Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents

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Product Description

Proper attachment is the most fundamental issue in a successful adoption, but what exactly does the term mean? Attaching in Adoption answers that question thoroughly, and it provides solutions to a variety of specific attachment problems.

Along with technical explanations of challenges such as self-esteem, childhood grief, and limit-testing, the book includes a tremendous number of personal vignettes illustrating attachment-related situations. Parents who are convinced that only their child has ever behaved a certain way are sure to take comfort in these stories; not only do they include kids from all backgrounds and age groups, but each has an ultimately happy ending. The emotional health of the whole family is also paramount according to the book--with plenty of rest and "alone time," caregivers are more likely to be emotionally available when they are most needed.

Because Attaching in Adoption focuses on special needs, families who are coming together through foster programs, at later ages, or across cultural lines will find it especially helpful. Both psychologically detailed and straightforwardly helpful, it can be of equal benefit to counselors and parents alike. --Jill Lightner

Customer Reviews:

  • One of the best books ever written on adoption
    We wish we had read this book before adopting a 7-month-old child, we could have prevented many issues and been better prepared. Like many prospective adoptive parents, we were in denial about potential issues and avoided books like this one.

    Instead we relied on the "rose colored" articles routinely published by the adoption industry...well meaning perhaps, but designed to promote adoption rather than prepare families for adoption.

    Fortunately, we found this wonderful book and were able to get our child the help that many adopted children need....more info
  • Outstanding-- again and again and agian
    As the mother of two children adopted from Eastern Europe, and having read stacks and stacks of books on adoption and parenting children with attachment disorder, I can honestly say this one was the most helpful. My children were both 2 at adoption and are now both 11. We have weathered suicide attempts and many other serious mental and emotional problems, including a long-term psychiatric hospitalization, and still, when I have a question about my children's attachment development and what I can do to help, this is the book to which I turn. I only wish every teacher and professional that works with my children could/would also read this book. ...more info
  • A must have book if adopting older children!
    This book is one that you will go back to and refer to time and time again. A very real picture of what to expect as you adopt, especially if you are adopting older children. The author speaks from experience. You can tell the depth of love she has for the job she does with children. I would recommend this book for anyone who is considering adoption!

    ...more info
  • Awesome book!
    Excellent book, essential resource, practical and easy to read. This book and her new one (see below) are really all you need to read on this subject. The new one is better in my opinion, but both are terrific.

    Nurturing Adoptions: Creating Resilience After Neglect and Trauma...more info
  • Good for Adoptive parents
    This book will give you insights into the areas we do not normaly think about in adoption. A good hepling hand....more info
  • A Must for parents adopting older children
    This book is so valuable for adoptive parents, especially those who are adopting kids as toddlers or older. Bringing a new child into the family, particulary one with a traumatic past, is a huge adjument for all involved. This book helps enormously with the transition. It helps you to make sense of what is going on with your new child, and not take it so personally....more info
  • Too Clinical
    You can tell this book is written by a professional therapist. I was looking for some straight-forward, basic help. This book did not do the trick. By the time you filter through her theraputic "mumble-jumble", you are only left with s thimble full of helpful advise. It was not worth my time or money. Back to the drawing board!...more info
  • A Must Read for Every Adoptive Parent!
    Thank you, Deborah, for translating your years of compassionate, clinical expertise into terms and tools that parents can use to facilitate intimate relationships with their children. I continue to hear many good reports from parents....more info
  • Highly Recommended!
    I can't recommend this book enough, especially for older child adoptions! It thoroughly explains the attachment cycle (and the effect of interruptions in this cycle) and issues adopted children may face at various developmental stages. It also provides specific guidance on what the parent's role is and how they can help children at each developmental stage. Attaching in Adoption was very useful in preparing for the adoption of our daughter, and I have referred back to it many, many times over the last few years.

    Christine Mitchell, author and illustrator of:
    Family Day: Celebrating Ethan's Adoption Anniversary and Welcome Home, Forever Child: A Celebration of Children Adopted as Toddlers, Preschoolers, and Beyond...more info
  • Great on detail
    Very comprehensive book covering a lot of ground about the issues particular to adoption and adopted children from a psychologist perspective....more info
  • Worth Owning
    After reading a 3 foot tall stack of books on adoption and attachment, I can unreservedly say the is the best of the lot. If you only have time to read one, make this one it. If after reading this one you still need ideas, see my other reviews for more great books....more info
  • Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents
    I just wish I had had this book 2 years ago when I started as a foster parent. Yes it is mostly for adoption but I think it would have helped me tremdously....more info
  • Attachmentsw in Adoption
    This book was recommended by a social worker and a friend who adopted internationally. It helped me to understand where my child's head is. I was much more patient and sympethedic when he had his rages. ...more info
  • This book changed our family!
    As a foster parent (and adoptive mom to a child with RAD), we often have long-term placements with all types of attachment issues, both temporary and long-lasting. We had a three-year old that we just couldn't find a way to reach. I downloaded this to my Kindle one night and started reading... and chapter 10 on Anxiety changed our family. It described our foster child perfectly! Not only did it give coindtructive ideas on how to help and handle this child, it validated our experiences which no one else was lucky enough to observe. The bahaviors, the attitude, the inability to calm down during a tantrum... all there on paper and I felt like a validated mom again instead of a big failure. This book did not talk down to me as a parent while remaining easy to read and packed with valuable info. I recommend this to ANY foster or adoptive parent. It just might save your family!...more info
  • Great book with very helpful, practical ideas
    This book was a great book to get. My husband and I are planning on adopting children throught the foster care system, (and oversea's) and this book has lots of great info on both!!! It was such a good book we bought a copy for both of our parents (grandparents) to help them understand the extra "issues" in raising an adopted child! I would HIGHLY reccomend this book to others who are looking into adopting!...more info
  • Adoption + attahment
    This is a great book full of lots of information. I highly recommend it....more info
  • not very useful for infant adoption
    I am sure this is an excellent book for parents of children adopted when they were older, or parents who are currently going through attachment problems. However, I read this book as a prospective adoptive parent of a 6-month-old baby, and all it did was cause great anxiety and worry. I imagined all kinds of frightening scenarios. Also, there is hardly any advice to parents adopting infants. I would have been much better off waiting to purchase this book IF I needed it. For now, it's going on the bookshelf and I'll pull it out in the future only if we develop some sort of problem. I gained MUCH more useful advice on attachment from a brief insert I received in my Adoptive Families Magazine....more info
  • Very Helpful and Educational
    This book was a gift after we adopted two toddlers from Russia. It helped to understand how attachment happens and to understand the stages. This book helped our family attachment struggles take a turn for the better. 2 1/2 years later the boys are wonderfully attached. This book wasn't the only tool used but was critical to first understanding how attachment works....more info
  • No impressed
    I felt like this book was a little too clinical for my taste. As an RN, I can appreciate any good clinical advise but I felt the author was not well rounded, i.e. experience, in her approach to attachment. ...more info
  • very helpful
    Deborah Gray has a wonderful, down-to-earth manner of describing adoption/attachment issues. The case examples laced throughout the book provide a helpful way to integrate the points. The book was very helpful and informative....more info
  • Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents
    I thought it was very, very informative. I have not yet adopted, but this is preparing me for what to expect when we do. It's a lot of information to absorb, and sometimes difficult to hear the heart breaking stories, but it's beneficial to anyone considering adopting....more info
  • Great for Parents
    This is a wonderful book for parents and professionals. It provides a good orientation to attachment theory in a practical and grounded manner. The suggestions for parents are practical and well thought out. I frequently recommend this book to adoptive and foster parents....more info
  • relief
    I am so glad I purchased this book. As a new adoptive parent, I had just devoured "The Primal Wound" and felt like jumping off a cliff. This book, however, is much more balanced and gives fantastic information and advice....more info
  • Great Resource
    This book provides a practical tool for prospective adoptive parents. Anything you can do to prepare for your new child is important, and this book gives valuable, first-hand experiences and applications to help you launch a strong family....more info
  • Adoption - This is a must read
    If you are considering an adoption, my wife and I highly recommend this book. Yes it has all of the worse case scenarios, but it also says this in the book. These are just some of the things you might encounter while you and your new child attach to each other. You must be prepared for you adoption. Don't take it lightly, this book help my wife and I talk through some of the "What Ifs" and gave us some good ideas. Our Son is now a fully integrated part of our family...and this book helped us prepare....more info