Gray understands the pressures that many couples face, and explains why many are having less sex. He also explains why men are like the sun, and women are like the moon. (A very helpful analogy!)

    The "voice" of this book is very understanding and encouraging, coaxing men and women to re-discover the joy and pleasure of intimacy and sex. Rather than going without, or relegating yourself to frustration and disappointment with regards to sex, why not pick up this book (or something like it) and make the decision to enjoy your sexuality? It is my belief that we are given these bodies to enjoy, and the delight of sexual intimacy with our mate is a part of that. (I mean, if God didn't intend women to enjoy sex, then why give her a clitoris!)

    Ignorance is *not* bliss when it comes to mutual sexual fulfillment. If you're frustrated or have given up on a satisfying sex life, take heart: this book gives great information, encouragement, and hope....more info

  • The best bedroom communication book yet!
    Everything Dr. Gray said was absolutly true. It helped build a better communication bridge between my partner and I after only reading half the book...more info
  • Not what I had hoped it would be.
    Although Gray makes some interesting points, it seems that he takes three pages to make one point. I found the pulled quotations in larger print to be distracting. If you only read those quotations, however, you would probably be able to skip most of the rest.

    I found his description of his life after being a monk to be offensive. He boasts about how much sex he had after nine years of celibacy, and he seems to have approached it as a research project, rather than a means of expressing love. I find it hard to take advice from someone who obviously is not "into" a monogamous relationship, as my husband and I are....more info

  • Very Informative Text
    John Gray's book is an excellent resource for people who are interested in improving their physical relationships. After reading each section thoroughly, I realized for the first time that there was more to the enjoyment of intimacy than I had imagined. Chapter 3, titled 'Once A Year Is Not Enough', made me re-think my schedule. I still only get it once a year, but at least Gray has made me aware.

    Another excellent piece of advice comes in Chapter 5, where Gray states controversially, 'Don't be afraid to experiment; try new things, like undressing. It may seem unnatural at first, but hey...we've all got wobbly bits.'

    This is also a valuable manual for those just starting a physical relationship. Topics for the 'nookie' novice include 'How Come You've Got THREE?', 'Batteries Are A Girl's Best Friend', 'No, Susan, Fellatio Wasn't That Italian Film Director Married to Sophia Loren' and 'Bob and Carol and Bill and Monica'.

    'Mars and Venus in the Bedroom' is a 'must-read' book. I can't wait for Gray's next one, 'Mars and Venus in the Boardroom'. Coroprate America is already ducking for cover....more info

  • Cant believe a doctor actually recommened this....
    This book was actually recommended to me by my doctor! And after reading the reviews I decided I dont need a book that basically focuses EVEN MORE on the man and pretty much ignores women's needs! So, no thanks...I think I will find a book that is a little less male chauvinistic and a little more pro women's needs....more info
  • Great book
    This is a very good book. It explains a lot of things that men or even women didn't know. I mean do women really want to tell their husband where to touch them, or about romantic things to do before you are in bed? If you are a woman who doesn't like romance or a man who refuses to be in a romantic and sexual relationship then don't get this book. But if you'd like an added spark in your relationship, this book is the one to get. It explains places to touch and different things to try with your partner, I thought it was great!...more info


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